Welcome to Beyondblue and thank you for reaching out.
I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. My husband has had depression and has experienced depressive episodes on major life changes, like the birth of our son. From my own similar experiences, the hurtful words are the illness speaking. It is difficult to take one on the cheek and not feel something, but I would always step back and remember what he was like when we met and what he truly is like when depression is under control.
My priority is ensuring my son was well and taken care of. How is she with your child? Is she able to take care of him?
One of the most difficult lessons l have learnt is that you cannot change your partner. It is their responsibility and theirs alone to own and address. No matter how much you love them and want to help them, it remains their responsibility. As carers, we can only support and provide hope. It’s a delicate balance between providing support and giving them space. Don’t take it personally if she says hurtful things or doesn't want you around, even though this is a really tough thing to do. You can gently remind her that you are there if she needs you, but not try and fix it as it seems you have done all you can for her.
Concentrate on your own self-preservation for this can slide when we are in the hot seat. Don't give up friendships, plans, or activities that bring you joy. Join a Carers support group so you can talk openly in a non-judgemental environment. I have located a local group who are immensely supportive during the more difficult times. Carers Australia provides such support groups. Is a not-for-profit dedicated to improving the lives of carers through carer counselling, advice, advocacy, education and training. Also Mental Health Carers ARAFMI Australia provide specialist mental health support to families, carers and their friends. Both organisations are worth contacting.
Have you sought some professional help for yourself? If you are raising a child it is important to maintain your own mental health as you don’t want to see both parents in a downward spiral.
Jason321, you are truly courageous and l admire your love and determination to preserve your marriage. I hope l have helped in some way. Sending you hope and blessing. Carmela