Hi this is my (21 M) first forum post so idk if I’ve already broken any rules with the spicy title but it true and I’ve got a list now so I’ll take it one by one
bi- tbh I don’t even know what I am (definitely lean closer to gay) and I’ve been told that’s okay but like it’s still annoying not being straight because everything would be so much easier but hey that’s life and I’ve kinda learnt to deal with this thing and just decided that if I can’t find a girl who I can love for real for real I’ll just stay single out of family/community requirements and that’s okay for now
Muslim - I’ll start by saying I’m not a great Muslim i don’t pray I drink I smoke I lie and I have gay hookups BUT I love my religion so much the love compassion and power built into it combined with the knowledge and energy I receive from it from it is unparalleled religion has always been a path back to stasis for whenever I feel overwhelmed however it is hard being gay and Muslim as those paths have zero space for overlap
drug habit- I smoke weed socially on a daily basis and have done for the past 2 years It started after I received a undeserved fail on a uni subject and developed into an escape from reality. I have subsequently failed my last 3 semesters as I spend most of my spare time smoking with my friends. I see weed as a double edged sword on one hand it helps me escape a lot of the anxiety of my sexuality which is so very nice however this escape becomes too comfortable and it takes away from my productivity and self improvement
toxicish friends- while I consider myself an introvert I have been told the opposite by enough people to know better. I have a decent amount of friends from all walks of life however they’re not all as accessible or entertaining as my oldest friends from my private Muslim high school who I see and smoke with on a daily basis and while I genuinely love and care for these boys as my own brothers I know that they’re not great for my mental health as I’m being called gay slurs “as banter” however I know these boys care about me as long as they think I’m straight. And when we’re all chill and happy together I feel at home with them. However there was an incident where I was recently accidentally outed to one of the boys by a mutual friend who I’ve come out too this spread the news to the whole group and caused strife however I was ‘tested’ and reconvinced them of my ‘straightness’ after a ‘spontaneous’ brothel trip, this is where I lost my virginity...