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Topic: Secondhand Sufferer

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Solique
    Solique avatar
    8 posts
    9 December 2017

    2,500 words is simply not enough to illustrate the year I’ve had this year.


    Now 2,425 - but I’ll try my best.


    July 22, 2017 my “ordinary” day to day life had been stirred. My partner and my brother were assaulted. My brother sustained serious injuries, meanwhile my partner was left unconscious with a brain haemorrhage.


    I thank luck every day they’re still alive today.


    August 9, 2017, my life this time had been turned completely upside down. My partner lost his dad suddenly without warning. The night before, we lost our first pet together. Also without warning.


    That was the day I lost my partner too, to depression, anxiety and PTSD.


    It was also the day I lost myself too.


    Before the 22nd of July, I was (and unfortunately still am) a sufferer of depression and anxiety. After the 22nd July, as mentioned previously, I became a secondhand sufferer and I don’t know if I can do it anymore.


    My partner had been for a long time my only life support and now I am alone - he isn’t “himself” anymore. He’s not the person I fell in love with.


    And I get it. Mental illnesses can unshape you and change you. I’ve suffered with trauma myself and it changed me too.


    I didn’t want to be alone anymore so I contacted my therapist and am now waiting to see them in January, but right now, I’m in a lot of pain. I am taking on not only my world of daily struggles, but his too.


    What hurts the most is, he fails to understand how this has affected me too and whenever I try to sit and down and maturely explain how this has affected me, he says I don’t understand what he’s been through.


    But I do. I really do.


    I’m an empty vending machine. I’ve given all I had until I had nothing left to give and there is no one to restock me because the only person who knew how to, is not the person I once knew.


    The miracle question people often ask is: if you could wave a magic wand and wish upon a magic star, what would you wish for?


    I would wish for my life back. To make this suffering go away for the both of us. For all of us.


    How do I feel right now? Numb. Barely alive.

    398 words to go and I have reread my thread over and over again. There is so much I want to add, but the truth is, even if I had 1,000 more words, I don’t have any left in me.


    I hope this is clear enough for everyone to read and I apologise if it’s not. But nonetheless, thank you for taking time out of your day to stop by and allow me to vent. 😊


    Helpful advice is always welcome.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9782 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to Solique

    Hi S, welcome

    Straight away I feel where you are at. Some of us here have endured down periods in our lives.

    The positive is there if you seek it. 2018. At the end of next year, to be in a betyer place, both of you.

    please google these. Read the first post.

    Topic: be radical- beyondblue

    Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

    Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

    Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

    Topic: happy marriage, hobbies and spirit- beyondblue

    Topic: relationship strife? The peace pipe- beyondblue

    I hope they help. Time is also a good helper.

    Repost anytime

    Tony WK

  3. Bethie
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bethie avatar
    326 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to Solique

    Oh god S

    IT sounds like your my twin. Right down to the month of your partners accident. It' really really hard stepping up when it seems nobody understands.

    Onot advice I can give since I'm going through nearly mirror image stuff atm myself but my partner also has amnesia because of his accident is that we need to believe that somehow someway someday things will workout and calm down.

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16491 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to Solique
    hello Solique, firstly thank you for deciding to post your comment and from what you have told us, it's been a pretty tough journey, and for your partner to substain a brain hemorrhage is something I can definitely relate to, and feel what I know may happen in the future for him.
    I'm also very sorry for your partner's dad to suddenly pass away and then a pet that you both were enjoying to pass away would have all been such an unpleasant shock.
    Boy, there has been so much that has happened I absolutely feel for the two of you, and yes 2500 words isn't enough for what I want to say to you, because I have personally been through everything you have told us, but I have to protect you from what happened with me, that's why I want to take this slowly with you.
    The trauma which has changed you is also very important for you to feel as though you can trust us by telling us.
    It's a difficult point in your life, simply because you are suffering from depression and your partner is trying to overcome a brain haemorrhage, both of these are just as important at the moment, and no your partner won't be able to communicate with you right now, so please don't blame him and you shouldn't blame yourself either, right now both of you need urgent help.
    Can I suggest that you get in contact with your local health community because they have counsellors there, plus contact Anglicare,they were terrific for me,and if you can write down everything that has happened, ( I know that's long, DOESN'T MATTER )and certainly see your doctor, unfortunately your partner won't be able to respond back to you, and I will talk about him after you reply back to us.
    Again I'm horrified by what has happened, and please accept my deepest sympathy. Geoff. x
  5. Solique
    Solique avatar
    8 posts
    10 December 2017

    Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. I appreciate your feedback more than you know.

    Thanks white knight for the insightful topics - I will definitely take time out of my day to read them.

    I’m extremely sorry to hear Bethie that you are experiencing similar issues to my own. I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is - you already know. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this, so thank you for sharing your story as well. We can do this together. 😊

    Thank you Geoff for your insightful response.

    Thankfully, the brain haemorrhage has subsided. But there are secondary health issues he is currently experiencing. Right now as I type this, I am at the hospital patiently waiting for my partner to have an hour MRI for his brain and spinal cord. Due to the assault, he has unfortunately sustained injuries to his spinal cord which has caused a great deal of pain and worry for him. But I can tell you now, it’s exhausting. It’s also exhausting knowing the fact that if the second round of medication won’t assist his pain, then he may be in hospital yet again for another week - I’m not looking forward to it if it does come down to it.

    I work more or less full time hours (although I work casually) and I can’t take any more time off of work. I’ve already taken two months off after the incident. I also need to keep us financially stable due to him working limited hours. He doesn’t understand this either. He doesn’t understand how difficult this is for me as well as him but no matter what, I’ll support his decision.

    I want to be heard as well. Especially because I am experiencing my own health issues too. Both physically and mentally.

    In response to your advice to seek seek medical advice, I mentioned previously in my thread I am waiting for my psychologist to see me in January. 😊

    I know at the end of the day, my partner is suffering. And I want to do everything and anything to help make this easier for him. But it’s hard to help someone who is absorbed into their own world of mental illnesses - Like I said, I’ve been there and done that.

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Bethie
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bethie avatar
    326 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to Solique

    If needed talk to a social worker at Centerlink.They've helped me alot. Like you when my partner had his accident we where both working. I had to give up because it just wasn' right leaving a 14 year old to look after his Dad. There is help available from Super funds under disability cover. After Christmas I'll know more. Maybe that can take some of the pressre of. Like you I'm so over hospitals. Heck the P.A here knows how I take my coffee now 😂😂.

    Today I sat down with J ( my partner) and talked about our financial future. Sure we wount have the big house but we can afford a small rural place if he gets put on permanent disability.

    There is allways options. Stay strong please. Together we can beat this.

    3 people found this helpful

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