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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / How to co-parent/talk with with a negative thinker with BPD & clinical depression?

Topic: How to co-parent/talk with with a negative thinker with BPD & clinical depression?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. sixthinline
    sixthinline avatar
    1 posts
    8 March 2022

    Ex diagnosed with depression many years ago. Fleeting moments of therapy over the years-is on medication.

    Situation today: 18M son wanting to go to a concert, asked friends if anyone wanted to come. 5 said yes. He offered to get tickets. Dad wants to go to, no worries. Max tix allowed 6. He asks dad to buy his own as he can't in the allocation, GA so doesn't need to be bought together. Dad says can't as at work, son asks me to buy on his behalf-not a problem and lets him know. Dad says no, don't worry, he doesn't feel welcome now.

    Then tonight he is sending messages: I'm kicking him when he is down and have rubbed of on "son", {I asked what?} We have all hurt him more than any of us understand, the last person he thought would has torn his heart in 2, {I asked how has son torn heart in two?}, I wouldn't believe him, what difference does it make {I replied it obviously makes a difference to him, suggested getting someone else's perspective on it}, I have taught them well, the total humiliation is complete, {I asked what he meant by humiliation is complete}, the 4 of us have completely humiliated and broken him, destroying his self worth and his own being, We have done more damage than we have solved, {I replied with I have no idea why he is thinking this in regards to son. Again suggested getting an unbiased opinion from someone and see what they say}.

    I try to keep things logical and take emotion out of situations, particularly when it comes to ex. However I am at a complete loss as to how to respond to these types of situations. We are no longer together as his behaviour was out of control and he would not seek professional treatment. I could not have that around myself and our children any longer. 1 child has gone virtually no contact, the youngest is verging on the same. Son is the only one still in semi regular contact and he struggles with various aspects of their relationship.

    He has been on a knife's edge for some time and I don't know how to approach him. It seems like he takes these types of situations as a personal attack against him, where I see them as a slight inconvenience with a feasible solution.

    Any suggestions as to how to approach this with him?

  2. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2124 posts
    9 March 2022 in reply to sixthinline

    Hi sixthinline,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Im sorry your ex behaves in this way, it seems to be the way he perceives things.

    Hopefully one day he can learn to change his perspectives.

    I understand it would be difficult.

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