Hi, I’ve never really done this but it’s currently nearly 1:30am and I can’t sleep. I’ve had trouble sleeping quiet a lot recently.
I’m done. Today was so hard I haven’t been the same since some things that happened in school and that was nearly 2 years ago. I never got closure on anything that happened and to be completely honest I never really recovered.
Everyday it just gets harder. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ve done wrong in my life. I hate work, my boss just finds every reason to bring my day down and honestly wish I could quit but I can’t due to uni and other expenses. Everyone is so happy these days all my friends are getting into relationships while I’m sitting here wondering what the heck is wrong with me. They all can’t hang out a lot anymore due to there relationships and are constantly cancelling plans last minute.
I don’t know what to do.
I never really got over the thing in high school because In a way every where I turn someone that was involved is there or something else to remind me. Honestly I know it probably sounds pathetic but if I’m being completely honest what happened sent me to the darkest places I had never been before.
I lost a lot of things because of what happened I lost friends, I lost myself and I lost control. I was a student who didn’t mind going to school but in the end I hated going to school and was too scared to even look at the people that where involved.
What happened followed me from high school to graduation to work and even university.
I’m currently 18 and really probably shouldn’t be feeling so down. I don’t find anything enjoyable any more, I’m to scared to talk to friends in case they judge and last time I spoke to family about it my dad lost it.
My family really hasn’t been the same since my nan died in 2017. We where all really close with her and although we where expecting it, it is still hard to deal with.
How and when will things get better because it never really changes. I’m done living like this.