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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Being tested weekly

Topic: Being tested weekly

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. motivation
    motivation avatar
    3 posts
    2 May 2021

    Hi

    I've just joined the forum.

    Not sure how to begin this or if what I am doing is right or crazy.

    I'm looking for advice on where to go next, what to do next.

    I guess I don't want to go in to detail, because I feel uncomfortable revealing someone else's personal story.

    However my wife is definitely dealing with issues which I feel fall under a category of not being able to handle rage.

    Rage is also sometimes very sudden and at a level which seems unbelievably out of control.

    Nothing I can say or do will help her to return to any state of calm.

    When she is in a state of calm she has suggested things that would "help next time"

    She has threatened me with a knife recently and I felt afraid for my life.

    She has at other times done things which I feel very uncomfortable about which involve waking up our sleeping daughter so that I would have to go and look after her while she cries. When she is in a rage she yells and swears vitriolically with my daughter in the room.

    I have learnt about myself that I am exceptionally good at handling angry people. Something I need to do for work quite often. If anything this has strengthened my ability to handle this part of my job. But because I am receiving this abuse consistently it is wearing me down in every other way.

    I only seek to make her life better and she is normally happy for a week. But once, almost without fail , per every weekend she explodes in a fit of rage. The source of the rage is always new, something else that can't be prepared for.

    I feel that this is a little unfair sometimes as I work very hard, keeping the house clean in an uphill battle against 3 super-mess-makers. My daughter, my wife and my small dog who all seem to keep me continuously working when I am at home. I do that all without thanks. When we first began our relationship my wife and I made a bargain that I would clean (as she is very messy) and she would cook (as I am 100% completely devoid of cooking ability). However the amount of cleaning has grown as we have grown. The places we have lived have gotten bigger and the size our family has grown with introduction of our daughter and dog. However my wife has reduced her cooking to maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes cooking for my daughter. But now mostly microwaving kids (they're healthy) frozen meals for daughter, sometimes resorting to takeaway. At which I don't judge but am constantly receiving judging and attacks.

    I need to know where to go next as talking is just not working.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    2 May 2021 in reply to motivation
    Hello Motivation and welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums.

    We really appreciate you sharing your story here with us. It can be a hard thing to do so thank you for trusting us. We hope you will start to receive some support, kind words or wisdom from some of the users here on the forums. It certainly sounds like you have been incredibly patient with your partner and have been trying your best to support her despite these quite difficult souding circumstances. It is never okay for your partner to make you feel unsafe or to threaten you. We are very sorry to hear that you have had to go through such experiences. 

    We think that the forums can be a safe space for peer support but  If you would like to speak to someone tonight about your relationship and get some support from a counsellor tonight, we would recommend getting in touch with the Mensline Service. They provide free telephone counselling 24 hours on 1300 78 99 78.

    Warmest Regards,
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    3 May 2021 in reply to motivation

    Hello Motivation, and thank you for the courage to post your comment.

    I am truly sorry for the situation you are in and I'm sure it's not pleasant at all, not only for yourself but also for your daughter.

    Being able to handle rage at work is totally different from it happening at home by your wife, the relationship between the two of you isn't the same as handling it at work, the circumstances are totally not the same, although it may increase your knowledge for work, but this is not where the problem is.

    To be threatened by a knife is very dangerous and not a situation anybody wants to be in and perhaps have you thought of ringing 000 where she will be assessed and may be given medication to help her control her behaviour and be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.

    I can't tell you what to do, but I can make a suggestion, and if I was in your position, I would be ringing that number to protect myself, the baby and the dog, hoping that medication may be the answer your looking for.

    I hope you can get back to us whenever you're available.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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