here to the Forum, it has been a shattering
event and I’m sure you are completely at a loss at what to do - I certainly
tell you what’s best in your circumstances, except I’d urge you to do nothing
quickly. There is a great temptation to react, and in your current mental state
you might not make the best long-term decisions.
Also if it was
me I’d not get involved in your wife’s lover’s family, but just concentrate on
your own. There is plenty there to consider.
I’m not going to be judgmental but simply look at facts. For 16 of your 24 years
together things may well have been as you imagined.
For the last
eight although you might have thought everything was the same your wife did
step outside the marriage, and after that long it almost seems like it was a
stable situation, even if you did not know all the facts. Her reasons for doing so at his stage you have not said. Everyone has reasons for their acts
course things have changed, you know, your wife realizes you know, and you
daughter knows. This has to make things different for the future. So a lot of it
boils down to what you want.
neither you nor your wife wish to split up, however have not said how you would
feel if the lover was still on the scene., if she did want the external relationship to continue how
would - and your daughter – feel?
If she undertook to give it up it wold not be an easy path, but perhaps more possible.
splitting up does not end the relationship, apart from all the financial hardship
it can cause and a complete dislocation of life for all the custody of underage children
normally means contact has to be maintained, hopefully with understanding and
reasonable give and take, if only for the children’s sake.
My first suggestion
might be to see if you and you wife can work things out together with the assistance
of a family councilor - how do you feel?