hello,

i am 13 years old and i am struggling. my mind is very messy right now but i will try to explain what i am feeling

i have this fear inside of me and i don't know where it comes from. it stops me from doing so many things. i know i can do a lot of things but something inside just stops me. sometimes i wake up and it feels like a pit in my stomach and everything is in slow motion and people's voices sound so distant. i wake up and know it is going to be a bad day.

i am a very sensitive person and an easy crier. it frustrates me so much and often the people around me too, but i can't blame them. it's the little things that build up to the point where i can't keep it in. when i cry, i can't stop and the smallest things can trigger me. i get so mad at myself when this happens because i feel so weak and hopeless and sometimes my family will laugh or tease me when i do because to them it seems silly. i am so scared to cry. my face always goes red and i get so annoyed about it and it never stops. i feel like i cant breathe properly.

my parents argue a lot and they always involve me in it. they will always ask me for my opinion or for who's right or to tell the other person that they're wrong. it hurts me so much because they treat me like an adult, i am so stuck in the middle because i love both of them and i feel like i have to carry the weight of two people on me because i have no one to turn to when i feel lost. when i tell them to stop involving me my feelings don't get heard and it end up with them being mad at me. my parents will always vent to me about each other. i don't know who to talk to because i feel so guilty i just have to smile and wipe my tears and pretend like everything is okay

i get so upset when i think about eating. ever since i was little, weight was a big thing because it is in my genetics to put on weight easily, my parents always restricted me and i get they want to protect me but it has put my mind into a bad place. when my friends talk about what food they eat it makes me so sad because i wonder why they are allowed to and i am not. they feel bad that i don't eat a lot at school but i can't eat a lot without feeling so guilty. i feel better about myself when my stomach is empty but i know i can't let it go too far or i will feel dizzy and faint

i don't know who to talk to school counselling isn't an option because everyone will know and they ring my parents. i am so lost i dont know what to do anymore

thank you in advance

A warm welcome to the forum bbellee!

It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you and my heart truly goes out to you.

I believe most of us need support and guidance at certain stages of our life. With me having spent time in depression some years ago, I've always encouraged my kids to seek help if they need it. I've taught them 'Mental, physical and even spiritual health are things to be carefully managed'. I actually got a bit of help myself not too long ago, which made a huge difference to me. By the way, if I got a call from the school counselor, I would see this as a wake up call to help manage what my son or daughter was struggling with.

It's important to speak with someone who understands the complex nature of mental health. Mental well-being doesn't just involve our thoughts and emotions, it also involves certain systems in our body as well as chemistry. There are different strategies which can help with the mental and biological aspects of anxiety. For example, learning the skills involved in 'Emotional Intelligence' can be life changing for some. The idea that a particular emotion becomes our cue to begin thinking, means we are not left feeling victimised by our emotions and the chemistry which fuels them.

Another aspect of our chemistry relates to food. Weird when you think about it but basically everything we put into our body produces a chemical reaction. If your food is being restricted, I'm hoping this is under the advisement of a dietician. My 13yo son and I went vegetarian last November and before we took the plunge I did a lot of research as well as consulting a great dietician who taught me much in the way of food and function. Poor diet/gut health can definitely impact mental health. Serotonin (the 'happiness hormone') can be greatly impacted by diet.

bbellee, sensitivity is a strength not a weakness. Can you imagine a world where everyone was a little more sensitive. We need people like you in the world. Harnessing sensitivity and being able to use it to our advantage requires some skill, which you can learn.

Give thought to speaking with the school counselor, even if to say 'I don't want you to talk to my parents, I just need you to advise me on speaking to them regarding my mental health and further counseling'.

Next time your parents involve you in their arguments, try walking away. Doing this involves a level of maturity you should feel proud of, given the circumstances. You are their gift (their child), not their mediator.

:)