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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / They're sending me away

Topic: They're sending me away

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. dumbledoor
    dumbledoor avatar
    19 posts
    7 June 2021

    My parents are going to send me away if I fail my exams. If that happens, I'm not sure what I'll do. My school councellor has agreed that ADHD is very likely what I have, but my parents won't help me. "If you're strong you can beat it on your own".

    I am almost certain I won't be returning back to school next term, so I don't see any point in trying anymore. I have an assignment due in an hour that I've barely started, and three 2 hour exams later this week. If I get anything below a B, I'm out. My parents are counting down the seconds until they can kick me out, they've been threatening this all year.

    I don't think I'll survive on my own, even if I have my grandparents help. The shame would be too much. Everyone thought I could be something great, but I might just end up flipping burgers for the rest of my life. I don't want that life. I don't even want to live unless I become successful, which is not going to happen at this point.

    My dream was always to be a doctor, something my parents used to support me in. I can't become a doctor, not with these grades, not with this effort level.

    I vowed 6 years ago that I would not live past the age of 18. Should I enjoy my last year as much as I can? Or should I not waste any more time?

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6608 posts
    7 June 2021 in reply to dumbledoor
    Hi Dumbledoor, 

    We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment. we can only imagine how his must be impacting you. It sounds like you have a ltof opressure on you at the moment with a compbinaion of school and family stress to manage. We want to thank you for being brave and reaching out again to the forums - well done, you never know who you will help be posting your story. 

    Having trouble with our studies does not mean that we are failures. It can be really difficult to focus sometimes and this can make us feel like we can't do it - there is support out there and we are sure that you have what it takes to do whatever you want to do. 

    We are concerned about you are describing how you are feeling and so we are going to reach out privately to offer some more support. 

    We think it would be really useful for you to give KidsHelpline (1800 55 1800) a call to you can talk through your feelings about the future. It was be really hard when you feel that you are not achieving like you want to be but this is something the wonderful people on the other end of the phone can help with. 

    The team at Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) are also always here for you if you need some help and you are feeling especially upset or if you just want someone to chat to. 

    If you feel unsafe it is crucial that you call 000 immediately as this is an emergenecy. 

    You are not alone Dumbledoor, even if it feels like it. We are here for you if and when you need us. Thank you again for posting here on the forums, it is a sign of great courage and strength. 
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10927 posts
    9 June 2021 in reply to dumbledoor

    Dear Dumbledoor~

    Reading your other thread I can see why you are giving up on schoolwork. Parents are the main influence in a young person's life. Good ones love their children, see them as persons and play to their strengths, be it football, music, reading, pets or whatever -and are consistent - important.

    You are secure and happy. True they make mistakes, but by and large it is good. you end up confident and can deal with the upsets you find in life.

    Sadly that's not you. Your parents had expectations that echoed their own ambitions, and blew hot and cold, abusing and insulting you, threatening you, then backing off for a bit, before coming back worse. Never seeing you as a person, with strengths and abilities -simply becuse you were not an echo of them.

    You ended up injured, which comes out as not believing in yourself -or anything much. Seeing nothing ahead.

    Their behavior is destructive and has injured you, leaving you feeling you have failed and cannot face failing again. Never believing in yourself -or anything much.

    The world is bigger than your parents, it is bigger than the future you see for yourself. Success is not always schoolwork, it comes in all shapes and sizes, simply being kind to others can be the best success of all - and that's nothing to do with a job or academic papers. Success can be in appreciating something, possibly art, possibly animals, possibly ... well just about anything you care to imagine.

    What could yours be?

    One success for me was using my parent's actions and beliefs as how not to bring up my offspring, so I did the opposite -it worked.

    Trying to get that injury healed - so you can find things in life to reach out for - is not a solo job. I could never make myself better, and became worse as time went on. It was only when I did have competent and caring medical support did I start to improve. Now I have the confidence to take on tasks, talk with people and be a parent and partner. I'd not have believed it possible when I was a lot younger.

    If you can't get better by yourself I guess that means you need assistance. And that's a problem as you do not feel you can open up.

    Can I suggest you start out with the chat line at Kids Help Line. No talking on the phone or face to face, a bit like here -all text.

    https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

    It would be a start, and can lead to better things.

    I'd like to let you find 18 can be a door, not a dead end

    Would you like you like to talk some more?

    Croix

  4. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1986 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to dumbledoor

    Hi dumbledoor,

    Im so sorry to read your thread, that’s really hurtful what your parents have said to you.... no matter what your parents say to you never stop believing in yourself..... not having good grades doesn’t mean you won’t be successful........ I know people who haven't finished high school and are very successful in their careers.......

    Never underestimate your own strength you were born with a purpose and are blessed with the power to achieve it

    Quote by Leon Brown

    Please don’t believe life success requires the best grades you can only do what you can.... give yourself some self love and be positive.... know the way your parents are treating you is a reflection of them and not you....... that’s what’s within them not within you....

    here to chat to you

  5. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2690 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to dumbledoor

    Hi dumbledoor

    Croix and Petal22 have offered you a truth I hope you come to recognise.

    I believe the truth is you are witnessing faults in your parents. In them, you are witnessing a lack of skill in how they are shaping you. As a parent myself, I try to remain conscious of my faults so that my 15yo son and 18yo daughter don't suffer through them. I'll even ask my kids what they feel I need to change as an individual and as a parent. I look to them to raise my consciousness. As Croix touched on, if you can spot the faults in your parents and sift them out, this is what makes you a better parent to your own kids.

    I know it's easier said than done but don't let your parents' faults define you. There's no doubt in my mind what a naturally intelligent person you are, no doubt at all. You have the ability to recognise depressing behaviour in others (behaviour that leads you to feel down), guiding advice in others (such as your school counselor suggesting ADHD) and you have the ability to recognise what's not working (mental and emotional abuse). You also have the ability to recognise that coming here may make some difference. You have the ability to see and feel what your parents don't. I would suggest this makes you more intelligent than them in a number of ways, far more evolved than them.

    If your goal is to gain support in discovering who you naturally are and searching for guidance in order to find the best in yourself, do you feel that returning to your school counselor would help put you on the right path?

    From my own experience, through all I've discovered in life, I would have to say that the most successful people are the ones who have come to discover the best in themself. In the world of business, for example, Elon Musk knows who he is, as does Richard Branson. Nikola Tesla was the same. All 3 came to understand they're visionaries. They bring or brought what they imagined to life and they employed the right people to help them achieve their visions.

    What is your vision of the future and who would you employ to help you reach it? I will suggest your parents do not make the most productive employees, in a number of ways.

    :)

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