Hello, I need some help.

I tried calling the hotline. I said I was experiencing suicidal thoughts and the counsellor ended the call ended after 11 minutes. I wish I never called. I think that's an awful way to treat another human being and I feel worse.

I don't understand, who am I supposed to talk to? I told her things aren't working out with my therapist. She told me that I didn't connect with the therapist and that's what happens to people and to just find a new therapist and gave me a website. I expressed that I don't really have the resources for that. Then she ended the call, like that instantly fixes everything. I said oh dear this isn't good, and she continued to end the call. That is very dismissive.

I don't understand. What am I supposed to do wait until I'm worse? I just wanted to talk to someone. Who can I talk to?

I really regret making that phone call. I just want to get better. I thought the the helplines were supposed to be there for help :/

I don't know what to do about how I am feeling. I don't understand why these scenarios keep popping in my head that I am gone. I don't want to die. I feel very alone and scared right now. I feel like everytime I reach out to another person for support it doesn't work and makes things worse. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to manage it on my own I'm trying to get better.

Thanks

 Dear Hello17425,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. We can see you felt dismissed and not heard. We are so sorry and are aware times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

Hi Hello17425

I hear what you're saying and my heart goes out to you. You can be looking for what makes the difference and what you find is sameness. You can be looking to be raised, have your consciousness and spirits raised, and be left just as lost while feeling brought down at the same time. I wish some of the call lines were given more resources, more people, more time to make a difference. This is a torturous time for so many out there, where those who wish to make a difference are being stretched beyond their limits and led to cut things short.

I'm glad you came here to express yourself. Do you feel distance between yourself and your therapist? If so, can you pick why it exists? I can remember some years ago seeing a psychologist (for depression), feeling an enormous distance between the 2 of us. He had a shirt and tie on, kind of business like as opposed to relaxed and his desk put added distance between the 2 of us. I believe what distanced the 2 of us the most was a lack of connection to begin with. If he had said to me something like 'I'm going to manage helping you to get to know yourself so that you leave here with greater self understanding and skills for life' I would have felt more connected, more excited, more optimistic. If he had said 'We're going to play detective and get to the bottom of who and what's bringing you down' I would have perhaps thought 'Finally, I will have my answers'. There was none of that 'Okay, this is the plan...' kind of talk. After several sessions, I left more confused than ever, feeling more of a 'failure' than ever. I was left with an empty feeling, regarding both wallet and spirit. Truth is, he failed to lead me to greater consciousness.

I believe, few work harder than those seeking greater consciousness. Why am I depressed? Why am I so anxious? Why do I feel so much, why am I so sensitive? Why can't I get out of the place I'm in (mentally)? Why can't I make sense of things? Those seeking greater consciousness work so hard to find their way to answers, even to the point of employing someone to help them find the answers. Those who don't seek change don't work so hard to find it. You definitely sound like a hard worker.

If it helps at all, I've found redefining 'disappointment' to be a game changer. If I appoint someone the role of 'He/she who will raise me (my consciousness and/or spirits)' and they fail to fill this role, I disappoint them from that role and move on to find someone who can fill the role.

:)