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Forums / Welcome and orientation / I just need to talk

Topic: I just need to talk

25 posts, 0 answered
  1. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    8 November 2021
    I just have knowone to talk to
  2. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9757 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi, welcome

    I'm here. I'll check my phone every hour or so for your posts. Looking forward to it.

    Anything on your mind?

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to white knight
    I keep causing fights with my husband. Its never his fault. I dont know where to begin. Im annoyed that he is coaching basketball. I dont know why. I used to take my son to basketball then when my daughter was born 4 years ago he said he was starting to coach. I was struggling with my new born. Then he had to start coaching another team. Then another team. I know I'm just annoyed at him but I th I nk the problem or issue is a lot deeper than that and I can't work it out. My sister came over the other week and there was was some change with the time but that didn't really bother me. He was so rude and saying tell her not to come. If I did that I would of been in trouble with her. He says I dont stand up for myself and I dont really with my family. Then I said I have to let mum and dad pick up the girls sometimes I the afternoon and he was rude about that. My head is going around I circles and I could go on and on. My daughter used to do dancing and I took her out for basketball instead because he never went to anything of hers because of basketball. If I bring it up it comes out all wrong and we just end up fighting and he says I need help and that I'm not supportive of him and so on. I do suffer from depression and anxiety. I feel like he gets to do anything he wants I and dont. Its my own fault for not really having much of anything in the way of sport or anything else. I know there are people here that have much bigger problems than me.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. jaz28
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    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi there,

    I am here to talk, I try and check the forums every day!

    Are you OK? What is bothering you?

    Jaz.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Petal22
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    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi sad and knowone to talk to,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Im really sorry you are feeling this way I understand.

    I understand the fights with your husband, you need some “me time” aswell…….. maybe your husband could support you more by having the children more so you can do something for yourself?

    I believe it goes both ways……. He needs to support you aswell, you also need to get out and about….

    I think that’s a really nice gesture that you want your parents to pick up the girls sometimes…. They would love it and it would help your kids to so they can spend some time with grandparents and it gives you a rest… if your husband is unhappy about it have you asked him his reasons?

    This isn’t your fault I think things at home need to be divided evenly so you can take up some thing? it’s give and take and maybe your husband may need to understand that he needs to cut back on his hobbies so you can do something you enjoy….. he also needs to support you..

    If your daughter enjoys dancing then do dancing your children’s interests are important too.

    Im sorry you suffer with anxiety and depression have you spoken to a health professional about the way you are feeling?

    1 person found this helpful
  6. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to jaz28
    I dont know. Somehow I get myself into these dark holes and I get so angry and cause fights with my husband. I just don't know.
  7. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    6652 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to
    Hi sad and knowone to talk to,

    We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. The community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 if you would like some further support.
    1 person found this helpful
  8. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to Petal22

    I have had depression and anxiety for about 20 years. I was on antidepressants for a long time but went off them when I was pregnant with my 7 year old and had to bo back on them when she was born j was not in a good state. Then went off them again with the 4 year old. I have never really found anyone that I could feel comfortable with to talk to. If I say to him I want to do something he would say of course and wouldn't stop me but there is no time left in the week. by the time I work 3 days a day to catch up on life, swimming, gymnastics and basketball. I hold on to stuff and find it hard to let go. I dont know why I'm so upset about him coaching my son in rep basketball and domestic. I dont know how to tell my husband stuff, it gets so mixed up in my head and never comes out right. And then he has this way of turning it around and putting it back on me. Dont get me wrong he is a good man, never done anything to me. He says I always get my way and I feel like he always gets his way. mine y was a huge issue and pressure for so long and isn't as much of a problem anymore. im working more and a few other things. Most of the time there is no problem, we don't fight that much. I find it so hard expressing my self to him or anyone face to face. I actually am in a reasonably good spot in my life for the first time and I shouldn't do the whole poor me thing and im not trying to do that but when I emotionally fall off my perch it's hard and it sucks. Im a reasonably private person for a lot of reasons. I have lost a lot of friends moving jobs. My sister-in-law's are good but I would never to talk to them about this. My sister and I have a very strained relationship for a lot of reasons also. I feel like I'm the common problem in all this. I try so hard to be a good person, daughter, wife, sister, in-law. But I feel like it always backfires me. But then how much is it just my head messing with me.

  9. Petal22
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    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    I’m sorry that you have had anxiety and depression for almost 20 years, i understand it’s hard to deal with.

    I suffered with severe anxiety OCD but have now recovered from this condition after receiving the professional help I needed.

    Are you still off your antidepressant?

    I understand it’s difficult to try to understand were our emotions are coming from and why we feel the way we do. Instead of talking to your husband about the way you are feeling have you thought about writing him a letter…….?

  10. Haydeneast
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    1 posts
    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to
    Hey I have been there myself I'm available to chat with keep your chin up it will get better
  11. white knight
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    white knight avatar
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    8 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi, sorry for my delay,

    Reading through your responses here I think there is a few issues that I can identify.

    • You seem to lack a passion of your own. Such an interest would divert much of your thoughts.
    • There seems you have difficulty expressing yourself. Petal22 suggestion of writing him a letter has merit. You can tell him directly of your concerns and not get your words mixed up.
    • A marriage guidance counsellor would most definitely help in your situation. Try Relationships Australia
    • If you can't beat them join them!. Go along to his coaching sessions and encourage the kids.

    What do you think?

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  12. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    9 November 2021 in reply to white knight
    Your completely right. abut i have no idea how to go about it. No confidence and it's so overwhelming. I sound like a soon and like im making excuses but it's the truth.
  13. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    9 November 2021 in reply to Haydeneast
    Hi how are you.
  14. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    Sophie_M avatar
    6652 posts
    9 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to
    Hey Sad and knowone to talk to,

    We can hear you’re feeling overwhelmed, and don’t feel you have the energy or confidence to take the steps towards feeling better. We’re so sorry you’re feeling this way, but want you to know that by posting here, and sharing your story with our community, you’ve already taken an enormous step and shown such bravery and strength. No one thinks you're making excuses, we know how hard things can get and we're just happy you could share here. 

    If you did want to reach out to  Relationships Australia, you can call them on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.

    It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here (11am-midnight AEDT). There’s also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.

    Thanks again for sharing here. We hope the words of our lovely community members above brings you some comfort through this difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
  15. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    9 November 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Thank you so much for all your understanding. I think I have just out up and stayed quiet about so much stuff for so long that sometimes it just comes out. I have contacted a gym around the courner for my place so I can do something for myself. I hope I dont chicken out and let my anxiety take over like I do so much. I think I have just ignored so much stuff for so long. I was meant to go to the dentist this morning but I cancelled because I just couldn't go. My parents were go I ng to look after my youngest and then mum was like I haven't seen the kids for a week. And then that maid me feel so bad that I haven't been to their place for a week. I dont tell them much about how I feel. Its to hard. They are old and they mean well but can be quite frustrating. My husband and I do have a pretty good relationship. I think I'm just jealous that I don't get much time to do stuff. But then I dont help myself by doing much or saying or wanting to do stuff. Our communication could be better deffinatly.

  16. Petal22
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    2017 posts
    9 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi knowone to talk to,

    I just wanted to say congratulations you have found some clarity.. well done 👍

    Yes I understand how as Mums we can get jealous it seems are spouses are out doing things and we seem to be stuck at home……. We want to speak up but we find sometimes we can’t……. You WILL find your voice the more you speak up the easier it will become….. the answers we seek are usually within us….

    Is there something you are passionate about? Finding that passion is also an amazing thing to do once you find it and do it life can be very full filling.

    Welldone for joining the gym just tell yourself you can do this and go 😊 it’s nice just being around other people and doing something for ourselves…… the endorphins from exercise are amazing aswell….

    Keep trying to communicate with your husband you will get there….

    Life is a journey and some times that journey takes us to finding our true self. ❤️

    1 person found this helpful
  17. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    10 November 2021 in reply to Petal22
    The anxiety is hight at the moment. my husband and I are very strained at the moment. its all my fault. The normal part of me says it will pass but the insane part of me can't see that. Years ago I would of called in sick to work and just sat on the couch all day. But I can't do that. I have to go to work. Its not very often I feel like this but when I do its hard to get out of it. I not on medication and I dont want to be. I haven't been for a long time.
  18. Petal22
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    2017 posts
    10 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi sad and knowone to talk to,

    Im sorry you are feeling this way.

    I understand anxiety is very difficult to deal with.

    Did you feel better on medication?

    I believe if the medication helps then that’s great…… I’m grateful we have medications to help the people in the old days weren’t so lucky.

    Have you thought about talking to your gp about the way you are feeling?

    1 person found this helpful
  19. jaz28
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    10 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    That is no good. I understand. Have you ever seen a professional for these feelings?

    As many others have suggested, Relationships Australia might be a good point of call as you say you are struggling with marital conflict.

    Please know we are here and understand. Please reply if you want to talk more.

    Jaz.

  20. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    21 November 2021 in reply to jaz28
    So its been a week or 2. Things have been better. But I still feel crap and like im putting on this front. My husband and I are not the intimate. I can't really be bothered. I dont know if im make it up in my head or im growing apart from him. I feel like I cant be bother with him or us anymore.but as I said I cant work out if that's how I actually really feel or not.
  21. Misfunctional
    Misfunctional avatar
    2 posts
    23 November 2021 in reply to sad and knowone to talk to

    Hi there, Sadandknowonetotalkto, I have been in a position almost identical to yours. We are now seperated and working on reconciling but it has been a long hard road and we still have a very long way to go. I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I should have done before we seperated.

    1. I should have seen a counselor more frequently to decide what is holding me back from making myself happy instead of relying on him to make me happy. He had always been my rock, but the rock started wearing out and needed time to do stuff for himself before he crumbled.

    2. I should have asked him if he was ok. Everyone knew I was suffering anxiety and depression but I don't think anyone asked how he was coping. Being the support for a depressed person is hard and would make anyone resent their situation sometimes.

    3. I should have said "I'm not happy with the way things are, I've booked an appointment with a relationship counselor and it would mean alot to me if you came too"

    After we agreed to seperate we did see a counselor together so we could seperate as amicably as possible and I realised how bad things were.

    I have no idea if these things might work for you, but I regret not doing them myself. Seperation is so hard on everyone, even "amicable" seperation.

    I am sending lots of good thoughts your way and really hope you guys can work things out. If you do, it will be hard, but if you love each other it will be worth it. X

  22. sad and knowone to talk to
    sad and knowone to talk to avatar
    11 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Misfunctional
    I do love him still. My head just gets into these black holes and it's hard to clearly think at times. We do love each other still. He knows my head gets into these spots at times. I do need to ask him if he is ok. I know my anxiety can be hard for him at times. But instead of getting grumpy and taking it out on him I need to speak up and tell him. I dont want to leave him.
  23. Mikaela99
    Mikaela99 avatar
    1 posts
    1 December 2021

    Hi everyone, I'm new here...to be honest I'm not really sure what to say but I pretty much just need to talk to people who are going through similar things and understand and make me feel a little less broken than I do lately. I guess I need to vent but it will probably happen in small bursts because I feel so overwhelmed and its too much for me to sort through all of it right now.

    If anyone has any advice on strategies or coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety/depression over family drama then I'd love to hear it...(sorry I know this was super vague)

    thanks for listening x

  24. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    6652 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to Mikaela99
    Hi Mikaela99,

    Thank you for sharing this here. We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Please know that this community is here for you.

    In addition if you ever fell like talking to someone about these thoughts and feelings,  please give the Beyond Blue helpline a ring directly on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  It can be really tough to make the step to make a call but the people who answer the phone are kind and helpful. They speak to people about this everyday and can offer useful advice. You don't have to go through this alone.

    Hopefully we'll hear from the community at some point. In the meantime, we hope you're able to be kind to yourself, and to feel some pride in the bravery it took to post here today. 

    Kind regards,
     
  25. jaz28
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    467 posts
    1 December 2021 in reply to Mikaela99

    Hi Mikaela,

    I am sorry you feel this way, just know all of us here understand and are here to lend a listening ear. You are not alone.

    Family drama is difficult, I find it best to try and remove myself from it if I can (although it is hard) and focus on doing things that make you happy. I find meditation and gratitude helps to ground me.

    Are you able to reason with your family members?

    Jaz.

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