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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Do people going through a depressive episode want company?

Topic: Do people going through a depressive episode want company?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. ZoeS123
    ZoeS123 avatar
    2 posts
    8 July 2020
    Hi all, I have a very good friend going through a depressive episode at the moment. It has been over 3 weeks since it started - while he's been very slack with communication, he has previously indicated he wouldn't mind if I went over to his house where he lives alone, but at other times he has said he wants space, so I'm not sure how many more times to ask if he'd like some company? I've read that it's very hard for men to admit they need help, so maybe I should just tell him I'm coming over instead of asking. I'd just like to go and help with cooking food, laundry, general company etc but don't want to feel like I'm not wanted, or would hate for him to feel insecure/weak if I help do those household chores for him. NB: he lives 1.5 hours away from me so I won't be able to just pop by, it would have to be a dedicated trip. TIA for any help :)
  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3078 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to ZoeS123

    Hi ZoeS123,

    Thank you for your post and I so appreciate you being here and caring so much about your friend. He is very lucky to have a friend like yourself asking these questions.

    Gosh I wish I could tell you the answer, but to me it's asking "Do people going through a depressed episode like nutella?". There is no clear cut answer, as everyone is so so different. I wish there was though - it would make things a lot easier!

    What would be really ideal is for your friend to let you know in advance what helps (or even post episode) so that you can be there for him in the way that he needs. Perhaps he does want company but more so 'be in this space' as opposed to wanting to talk about it, or maybe he varies in what he needs.

    For my own partner, he's very different to me in that he can like his space but also want company. So now I say 'do you want me to hang out here and read my book, hang out and chat or come back later?'. Would this be something that seems doable for you?

    I know this probably doesn't answer your question, but if anything I want to let you know that your attempts at caring and giving him space are very much appreciated even if you're not quite sure exactly what he needs yet.

    rt

  3. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5825 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to ZoeS123

    Hi ZoeS123 you sound like a really caring friend and it must be so hard for you watching your friend going through depression. One thing I will say to you is be there for him if he needs you and don't take things to personally if he pushes you away. I have pushed people away with my depression and regret it now as they didn't really understand my depression. It's great you are trying to understand and help your friend. It is such a difficult thing for anyone to admit they are struggling with depression and need help. A Msg like I am here for you if you need to talk might be something you could send him and let's him know you care.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  4. InhaleExhale
    Student Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    InhaleExhale avatar
    54 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to ZoeS123

    Hi ZoeS123,

    This is such a super tricky balance. Would he pick up the phone if you called and asked if he was free? Is there an activity that you could do together that he has previously enjoyed?

    I find that with a few of my friends (with depression) who love dogs, I’ll entice them into taking my dog for a walk or to the dog park, allowing me to spend some time with them. Maybe you could go over to watch a movie together or maybe you already made him a meal and need to go over to deliver it. If you have a go at scheduling something low key and then if he want’s his own space he will likely let you know.

    Good luck with it all and let us know how you get on.

    InhaleExhale

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