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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Feeling helpless

Topic: Feeling helpless

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. SLH123
    SLH123 avatar
    1 posts
    10 June 2019

    I don't know where to start really but I am a struggling mum my son is 18 and for the last 6 months he has changed he has had a horrible start to the year.

    Me and my husband support him all the time but he is so rude and disrespectful to us

    the reason for my post is that i lost it last night with him I was like a women gone mad and I am not proud of myself but I think I had just taken so much that it came it to head.

    Now I'm scared I have made him worse with his mental health.

    My feeling is I couldn't care less if I died tomorrow as I just can't cope with it anymore I'm not going to do anything stupid but I'm just so desperate to have my nice son back.

    We are waiting for a mental health plan for him and maybe I need to see someone too.

    Just had to write down how I feel feel like such a bad mother

    Thx for listening and reading x

    2 people found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    quirkywords avatar
    14709 posts
    10 June 2019 in reply to SLH123

    Thanks SLH123 for your post.

    Welcome to the forum. I am glad that you have written this post and reached out. This forum is full of kind supportive people.

    Firstly you are not a bad mother as you are trying so hard to help your son. You feel stressed and sometimes we can say things we don’t mean out of pure frustration.

    I think it would be helpful for you to get support,

    We love our children so much but we are human and we feel pain. We need help and support and a shoulder to cry on.

    Can you have a quiet chat with your son explaining how worried you are and how you want to help him.?

    thanks for your honest post.

    Quirky

  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2824 posts
    11 June 2019 in reply to SLH123

    Hi SLH123

    A warm and loving welcome to you!

    As Quirky mentioned, you're not a bad mum just a stressed one and understandably so. Guidance, for yourself, is a good idea. Seeing that we're typically not trained in childhood to deal with certain pressures that may come later in life (such as those present in mental health issues or motherhood), it pays to gain support, guidance and skills when those pressures arise. When you consider it, you're trying to cope with certain mental health challenges that are covered in a university education (psychiatry, psychology etc).

    As a wife and mum to 2 teenagers, I'm prone to the occasional 'break-down'. They are all beautiful souls, my bunch, but I find that about once every few years I am 'breaking it down' for them, how their behaviour is impacting me. These are pressure cooker events. You can feel the pressure building up and up until someone says something that triggers the release valve and then BAM, you find yourself letting off steam, sometimes severely scolding those around you. It can't hurt to tend to their wounds with words such as 'I love you deeply but I do not love your behaviour. Your behaviour challenges me and we need to work on how to address the challenges we're both facing here'. Such words are not enabling the behaviours (mine included), just addressing them.

    SLH123, I believe we humans are designed to let off steam. It's well noted that mental dis-ease (unease) can lead to physical dis-ease. This is the way we tick. Letting off steam ensures that the physical aspect of self is not heavily impacted. Actually, certain health cover businesses will offer discounts to those who are proven to regularly practice meditation (a form of personal mind control). They recognise the link between mind and body.

    I find that sometimes family life can heavily impact my identity (my 'I AM'), especially when it's the one thing I'm mainly identifying with. Eg: I AM frustrated. I AM angry. I AM hopeless and so on. Having a positive release valve in life allows me to shift my focus to a more positive identity, whilst taking care of the stress levels. Something as simple as bike riding with my son along bike paths in nature based environments sees me shift my energy and identity; I AM a proactive mum. I AM connected to life/people and nature (spiritual aspect). It becomes a mind/body/spirit well-being form of exercise.

    Shifting incredible energy/pressure more toward cooking up 'food for the soul' can be a challenge.

    :)

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