I'll make it a brief as possible as I'm not really one who tends to open up but it's killing me inside
When I was 18 though to 20 I lost my best friend and other friends from suicide or an accident, that messed me up for years now, I felt like I was getting better but I pushed alot of people away because of it, now just recently I spent 7 and a half months bed ridden, unable to look after myself and do anything for myself for the longest time which has made me fall into a deeper hole I thought couldn't get deeper, I was alone and in pain constantly, I pushed my friends and family away cause no one showed they actually cared towards me.
Now that I've had surgery and in the process still recovering my loss of strength. I've come to the point that I don't know why I keep trying to recover, having no friends anyone and no one around really eats at me, but I really am trying my best to make myself better but it's so hard when you always feel lonely.
If there is any advice anyone can offer I'm willing to try, I do wanna improve myself but I just keep feeling worst and worst the more I try it alone