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Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: 16 Year Old Sister BPD

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. karaokelover
    karaokelover avatar
    3 posts
    6 June 2018

    I’m 21, and my 16 year old sister started smoking weed about a year and half ago. Looking back on it now, I can basically pinpoint when her personality began to change. I (and my family and her mental health professionals) believe that the drug use triggered Borderline Personality Disorder (yes she cannot be diagnosed until 18 but all her psychiatrists are saying this). My sister went from being kind and sweet, to robbing service stations, doing all sorts of heavy drugs, having a lot of sex, shoplifting and getting into punch-ups in the city. She is currently dating a 19 year old boy who has been in and out of jail, most recently for armed assault. I am having a lot of trouble trying to come to terms with this new person my sister is, and as much as I can acknowledge her mental disorder I cannot forgive her or move past the crimes she has committed. I miss my little sister and I also miss having a support system in my mother, who understandably has no time for me anymore.

    Does anyone have any coping tips they can give me because I am really struggling and feeling very down about my family situation lately.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    8 June 2018 in reply to karaokelover

    Hello Karaokelover and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

    It is good you've found your way to the community of caring, friendly, supportive and non judgemental people. It is a safe place to share stories.Thank you for sharing yours.

    I'm sorry it's taken us so long to respond. It has nothing to do with you, it's the system, which is soon to be replaced.

    It sounds very difficult for you at the moment. I get a sense that you are feeling rejected by your mum because her focus is elsewhere. That is hard and the feeling of rejection can be very strong.

    One of the things I've learnt is that it doesn't mean mums don't love their children any the less, it's just there was a lot of other things happening in their lives.

    To help us support you, we do ask questions. Though there is no pressure at all for you to answer anything you don't want to.

    From your post, I think there are a few things to think about for yourself. Firstly, it's important to ensure your own health is not impacted by what's going on around you. And that it's okay to care for yourself. You are important, very important.

    Talking about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing will help you to cope. Who do you have around that you can talk to? For example a family member (other than your mum or your sister), or a close trusted friend? There are support services out there you can call, e.g.

    • Beyond Blue Support Service 1300 224 636
    • Lifeline 13 11 14

    If you'd prefer these support services also have online chat services. Do a google search for the information.

    There is also a range of publications on the Beyond Blue website. Go to the search field at the top of the page and search for -

    Supporting someone with mental illness

    You're not alone karaokelover. Keep reaching out when you want to. There's no pressure that you do so though.

    Kind regards


  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3116 posts
    8 June 2018 in reply to karaokelover

    Hi karaokelover,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here!

    I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through - it sounds like it’s been really tough watching the person you once knew turn into someone you never quite expected. I can totally see why things would be hard right now and hope that we can offer you some support.

    What do you think is important to you to feel better about what’s going on? Is it about forgiving her for what’s happened, feeling supported by your family, understanding her BPD and why she’s made those choices?

    I think the most important thing and advice that I can give you is that it’s totally okay for you to feel what you’re feeling. I think in a way it’s kind of like grieving, because it’s a loss of a person that you once knew - all the attention may be on your sister right now but you deserve some too.

    Perhaps you could have a chat to your mother and let her know how you’re feeling - perhaps there’s a way where you can feel more supported too and find a way for it to even out a little? Or maybe there’s things that you can do for yourself - like self-care, support groups or being able to talk to a pro.

    If you’re interested, there’s a support group online especially for siblings -

    The whole aim of Siblings Australia is that it recognises that brothers and sisters get kind of isolated when things like this happen. So it’s a support group just for you that recognises how lonely and isolating things can be.

    Hope this is helpful! Feel free to post again or let us know if we can help more,

    1 person found this helpful

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