1st post. I'm currently a part-time student studying to be a Beauty Therapist. When I'm not studying, I am working currently at a Salon as part of assigned work experience.
But this is not about my current job. Prior to studying, I had worked for 3 years at a non-profit retail shop. It had been my 1st job (I was 18), and starting as a part-time volunteer, I was soon promoted to Casual. Yes, it was challenging and stressful at times, but I loved working there, especially my co-workers. They had all been supportive and I've made some good friends from there. They've listened and helped me as much as I helped them. We were pretty much family. Sadly, prolonged financial issues had led to the closure of all this charity's retail stores in Australia. Mine closed last month.
I know I'm working now, but I can't help but feel lonely. I'm introverted and been outcasted my whole life, from school, church, even my institution/new work. The people I had worked with had been the closest I had to friends, and being able to work had distracted me from my loneliness and alienation. For once I could finally be myself and share views/issues and have fun being involved in rallies, camps, and adventures.
Now it's mainly about studying and working, which is full-on. I've barely had time to connect with people due to the flexible, unpredictable schedule. This work I'm doing is simply all about sales and making money, and working fast-paced and client-oriented with people who are so different. I've already been struggling with bad reviews. My current boss obviously pressures all of us to 'sell well' and 'keep a good reputation'. It's been only a few weeks, but I just don't feel I fit in and doing Beauty may have been a mistake. But I'm contracted to stay until December, and pulling out would be a huge waste.
I know it sounds childish to complain. I know work isn't meant to be fun. I'm lucky to be doing Beauty, to be working in a 'wellbeing' industry. I'm lucky I'm getting pay, much more than my former job.
Yet I feel empty. I feel lost. I feel lonelier than ever, and I feel stupid during nail work, massaging, waxing whatever. Talking about 'anti-aging benefits' or 'makeup trend' feels more effort compared to political, social issues happening, what I would regularly interact with my former customers and co-workers. Reading the 'bad reviews' and all this are really bogging me down. I just wish life was much kinder and fairer sometimes.