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Topic: Time to go

  1. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Mishmo

    Nothing you said offends me in any way, I always appreciate candor and honesty, I always say what I think best right or wrong, when I'm asked for an opinion I say what's in my heart, man, has this caused problems over the years, some appreciate it some don't.

    Cheers Rod

  2. Mishmo
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Mishmo avatar
    50 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    So glad to hear. Yes that is the best way to be tho in my books... as I am the same. I'm one to appreciate it, thanks. And yes, doesn't always go well at times, hence the after worries of upsetting people.

    TC, Renée

  3. Not Limited
    Not Limited  avatar
    27 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    Hi Rod

    So glad you are here talking to everyone and I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Never judge yourself off others posts. That's their stories and we each and everyone have our own that are individual to us. From your replies above, I can see you are not a loser, just a guy who has had so much trauma already in his life and now feels like the rug has been pulled out completely. It hasn't, just needs spring cleaning to make it look new again.

    Your life has meaning and you will find joy, but I wouldn't start looking at dating yet, first you need to take some time to heal yourself so that when you do put yourself out there, you are attracting the right person for you. Trust me, 11 years separated, raising 3 kids on my own, now adults or nearly, I thought it would be easier having someone help take that pain away at first, but it wasn't up to them to fix me, that was up to me. Have you reached out for any help with the trauma of your losses? Sometimes the hardest step is giving ourselves permission to heal, finding solace with solitude by being fulfilled by our own self. Do you have any hobbies, things you have enjoyed in the past or would really love to try if you felt you had the confidence?

  4. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    331 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    Hi Rod32

    Welcome and please be assured you have come to the right place.
    You have been through so much, yet, have you ever had enough time to grieve your children from your previous marriage? Also the loss of your relationship? This might be also putting a weight on your shoulders.

    You have so much love and care to give to your 20yo son and 18yo daughter. Yes, they might be adults now that lead their own lives. This is just a natural process of life. But they do and they will need you. You have been an enormous part of their lives. They need and care for you.

  5. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Learn to Fly

    Bad night,

    Gilbert O'SULLIVAN'S,

    Alone again naturally

  6. Not Limited
    Not Limited  avatar
    27 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    Sorry to hear that Rod32. It's hard to feel alone and be alone. What things do you like doing?

  7. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Not Limited

    I played for the NRL, sailed in world championship, glider pilot and raced cars, but that's just memories, great memories but my body and mind don't go together, the curse of getting older and injuries have taken their toll.

    No complaints.I wouldn't change a thing. I always lived for the day unfortunately tomorrow has come and now I feel like I'm just wasting oxygen and keep reneging on doing something.

    I don't self harm physically at all but mentally is a different story, sad movies and songs from my past, just seem to fall back to these and torture myself mentally.

    I read back on what I write and tell myself to grow up emotionally, doesn't work.

    I ask myself over and over "what's the point of just existing" and can't seem to justify my existence.

    Rod

  8. Not Limited
    Not Limited  avatar
    27 posts
    17 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    Hi Rod32

    Wow you have had a lot of great experiences. I can relate to the body and mind conflicting. I keep saying my mind says I'm in my late 20's, but the body says lady I feel 80.

    It is really hard to get out of our own heads sometimes. Listening to the sad songs and watching sad movies feels right at the time because it reflects how we are feeling, but try if you can to add some comedy in there and some more uplifting motivating music. We are our own worst enemies at times.

    Maybe instead of asking yourself "what's the point of just existing", ask yourself "who does it affect if I'm not, and what will I potentially be missing out on". When our children left home, are adults now and lead their own lives, it's easy to believe they don't need us anymore, but the fact is they definitely do. They will want you to be there for them still during the major events in their lives and even just knowing your parent is still there when you need them. Advice, shoulder to cry on and that person who just gets them because you know everything about them and accept them the way they are. Don't cut yourself short in that department.

  9. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    17 November 2021 in reply to Not Limited

    Just found out my daughter 18 has moved out to be with her mother, no warning or see you later, I bought her a new car as I had promised for her 18th, helped with employment applications and advice, she has never once received corporal punishment, taught by her and her girlfriends how to drive and they appreciated that, just don't know where I went wrong.

    My son won't talk about it saying "like her mother".

    I'm now concerned he feels obligated to stay with me, I love my children so much.

    It appears I was not as good a father as 1st thought, no idea where or how I failed so bad.

    Just when I thought I couldn't hurt any more this happens, what a mess I have made of my life without even trying.

    I've been walking this plank back and forth for a while now but getting closer to taking the splash.

    I've tried really tried, maybe if I was younger things would be different.

  10. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6604 posts
    17 November 2021 in reply to Rod32
    Hey Rod,

    Thanks for reaching out tonight,

    We're sorry to hear your daughter has moved out of home. Were you able to speak with her before she left? We know this must be very distressing for you as we can hear how much your children mean to you. We're concerned to hear that your thoughts of suicide have returned and we are sending a private message to check in with you. 

    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
     
  11. Not Limited
    Not Limited  avatar
    27 posts
    21 November 2021 in reply to Rod32

    Hi Rod32

    Sorry to hear your daughter has moved out. Whether to her mother's or moving out anywhere else, our kids are our world and the feeling of rejection and loss when they move out is very normal. Can I suggest sitting down calmly with her as an adult to adult and asking her why she has moved and is there anything in your relationship with each other she would like to discuss with you? The no blame game and gentle prodding gives you both a chance to talk about anything going on, how it makes both of you feel and how you can both move on into the future. I obviously don't know everything about you and your families history together, however, sometimes when we are really down, it is really easy to overthink things and take it all upon ourselves that it must be our fault. That's why it is so important to hear from her the reasons why, so it doesn't eat at you. She may be struggling with things herself as well. Children pick up on when we are feeling really depressed or struggling in other ways and sometimes take on how the parent is feeling. She may just want to spend some more time with her mum. We never know until we ask.

    Same with your son. There is no use worrying about if he feels/wants to do the same. Talking to our kids and taking out our own emotions just to hear how they are going and any problems they may be having will open the communication lines so you can both have an open and honest discussion and together move forward.

    Sometimes we put ourselves on that plank because it is much easier to do that and blame ourselves for other peoples actions. It's our own actions to their decisions that sometimes let us down and be resolved or at least understood just by talking in a way both parties feel free to talk about how they feel.

  12. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Not Limited

    Spoke to my son and he said he would never leave as this is his home,ny daughter came and picked up some of her things but wouldn't engage.

    Just received email from wife requesting a divorce settlement, can't afford legal representation and need to protect him any way I can.

    I made a new will yesterday leaving anything I have to him and trusting him to look after his sister, there was no other way to do this as my wife and daughter could band together to sell our home.

    My head is frigging spinning out of control now, it very hard to keep a thought process going.

    How do you get over this, all I want to do is sleep as much as I can to make the days pass, I don't like alcohol, tried but it's awful so I can't numb myself.

    I appreciate all the replies thank you guys so much but I'm just so lonely, day after day after day.

  13. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6604 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Rod32
    Hey Rod32,

    Thanks for reaching out tonight,

    We can hear that you're in a very stressful and turbulent time of your life. Many stressful events are happening at once and we understand why this would lease you to feel so hopeless and lost. Please know that life can and will get better. We're sending a private email to you to check in with your well-being.

    Please remember if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).
     
  14. Rod32
    Rod32 avatar
    18 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    I received your email guys and I thank you for that, I wasn't going to touch my wife's super or spousal support as I am retired and wife clears$1600 pw.

    Don't want to do it but if this is necessary to protect my child I guess it leaves me no choice.

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