I have been following this thread for some time now. It has been very comforting to see put into words snippets of exactly what I have been experiencing.
My husband has been struggling with depression his whole life, but he is suffering a lot worse right now. The past 3-4 years have been a struggle and very traumatic to say the least. I am thankful that this past year has been progress despite the ups and downs. That's given me something to hold on to and I've learned so much about myself and what helps me cope.
I am posting because my husband has just had another nervous breakdown and has locked himself in a room of the house since yesterday. He'll emerge very briefly, but has been aggressive when I have interacted with him so the best I can hope for is to see/hear signs that he's alive and try to avoid conflict/him (which isn't hard as he's trying to avoid me).
He's said it in the past many times, but this latest round he's mentioned a lot that I am not good for his mental health and that we shouldn't be together, that my actions don't show him that I care. I treat him with respect, cover his responsibilities when he can't take care of himself or our toddler, cook/organise shopping, am always available if he needs to emotionally offload which is multiple times a week...
So I'm feeling over it right now, and starting to buy in to what his depression is saying. Maybe we would be better off apart because then I won't have to put up with emotional abuse when his depression flares every few weeks, and the constantly living in anxiety over what his mood might be.
Finding it hard to stay positive in this current crisis. Scared about what the future may hold. Trying to keep calm and collected for me and my toddler. Missing my partner.