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Topic: The wife of a mental health sufferer.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mrs Mo
    Mrs Mo avatar
    3 posts
    5 January 2018

    My husband and I have been together for 3 years and have a loving relationship that is the envy of most. His relationship with the mother of his 13 year old daughter has been difficult, they split 7 years ago and until he started a relationship with me, he had regular access to his daughter. His ex has now cut off access to his daughter as a result of him being with me even though they had split years before I came on the scene. I have only met her once and she verbally abused me in public. All legal advice we have had to date hasn't given us any hope of resolving the situation.

    Late last year he suffered an episode and was hospitalised for a few days. Up until that point I had no idea of the history of his mental illness, however I do now. He returned to work after a few weeks off and appeared to be working towards recovery with new medication and counselling. Over the last few days, the signs of another breakdown have appeared, he won't get out of bed and I'm exhausted from worry, and I'm ashamed to say I'm becoming angry with the situation. The episode last year scared the life out of me and I am doubting my ability to cope with another similar issue. He is on the verge of losing his job because of the amount of time off he is having and I am worried sick about the effect that will have on him and the thought of having to financially support us both. I just don't know what to do to help him or myself.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Bethie
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bethie avatar
    326 posts
    5 January 2018 in reply to Mrs Mo

    Hi

    Your here now so we can help. I know in my case caring for a husband with MH scared my badly at first because we went down to 1 income then I gave up work to look after him. Centrelink is fantastc with helping and because your husband currently has a job he can get sickness benift with a Centrelink doctors certificate. Contact Centrelink and they will talk you through the paperwork.

    Might be a idea to see your GP yourself. It's hard looking after a person and I know with me I was encouraged to talk.

    As for getting your husband out of bed well this might sound a bit sneaky but would he drive you to the doctors if you asked him to? Sometimes I know when I want to curl up in bed and the world to go away with my own depression if I'm asked to do something for my husband or son it makes me feel wanted and gets me up.

    Please let us know how things go. Your husband really needs to get to a GP

    1 person found this helpful
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9391 posts
    7 January 2018 in reply to Bethie

    Hi Mrs Mo

    Bethie has a good suggestion there.

    A few things I can think of. Bare in mind my 14yo daughter, 11 years ago now, stopped seeing me as she was brainwashed by her mother. Its a terrible feeling.

    - take the view, she will be an adult in 5 short years time. She can make her own decisions then. Yes he and his daughter suffers but then she might come and see him. Mine came at 22yo. It didn't last long as she had preconceived ideas. But she might return.

    - evil can flourish but sometimes its best to allow it to occur and just be there when needed.

    - you are not in this world to communicate to that woman. You've done your best, that's good enough. Keep away from her no matter the injustice she throws at you.

    A few threads below might help. read the first post only and you can reply there or here.

    Sorry you are in a pickle.

    Use google

    Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

    Topic: workplace absenteeism- beyondblue

    Topic: Depression, distraction and variety- beyondblue

    Topic: wit, the only answer for torment- beyondblue (that ones for you if you find yourself being abused by her)

    Topic: defending yourself, don't be an easy target- beyondblue

    Good luck

    Tony WK

  4. Mrs Mo
    Mrs Mo avatar
    3 posts
    11 January 2018 in reply to Bethie

    Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I feel better knowing I'm not alone. It is a viscous circle, he needs to work to support his daughter, but the work he does contributes to his stress levels. I sometimes find myself getting angry with him, which just makes the situation worse. I will make an appointment with his GP to try and get some advice for me and some support.

    Thanks again for listening.

  5. Mrs Mo
    Mrs Mo avatar
    3 posts
    11 January 2018 in reply to white knight
    Thank you white knight. It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this. And the threads you have provided me with look helpful, am going to have a look at them now.

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