Hey bbydoll, I understand how you feel... I feel ignored and as if everyone knows that I am not okay but just can’t be bothered dealing with me.

I have had this pain in my stomach for over a year now and no doctors can find out what it is so I feel like I am just left to suffer. It hurts. It never stops. I was bedridden for most of last year and wanted to end my life this year.

I know this sounds so cheesy and I hate it when people say this to me, but everything will get better. Look for the good in life and focus on stuff that makes you happy. Not others. Just know that I care for you.

sincerely, Beth <3

Hey Beth, thanks for the kind words. Yeah. It's not fun that's for sure! Have you seen a gastroenterologist - a bowel doctor? They could do an colonoscopy and endoscopy (a scope from your mouth down). .. both are done at the same time when you're under anesthetic - so you don't know anything about what's going on. Your GP can do a referral. If I was you, I'd ask for one. But honestly don't stop looking for answers. They can also do a test for coeliac disease.

Keep looking for answers. You know you own body. And I have fought doctors in the past to get diagnosed. Unfortunately sometimes it means seeing lots of doctors but it's worth it at the end of the day! All the best.

Spent all day sleeping after spending most of yesterday trying to clean up and organzing my kitchen. We have a cockroach problem - so I've had to pull out everything and then clean down and put more cockroach baits out. And clean all the dishes etc. I also had some grocery shopping to put away. I got about half way done and was exhausted - because I had also done a walk down to the shops to grab a few things and run some errands. I still ended up binge eating Saturday night and feeling ill through out most of Sunday because of it. It's now the early hours of Monday morning and I've polished off a block of chocolate and feel sick again. I'm still sore and tired from Saturday and still have more cleaning to do.

Hello Bbydoll..

No wonder you slept all day and your still sore from cleaning...You done so much in one day..Well done...it’s strange how a little cockroach can motivate us to do things even when we’re not feeling up to it...Well done..

Im sorry your binge eating chocolate..I used to do that a lot...Well I still do , but only once a month now..I stopped buying it when I went shopping, and now buy a small block once a month.. the only way I could stop binging on it was to not buy it every time I went shopping...Maybe this is something that would help you...but it still requires a lot of strength not to buy it...

Not sleeping through the night is a big trigger for me to start munching on whatever sweet things I have...I now have a sleep routine of going to bed around 10:30 - 11.30 each night, after a cup of sweet tea..which helps the craving for something sweet..

I hope your okay Bbydoll....Talk here anytime you feel up to it..

Grandy..

Dear Bbydoll...

Its good to read that you are being caring and kind to yourself bu resting up today and doing gentle stretches for your pinched muscle....Well done...

I’m sorry your lunch wasn’t as yummy as it should have been...Having it delivered is go good..saves you going out to buy it...I live out in central western rural.. delivery doesn’t exits here for me...To far away from the shopping centre for deliveries...

I understand about paying bills etc..on dsp..I’m also on it...and it’s really hard to go anywhere or do things we like after paying our bills...

Fairy Floss...I like very much..I hope so much that you and your friend enjoy it..and have a great time...with some happy memories to look back on...

Kind thoughts dear Bbydoll.....

Grandy..

I can't stop the binge eating. And I've noticed that my teeth are now chipping away thanks to all the meds. I'm eating a lot of carbs as that's what I've got in the cupboards as I bought them to last for several weeks. I'm not sure that they will. I'm now also paying off a pair of boots and some accessories - so my next few payments will be extra tight. I still haven't had my teeth fixed. All I've been doing is sleeping again. And just wasting the days away. Maybe part of me thinks that I deserve to suffer - or something. I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything for myself.

I also received the fairy floss yesterday and ate 90% of it in one day. There's a small amount of it for my friend to try. We aregoing to have a sleep over after having some dinner out. And I'll need to buy a few things for breakfast. I feel so guilty about eating the fairy floss as I was going to share it with her whilst we watched movies together.

It all seems to much. I don't know if I have the energy to fight this much more.

Hello Bbydoll....

I agree with Magic...Meds do make us less motivated..I was out nearly all day yesterday until 7pm...It took me so much to walk out my door to my mental health support worker...but I did it..and although tiring I was okay...

Getting out a little does help..Do you have a sunny spot that you can sit in outside or even inside..our bodies need sun to survive, and it’s also therapeutic...

Please don’t be hard on yourself with the fairy floss..it’s so hard not to eat it all...Hun I’m wondering if next time you shop to write a list out and try hard not to put to many sweet foods on it....Just a thought lovely lady...One thing that I buy a lot of is 2 minute noodles and a few pmts of frozen vegetables, when my pay goes to bills...I just zap some veggies in the microwave and add it to the noodle soup once I’ve prepared it..it’s very filling and healthy...

Please don’t ever think you deserve this..because you don’t...Something I started to do was to get off the lounge and do something for 5 minutes...I felt good because I done something...I done that each 2 hours, after a few days of doing this, I was doing things for much longer then 5 minutes without even realising it...Is this something that you might try Bbydoll...

Im sorry about your teeth...on Centrelink they will help pay for them once a year...All you need to donis contact them...

I hope your okay Bbydoll...I want you to find some happiness in your life...because we all deserve some..

Please enjoy today lovely Bbydoll....I’m sitting with you very quietly..if you feel like talking I’m listening..here for you when I am able to be..Please look after you..

Kind thoughts with my care..

Grandy.l

Hi Monkey_magic and Grandy,

As far as my teeth go. I was supposed to see the dental clinic at the local hospital but they're not opened because they don't have the correct protective gear. I actually ended up in hospital 2 months ago because I developed an abscess under one of my back molars. After IV antibiotics, they removed the tooth on the ward!! With a few shots of local anesthetic to try and numb it. I ended up spending a week in hospital because of it. And on some pretty heavy antibiotics because of it. I was told that they'd put me on a specific wait list because of all the medications I'm on. I still haven't heard back from them. One of my nurses had told me that the dentists had removed other people's teeth on the ward as well, because they were in similar situations. I have mentioned my dental issues with my GP, he's convinced it's because of my pain medications - but I've reduced them quite significantly. So I don't agree. My mouth has gotten worse with my illnesses and I find that I'm breathing with my mouth open; which won't help the situation. There's not an easy situation unfortunately. My uncle said he'd help pay to the value of $1300. But I haven't followed through yet.

It looks like rain for this weekend -- so I'm not sure if my plans with my friend will go ahead. I've yet to ask her. My health is playing up, so if she cancels - it won't be a big problem. I've also had my pain flare as Australia post hasn't been delivering parcels that I'd ordered. So I've had to walk down and carry the parcels back home. They're not heavy, just difficult to carry home.

I have to see my GP in the next couple of weeks to get pain meds and I've been told that I need to see the pain clinic again as they tried to decrease my pain meds further but I had a reaction to the replacement medication. I'm barely able to move on a day to day basis because of the pain. But because of the government's red tape - I have to go through all this hassle. It sucks because I rely on it as I have no help and have errands and grocery shopping etc to do on my own, by public transport 😣

Hello Bbydoll,

I really hope that you get in soon for your teeth with you being on the special wait list....My teeth also need attention very badly, I’m trying to wait until I’m on aged pension...as more benefits I think...only 18 months away..If I start feeling the pain of an abscess or gum boil, I’ll immediately start rinsing my mouth with warm salt water..generally within 2 days and before it’s developed to for...it disappears...

I am also expecting rain this week end..maybe instead of going out have a girls night in with some popcorn, a chick flick etc....Could be more easier for you with you struggling with pain..

I’m sorry you have to walk to get your parcels..that’s not right, by Aust post...Where I live it’s mail only twice a week, and parcels have to be picked up from the post office because I am rural, 25 kilometres out of town and they won’t deliver that far out...Geez I can’t even order a pizza because they won’t deliver out here...So not fair..

Its good your seeing your GG in a couple of weeks, as well as your pain clinic...I hope both of them can help you..

Maybe speak to your GP about getting some help for you at home, your shopping and with your parcels...There are organisations out their that do this kind of things for people on dsp...Your GP would know of them...

I hope today was better then yesterday..

Talk here anytime I’m listening and will pop in to chat with you when I can..

Sending you Kind thoughts and my care..

Grandy..

Hi Grandy,

I've tried getting help with doing grocery shopping and running errands. But I'm always told I'm too young by the service providers. I'm in my 40s. I've even tried after having major surgery and the service providers reluctantly do it for a couple of weeks and that's it. I'm trying to get on NDIS for some extra assistance but they're hard to get as well. I was sick all through my teenage years and it took me until I was in my 20s to get onto DSP. And then I ended up getting sicker anyway. I'm going to cancel my get together because I can't afford to do it. I've bought a calming blanket on special and have no money for anything else. I've got enough food for me for this fortnight... leftovers and frozen stuff. But nothing really worth sharing. I don't really want to do anything at the moment anyways. I managed to sleep from over 12 hours straight. And woke up at 5am... thinking it was only 5pm! Crazy.

Big. Surprise. No one is reading what I'm posting. Sounds just like my life! I was shifted to a mental health team; after my shrink retired. Initially they were great! I had them try to get me onto NDIS... even though I doubt it will happen. Several other people told me that they'd help get me on there. And nothing ever happened of course.

I've been isolating myself because of my depression - so haven't been in contact with these people much. AND the moment that I reach out and ask for help... as I'm struggling. I'm told that the supervisor of my case manager wants to sit down with me and talk.. and she's going on holidays for 2 weeks. (School holidays obviously).... great so what the F do I do now!!!!

Thanks for your respone monkey_magic. It sounds like a great win you've had. So congrats. I sleep a lot. For 2 reasons - my depression and my health issues. When I sleep; I am not battling my mind or body. I usually watch a bit of tv; or listen to some music at night. I am trying not to over eat; as I've already gained way too much weight and the extra weight only adds to my health issues. I find if I am struggling to switch off I put my ear phones on and listen to a laid back type of music and drift off that. It helps when things get really bad. I tried reaching out to my closest friend for a catch up but he's not responding probably because of the school holidays - he has a young son; and often has to look after him on top of full time work.

I did some errands today and I'm now sore and tired and really over feeling so lousy - I'm really finding it difficult to get things done because I'm overweight and unfit and dealing with chronic pain and chronic health issues. On top of my mental health issues. I'm tired of doing this on my own. Everything is still an effort - physically and emotionally.

Thank you Sophie for your response as well. I'm going to screen shot the information you provided and write it out later.

Hi Monkey_magic,

The dental clinic was going to put me on a special list because of the medications I'm on to try and get me in. I've heard nothing from them. And when I was in hospital, despite me needing follow up care - they couldn't do it because they didn't have the proper safety equipment for Covid and was shut down. And to add to that - the waiting list is long here!! And no idea of when I'd get in. I've tried 3 other times and that was before all my current issues.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with things too. I think it's been a pretty bad year for a lot of people - not that it makes any easier, but with all the uncertainties of covid, it's turned many people's lives upside down.

I know i shouldn't complain but I'm so tired of struggling. My health seems to be getting worse. My pain levels are bad and I need to sit down quicker now. And I've noticed today that my hands are retaining fluid. Which is not a great sign..as my feet have been doing this for a couple of years.. my hands feel numb. I'm supposed to be fixing up my apartment for an inspection this week, but I spent a few hours sleeping today - so am running out of time. It's mostly clean.. just got clothes piled up in my bedroom as I've had to buy more clothes during winter because of my weight. I was telling a friend what I'm dealing with and how I'm so short on cash whilst trying to get a fridge. And she just suggested that I go to vinnies or salvos.. but going to vinnies I have to walk up an inclined staircase to get there... after walking up a steep incline to get information from centrelink about my payments. Not easy to do right now.😣

I'm just running out of the why's .. why am I bothered to fight any more. I've been binge eating again tonight. But I'm going offline now to have a hot shower and hopefully some sleep... hope not for all of (monday) though.

Hey Bbydoll,

sorry I haven’t been around for a while, I’ve been riding that damn emotional rollercoaster again myself.

But I just wanted you to know that you have been in my thoughts. And that you do matter. And that we do care.

sending a virtual hug

Thank you TheBigBlue, this means a lot to me. And I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling too. Weekends are really hard for me. I feel more isolated than normal, I guess because I'm stuck at home when I know other people are out there living their lives.I heard tonight that they're finally allowing live music again; which is fantastic but one of the gigs I saw advertised - is selling tickets at 2 or more; and I usually only go by myself and can't afford 2 tickets on my own... so it means again I miss out. I don't really have any friends that want to go out and do things with me. I've tried for years inviting friends out - even so they don't have to pay for their tickets and they're usually not interested, or say yes then let me down on the night. I don't know why. I used to put it down to my health issues; but maybe it's me that they don't want to spend time with. I don't speak with most of my extended family after I found out that they were talking about me behind my back - even though I'd asked them previously not to do that.

My family and friends never ask me out to things. Except occasionally my brother will have lunch with me and his little family. But other than that... nothing. I'm seeing a mental health team on Monday. My shrink who retired earlier this year put me in contact with them; in the hopes that they can help me apply to the NDIS - initially my case manager was very helpful, even driving me to the shops to run errands etc. But I then went into a massive depression not doing much for a couple of months and they changed case manager. And the 3rd time they changed case managers I asked for some help and it was difficult for her to organize an appointment I told them that I was struggling - it's taken 4 weeks to get an appointment to see her and she's bringing with her , her boss to see how theycan help me. With the added weight my depression is worse, my binge eating is worse and ultimately my physical pain and weight have increased making life even harder for me than before! And I have to do everything on my own. I'm tired of struggling with no end in sight and with no physical support. I don't think I will ever get on the NDIS it's harder than applying for the disability pension and that took years. I got told recently by a neighbour that you had to be employable or on job search to be accepted -neither of which I am. It's all getting too much. I wish they were some easy answers but there never seems to be. And it's so tiring.