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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Help with bod panther pushing my away [Trigger warning: domestic violence]

Topic: Help with bod panther pushing my away [Trigger warning: domestic violence]

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nuttytech
    Nuttytech avatar
    3 posts
    24 December 2017

    Hi I like to say this before we start I have a lot of anger issues In the process off working it out with my doctors and a health care plan.

     

    Hi my author have has bpd And we have been together for 7 mouth.In the first 2-4 weeks we where great when she was upset I would talk to her. When she went self harming I would sit there for hours with her say it ok there nothing to fear.

    And we where great but there was a night about 6 mouth ago where we got in a real fight the type off fight that you see in boxing ring. And that fight I pushed here to get help but not addressed my own issues.So we would keep fighting and keep fighting.

    Tell about 4 mouth ago where I had a metal brake down. And lost my child the house we loved in We where homeless for about 3 weeks. so we rented a room from the guy. Who was a drug dealer

    We had a big fight about 3 mouth and I left for 4 days after saying same very mean things to her. The roommate give her same drugs to get out off that bad mind set.

    About 2 mouth ago we had a very big fight over her using drugs after party with the roommate and got into a Fight. I left and stop talking to her for 1 week.Then we start to talk and she told me she was going out party with the roommate. The next day I got a message at 4am saying need help.

    She had went on a bender  and I rushed her off to the hospital. Where she was in there for 4 days detox her.I had to got her out off that house that she was in so.

    I decided we where going to be staying with my brother. Then she had started to go back to her self we where getting help for her and I with support workers. But at the time I was to much off a man to get any help so I refused.

    Fast forward 6 weeks we had another fight over her drinking I over reacted over a time spand of 3 days we had the police at the house 4 time for fighting.

    We Where told to away stay for 72 hurs by the police or one off eles we will go to jail then we I realised I need help. And I took 4 days to get the help I need with support workers and drs.

    But how do I show her I getting help and I not the person I was. Sine the last fight she has not been her self very around me.I would try to hold hand with her and she take her hand away. There no more I love you or if there is dose sound like it true

  2. Nuttytech
    Nuttytech avatar
    3 posts
    24 December 2017 in reply to Nuttytech

    I have tried talk to her about this and she Say I don’t know. I know she scared off me and I don’t blame her. I feel she only talk to me as we live in the same house and need each other to pay the bills.

    I want her to get her bpd manage But the life still we had and she continue to have is very toxic. I care so much about her and I feel I have done to much damage to repair it.

    My question to you all is.

    Do I let her go and Help her where ever she need in a friend cent

    let her go for good and move out and stop talking to her.

    Or keep trying to show her I here for her and hope there is a relationship to build.

    sorry if not allowed on the forum I just need help.

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10561 posts
    25 December 2017 in reply to Nuttytech

    Dear Nuttytech~

    You sound as if oyu have a lot of hassles in your life - none of them easy and it can be a real puzzle what to do for the best, particularly as you care for your GF, who has her own problems too. I think your coming here to see what other people think is a good idea.

    There is a sign on passenger aircraft that says:

    Put oxygen mask on self before others.

    This is a pretty good way of saying you have to be OK yourself before you can give proper help to someone else.

    If it was me, and it is true I don't k now all the circumstances, I'd try to sort out my own issues with medical and social support. This would not be easy and will take time, but you can end up a better more reliable person that people will not be afraid of.

    If at the same time you simply let her know you care and are there for her but don't press, just help as needed, you will be setting a good example and also giving her hope that you can change. That example may encourage her to get here BPD treated and help her not to go on benders which only hurt her.

    Please let us know how you are getting on.

    Croix

  4. Bethie
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bethie avatar
    326 posts
    25 December 2017 in reply to Nuttytech

    Hi and welcome

    Right now just try and be her house mate. All the talk in the world wount make any difference without seeing you take action by getting help yourself.

    My partner suffers PTSD and untill recently had horrific flashbacks. The last one he grabbed my thumb as if to break it and also held a non existent knife at my throat. Luckly there was no real knife or pressure on my thumb but it was a case of look hun i know you don' like tablets but get help or I go. He got help and 3 weeks on now is back to normal.

    Being in a violent relationship leaves scared on both people. To come back together requires open honest 2 way communication. That can only happen once each party seeks individual help because they want it,

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