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Forums / Treatments, health professionals and therapies / narcissistic abuse syndrome - c ptsd support australia

Topic: narcissistic abuse syndrome - c ptsd support australia

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. reallym3again
    reallym3again avatar
    1 posts
    24 February 2016

    looking for support for narcissistic abuse syndrome or cptsd experienced professionals in australia.. 

    it has been too long, i need to get real support instead of videos from o.s. persons who offer so much wisdom but i cannot connect to work through my stuff. i want to heal so i can be a better mum.

    4 people found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8071 posts
    24 February 2016 in reply to reallym3again

    Hi Reallym3again, welcome

    I'm sorry if you don't get an answer that details the professionals you ask for. You are more than welcome to start another thread detailing your situation. We have a diverse community here of people with life's experience.

    Can I say that, for you to improve your motherhood by seeking advice is highly commendable.

    Tony WK

    2 people found this helpful
  3. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10501 posts
    25 February 2016 in reply to reallym3again

    Hi Reallym3again

    Like Tony mentioned, it is difficult to help if we are unaware of your situation..We really have no where to start..except to say well done to have the courage to post in the first place..and your wish to heal

    We are here for you

    Paul

     

    1 person found this helpful
  4. pipsy
    pipsy avatar
    2255 posts
    25 February 2016 in reply to reallym3again

    Hi reallym3again.  I'm wondering if you're suffering the after effects of long term abuse at the hands of an NPD.  If so, I presume every time you try to do something, the voice of the NPD comes into your mind, putting you down for whatever it is you're trying to achieve.  PTSD, is an after effect of any traumatic situation and can have devastating effects, like insomnia, general feeling of incompetence etc.  Many returning soldiers suffered the same thing.  All I can suggest at this stage is asking your G.P for a referral to a specialist in the field of PTSD.  There are heaps of specialists around, who deal with traumatic situations, but a specialist in your particular case would have to first of all listen without interrupting you.  When we suffer long term abuse from NPD's, the hardest part is getting anyone to believe what we suffered.  It's the emotional abuse that's hardest to cope with because of lack of visible scars.  The constant feeling of waiting for the next 'axe' to fall, waiting for the next put down.  Not being able to defend ourselves because everytime we do, we're told how stupid and useless we are.  Was your abuser parent, sibling, spouse, fellow worker.  Fellow worker would be harder because you can't always walk away.  At least with spouse, sibling, parent, there is a form of escape by walking away. 

    I suppose you think I'm just another one offering wisdom.  If that is the case, you also have a lot of suppressed anger for your abuser.  This also needs to be addressed by a specialist. 

    Best of luck in your quest to end your nightmare.

    6 people found this helpful
  5. Chris B
    Community Manager
    • Works for beyondblue managing these forums. Not a mental health professional, but here to help. Email: christopher.banks@beyondblue.org.au
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Chris B avatar
    1758 posts
    25 February 2016

    Hi reallym3again, welcome to the forums.

    As the other members have mentioned, we can provide peer support here online around your situation if you tell us a bit more about what is going on for you.

    We can't provide recommendations for professionals here online, though - for that it's best to call our support service on 1300 22 4636.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Tardy
    Tardy avatar
    9 posts
    29 July 2019

    I’m new to this site, my first post, and I too need help. I’ve even had problems finding a councillor who’s willing to help. My narcissist is not volatile not in the true sense of the word, although at times dose flair up in a rage eyes large stareing my down like a madman to intimidate me for the smallest thing, but this seems to have stopped lately. My narcissist uses passive abuse. If I say the word gaslighting they (councillors) seem to drop me. Is there something wrong with someone using this term?

    I feel as though I’ve turned into a raving lunatic. I’m the one name calling, yelling, hysterically crying. I’ve had so many years of passive abuse I feel so damaged, so hopeless and so foolish. I just don’t know which way to turn and I’m Frightened.

    I’ve been with this person for so many years if I say something to my family or friends they won’t believe me. My children think it’s me and my adult daughter will become aggressive and abusive. In fact, she is quite often abusive to me and I think this because she has learnt this over the years of watching the way my partner treats me.

    I’m sorry for sounding Contradicted and I don’t really know what I’m asking for. I think I just need someone to believe me and to tell me what I’ve gone trough in not ok.

    3 people found this helpful
  7. Tardy
    Tardy avatar
    9 posts
    7 September 2019 in reply to pipsy

    Thank you to everyone for your support and kindness. This has given me some strength and I don’t feel so helpless and lonely anymore. I have recently visited my GP and found this also helpful. I have also posted on this site under Relationship and family issues, or perhaps it’s posted on PTSD & Trauma- also be so helpful. It’s helped me validate that I’m not overreacting to his treatment. My husband likes to abuse me when I’m sick recovering or extremely vulnerable and yes he makes me feel incompetent, undesirable and undeserving. After 40 years of this I have serious trust issues and it’s taken me a while to find I doctor I can trust. Thank you showing me there’s beautiful kind people out there.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Snuggle pot
    Snuggle pot  avatar
    1 posts
    25 September 2019 in reply to Tardy

    Dear Tardy

    I was very sad reading your posts, 40 years is a long time to endure this type of abuse, it’s soul destroying. But take comfort, there are many other women walking in your shoes, your husband is a covert narcissistic abuser, what you’ve written is text book. Google covert narcissistic abuse, flying free now & confusion to clarity - knowledge is power & I hope you gain yours.

    I plan to return to this page & check up on you..

    Please send an update if you receive this?

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Indy girl
    Indy girl avatar
    1 posts
    19 April 2020 in reply to Tardy

    I’m so sorry to hear of your story you speak of with your covert (passive-aggressive) narcissistic husband. The pain and confusion you must be experiencing would be extreme. You are not alone as many others have been through what you have and come out on the other side better and stronger. It seems you have huge fear of abandonment (rightly so- probably from the fear of losing the people closest to you that perhaps are completely brainwashed by your covert narc husband also) that may have prevented you from putting in the necessary boundaries (or leaving) before now.
    I read a book recently that was fantastic on this topic as I dealing with moving away from my covert narcissistic mother. It was very validating. The book is called ‘The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist’, written by Debbie Mirza.
    Also, I recommend looking up the TRTP (The Richards Trauma Process) website and check out the videos they have on there. Might be something worth investigating to help empower you during these times.

    If you can, find some trusted allies (that are not friends or family members of your husband). Someone who will believe you. If there is no one, maybe it’s worth branching outside of your current network and creating a new connection with someone who you feel is has healthy relationships and could be trustworthy that you could have as a sounding board to double check if crazy-making behaviours your husband puts you through are exactly that.

    Good luck!

    1 person found this helpful
  10. E-wreck
    E-wreck avatar
    1 posts
    3 May 2020 in reply to Indy girl

    Thank you.

    Reading your post has given me strength and much needed support. All of which I'm going to need on my journey of leaving my (what I now know) covert narcissist husband.

    I never knew there were different types of NPD.

    We have separated and currently living under the same roof until he finds a place to rent.

    Been married 17years. Making the decision to separate was the hardest part for me.

    And I am in the middle of an emotional rollercoaster. Trying to hide it while in his company cause my narc enjoys seeing me unhappy.

    I will be looking for that book you recommended :-)

    Needing to gain my own validation of how I'm now leaving a second marriage.

    Learning everyday.

    Hope it gets easier and I can stop blaming myself. I know I can...I will....with help and support of professionals and others who have experienced this.

    Writing in a forum is my first step.

    Face to face is what I am going to look for in a support group.

    I don't know if I'm even making sense.

    Anyway...first post...

    I guess just knowing that it is a real 'thing' after all this time and learning about a covert narcissist puts my last 17 years into perspective.

     

  11. Lipak
    Lipak avatar
    1 posts
    3 May 2020 in reply to E-wreck

    This post makes me feel like I'm not alone.

    My wife used to criticise me unfairly all the time and when I tried to talk to her about it I was constantly gaslighted about it. Pretended she didn't know what I was talking about. Said it never happened. Said I took it the wrong away. After I called it out, it became more and more covert. She knew my soft spots and she would jab at them.

    Counsellors barely believed me. When I mentioned the word gaslighting they changed the subject. Including couples counsellors. Including Relationships Australia, who said "I'm sure you felt like you were gaslighted" and we moved on without ever talking about it. Adding insult to injury. Like "you're crazy, it didn't happen, let's not talk about it, move on".

    Like Tardy, she now only attacks my self esteem when I'm feeling vulnerable. She senses it, and goes for it. And very covertly so I can't call it out. And then enjoys when she sees it stings. My whole family were gaslighters, who I even voluntarily estranged myself from for a period. Is it any wonder then?

    When you're stuck with your gaslighter, with kids and finances at risk, it feels hopeless. When counsellors have disbelieved you and insulted it. It hurts a lot.

    I'm trying to heal. Step by step. Stay strong everyone.

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