I’m 47, male, scared about posting here but feel very alone.

I’ve got a nice house, wife and kids, no financial worries and a good job with a great salary.

But I’m just not happy. I don’t know how to be happy. I feel very alone. I have no real friends. I don’t really socialise. My only interest is soccer but I don’t play or coach any more. I feel like I’ve got no purpose.

work is stressful and business results aren’t great. I’m worried I’ll lose my job soon even though I’m working really hard and long hours.

my boys are 17 and 19, I feel like they don’t need me anymore and I don’t have any value other than as an ATM.

I’m in a rut and don’t know what to do. I don’t like to talk in person. I tried a psychologist before and didn’t like it or get value from it.

dont know what to do any more. I don’t feel I have a future, value, any goals and I feel like I’ve pretty much got to the point now where nobody needs me and I’m effectively just treading water and killing time until I die.

what can I do differently?

Hi Number 4,

welcome to beyond blue. Sorry about the delay in replying to you. Sometimes posts slip between the cracks. But I have found yours now and replying...

For myself, my issues are in 2 parts - one part haemochromatosis, and the other is regular depression stuff. The first part is under control now, but the other side in an ongoing process. I guess what I am saying is that depression and irritability can be symptoms of haemochromatosis. So it might be worth having a chat with your GP.

But also, through this process I came to work out what was important to me as well.

Is everyday bad for you or just some/most days? If there are some days that are good, or parts of those days are good then perhaps you could write some of these in your next post.

I don't want to shove too many questions in your direction, but I am listening and hope you will come back and respond.

Tim

Dear 4,

I agree it might be a useful first step to visit your GP. Perhaps let him or her know the feelings you have been having. It might be useful to book a longer appointment than the standard consultation so you have time to fully discuss the issues. I’ve found that it’s really valuable, too, to find a GP you connect well with and to stick with them through your journey to wellbeing.

I’m with you on the psychologist thing and talking about feelings. It’s a fantastic service for some people but it’s not suited to everyone - we’ll all different :) I suggest you be open with your GP about this.

There is no shame in seeking help. Also, it may just be that you need a GP’s help initially to help you get out of the cycle you find yourself in or to give you the mind space and the effective tools to start helping yourself.

If you find yourself not socialising as much as you would like, is there perhaps the option to go out on some adventures or ‘date nights’ with your wife? Do the two of you have some common friends or couples who you could e.g. go out to dinner with? Might your kids like to go to watch some sports with you?

I’m not sure if I have helped, but I wish you all the best.