So this is the first time I have ever written anything about my situation... Or whatever you call it.
I guess you could say I've read all the FAQ's, I've seen all of the blog posts. Read a bunch of self help mumbo jumbo and the like and I guess I'm on here to look for some real world / real life examples of beating depression without all the fluffy meditation / love yourself / change your outlook nonsense which honestly does shit balls for me.
I most recently resonated with an article I found on google called "10 signs of walking depression" on one of the many occasions I wake up sit at my home office desk and decide to express my current mood in google search term format.
It never helps. Basically I just leave reading things like... "mmmHmmm yup that sounds like me. Man I'm depressed... Oh well I guess that means nothing useful can come of me today" ... and so I do nothing useful... Eat bad, mope about lay around find the odd burst of fleeting motivation after a coffee and then... Nothing again.
I've been dealing with depression for a large majority of my life and it came on most noticeably in High School when I would find myself thinking bad thoughts just to make myself feel sad and then would even self harm in a lame attempt to hurt / kill myself without ever having the balls to actually do it.
I'm now 30 years old. And on the exterior most would say I'm a smart successful man. I drive a nice car, I live in a nice place, I've got a good corporate career and I'm pretty good at what I do. I don't love it. But I'm good at it. But then again I don't know what I love. I don't think I'd know what I'm passionate about if it came up and bit me on the ass at this stage in my life because everything I thought I "LOVED" or really enjoyed doing just seems ... "meh / kinda fun" now.
Anyway I really hoped this wouldn't turn into a rant but it looks like it has. And I guess I already know what will come of the post...
I'm expecting a lot of replies or none of similar vain, which I don't know what I'll do with. A lot of .. "I hear ya buddy, but hey just hang in there alright. It gets better.. I've been there... It starts with a smile..." or some BS, that makes me go.. Great I'm not alone, but I'm still broken.
I guess I should also add I've gone to therapy which to me was a waste of time and nothing can shake this feeling I wake up with the majority of my days.
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