I'm twelve and I feel alone. I have recently noticed that I may have anxiety. This is because I looked at a lot of websites and videos I have all the symptoms of anxiety. I think this started in yr 5 when I started to sit with the "cooler" kids. At first, I thought it was fine, but soon, I got uncomfortable. It's not that don't like them, I like them very much, I just feel like I don't fit right in. I used to have a friend who was my best friend and I felt so comfortable with her, but we got distant and recently, she left to another city. Now I feel like I don't fit in at school anymore. I still hang out with my friends but I don't like the things they like and I think they just put up with me because we used to have fun together. As well as this, I have chest pain, dizziness, trembling, and sudden panic attacks. I want to tell someone but I'm scared to.
My parents don't understand me. I come from a Chinese background, but I was born and raised here in Australia and I have always spoken English and hung out with western girls. So whenever I talk about something that they are not familiar to, they freak out and misunderstand me. We always get into fights and it's really scary. My sister has also never been close to me. I really want to be her friend and play with her like everyone else, but she is so rude to me.
I feel like I don't belong at home or at school and always have to pretend to be okay. As well as this, I have a really tight schedule. I do coaching because my parents want me to go to a good uni. I also want to go too but it's so much work. I do coaching all weekend. Although I think coaching is stressful, I don't think I could not do it because I'm so used to the stress now. Everything I do is competitive. I do competitive swimming and compete in regionals, competitive, AFL, running, fencing, hockey and other things like robotics.
I don't want to let go of these things but I'm really overwhelmed. I feel like I can't concentrate. Now in online school, I can't focus and I always tell lies to avoid uncomfortable situations. I have only told one person about this, she is my friend, and she went through a similar thing last year. No-one else knows and I don't want to tell my parents, I just want some support.
I'm really terrified to be on this website because I'm afraid people will find out who I am or something. I have never done anything like this before. I hope you can help me because I don't know how to help myself.