Dear Only Me~
Welcome to the bb Forum, I'm sorry you have to come here with this set of circumstances.
It looks to me you have three sets of problems. One is your husband failing at business, money hassles and maybe a gambling problem too.
Another is the fact your teenage kids don't contribute
However the major one is your husband has shut you out. And he's broken though a pretty big boundary, telling you to leave. This is not something that is easy to take back and is pretty heartbreaking. There really is no defense against this sort of thing, as you said sadly it rips your heart to pieces.
Also if he and the kids don't seem to care if you go it really does make things pretty terrible.
You did ask for advice on how to communicate with him. Well I'd imagine you have been talking for some time and it has gone nowhere, or worse had had negative results, maybe the arguments you mentioned.
It may be once you are somewhere else away from him that may give him a different perspective. Meeting in a neutral setting - if he is willing - sounds as if it might be reasonable. You could write a letter, this has the advantage of giving you a chance to set things out properly, but does not let you see any reaction.
If you did have the chance to talk, what do you think you would like to say? I suppose one thing, if you think he might be depressed is to suggest he see his GP, however if he has already refused counseling I don't know how he would take that.
Does he have anyone he respects and listens to?
Your own welfare is the most important thing at this time. It may be hard to see that, particularly if you are worrying about him, finances and the kids.
It would be horribly hard to leave but I don't see any
alternative. Trying to stay in such circumstances does not sound
possible. Do you have anywhere to go? Family or friends? Just as
importantly is there anyone you can talk to who will care and
You said you were the person that kept it all together in the family, I guess they will miss that now.
Even though it might seem like early days I think you should look into your rights and what services are available to yu . Giving our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) a ring might be a good idea as they can advise you.
Please stay on here and say how you are going and what is happening