Hi Red cat
The stress you're facing sounds overwhelming and I so deeply feel for you.
Personally, my husband's a serious stress head, whereas I'm more of a solutions person. I haven't always been this way (far from it). Took me many years to discover that a challenge can approached in 1 of 2 ways: From the perspective of stress or from the perspective that dictates 'What is it going to take for me to rise to meet this challenge, in constructive ways?' I know sounds simple, although some challenges can entail a huge amount of emotion and 'letting go'.
If you know of friends or family members who can help you manage mentally and perhaps financially, consider making them your 'go to' people, while you face this current challenge. You may have to let go of what's possibly playing in your head to be able to rise to this challenge; you know those thoughts such as 'I can't let people know how much I'm struggling', 'I can't let people know I'm coming to rely on alcohol', 'I can't let people know how much I really need them to step up' and so on. Only pick non judgemental people in your circle of support. Harsh judgement/destructive criticism is never a part of any constructive management plan.
In facing financial challenge during this global business, I thought 'There's no way I'm going to seek solutions from my husband. If anything, he's doing nothing but stressing me out'. I picked my 'go to' person, who has a healthy balance of emotion and logic, and I sat down with them to try and work things out. Then I went to my husband with a plan and told him 'This is what we're looking forward to in the way of managing'. I couldn't have come up with this plan on my own. I needed someone to help me.
Red cat, sometimes we can't manage on our own, it's just not possible. Sometimes we need people to help raise us to solutions, through their support and advice. So, consider picking your 'go to' person or people, among the folk you know. Their solutions may involve things you'll perhaps need to further let go of. For example, if an adult is invited to move back home with their parents, it may be the best solution under the circumstances. Letting go of independent living for a brief period of time may make the most sense. Creating interdependent living, where the son/daughter and parents serve each other in a number of ways can be something worth mastering as a short term project.
Remember, pick a solutions person who is enthusiastic in helping you find ways of managing.