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Forums / Welcome and orientation / OMG where do I start????

Topic: OMG where do I start????

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. manonthemoon
    manonthemoon avatar
    2 posts
    29 October 2020

    How do you put 51 years of confusion in a thread? How about never feel good enough at the things your not good at, the things you are good at you want better. Class clown only lasts so long. The lying only protects you for shorter and shorter periods of time. Untill you are here, looking at a screen hoping that somebody might even give a rats. But really thinking I dont care anyway, cos even if someone did i would probably f it up anyway. 1 marriage, 4 kids (beautiful Kids) Divorce, 1 x 8 year relationship (bust), stuffed up financial future, good at my job but no one will listen. Again now typing on an online forum. where do i go, what to do, who m I??? booked in for a mental health plan 6weeks ago - seeing a psych in 2 more weeks. How can i have soooooooo many different thoughts in one day, I have no-one to pretend to now. (lucky it wasnt a broken leg hey) Sorry for the rant but at least it is out of my head for the moment. Thanks for reading

  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3078 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to manonthemoon

    Hi manonthemoon,

    Welcome welcome. I'm glad that you joined us. No worries about the rant- that's what the forums are for sometimes, and I hope it helped to get it out of your head for a bit.

    While I was reading your post, I kept thinking of a mask-and not the ones that cover our nose and mouth, but the venetian style ones where we can't see your face. Because it sounds like you are wearing one, and have been for a while - the sense of maybe looking like you have things together but having to pretend your way through. Does this make sense or resonate with you?

    I'm glad you decided to see a psychologist and 2 weeks isn't too far now; I'm hoping that you can really find it helpful and also find some support in the forums. For what it's worth, I give a rats and I know others here will too.

    rt

  3. manonthemoon
    manonthemoon avatar
    2 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Thanks romantic_thi3f's, yeah it does resonate the mask. the big problem and or scary thing is i really dont know who is behind it. I guess thats what i have to find out. It has been said to me before that peolple find it hard to really know who I am, being that i never have that strong opinion for fear of judgement or rejection.

    A bad movie actor that is not quite beleivable was a comment from my recent partner. Made scence!

    Today was much happier, but thats because I chose to be, acting again I suppose, Its just easier.

    Thanks for giving a rats,

    The worst part about not argueing or giving your opinion (to be nice ) is you end up hurting people in the long run. Ironic!!

  4. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3078 posts
    2 November 2020 in reply to manonthemoon

    Hi manonthemoon,

    Oh I'm glad - I'm a visual person sometimes so glad I wasn't too confusing! That does sound scary to not know who is behind the mask; do you think that you've got the same one on 24/7, or that you do a switcheroo? Are there any times where you feel like you aren't wearing one? You don't have to answer these of course but maybe something to think about.

    I hope that you can find little glimpses of what it's like under the mask so you can feel okay taking it off sometimes. If you are able to talk to the psychologist about it this will probably be really helpful.

    I'm not entirely sure what you mean by hurting people by not arguing/giving them your opinion?

    Looking forward to hearing back from you

    rt

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