Hi Tam and welcome.
I also live with a partner with anxiety. The fun part is I have anxiety and depression, so we can be a barrel of laughs!
First I think it’s important to note that every person with anxiety/depression will cope in different ways.
Personally, I seek out comfort, someone to talk to and a way to reassure myself that I’ll be ok. Whereas my partner does the opposite. He just wants to be alone, no hugs, no talking, just alone.
I find this hard because I want to help, but he doesn’t seem to want any help whilst he is in the midst of it.
Sometimes I come home and ask how he’s feeling, I know from how he responds what he needs from me at the time. Sometimes what he needs is nothing.
What I have found useful is talking when he feels well. I know it’s tough to interrupt a happy moment discussing difficult things, but that’s when he’s most receptive. When I say talking I don’t mean big deep and meaningful conversations, more like bite sized chunks of emotion. He’s not great with emotion in general so trying to do too much at once doesn’t work. Sometimes it might just be “you seem like you’re having a good day”.
I’ve found from these little conversations that he does notice the little things, they are important. So what I try and do is just keep up with the little things. Making a cup of tea, saying “I’m in the lounge if you need me” and leaving him to it. He appreciates that I understand.
I’ve found that over time that he now comes out of his little hidey hole a bit more and has even tried counselling.
I think there is a chance things might change on their own, but it might take a long time.
From my point of view, all I want is to know that people like/love me regardless. That if I need them, they’ll be there and when looking for support I know which direction to turn. I think my partner (and probably your husband) want the same, they just look for you to show it in different ways.
My advice to you would be to keep being supportive and read his cues.