Hey everyone,
I'm just gonna get introductions out of the way.
My name is Brandon and I'm currently 18 years old. Right now I'm unemployed and in the middle of moving into a new place and becoming fully independent.
So this is my story I guess.

Okay so, I don't really know where to start so I'll just say that I think I have depression. To be honest I think I've been experiencing some sort of mental illness for a long time, 6 or 7 years I'd say but i didn't really notice until about 3-4 months ago.
Around the time I started to notice, I started to do research and look up the symptoms and whatnot and to my surprise, I saw that I was affected by those same symptoms. Now I definitely know I do.
I have no energy, no motivation, I don't enjoy the things I used to, I went from 3 meals a day to barely 1, I don't leave my house for weeks at a time, I feel more lonely than ever and to top all of that off; I blame myself for it.
It was only til recently that I started getting dark thoughts and here's the kicker: I've even thought of giving up which sounds absolutely crazy, I mean I have a loving family and a supportive group of friends but sometimes I just feel so hopeless.
Of course I know how bad it is but I still haven't really told anyone because I don't really know how; not because it's hard talking to them but because of something in my self. I don't know maybe once in my life I got told to stop talking or keep quiet and it must of got to me.

Anyway to anyone who finds this, thank you. It's been hard but you've done an amazing job and although I know nothing about you, I'm proud of you.
To all the other people struggling right now, I know you can do this just like I can.
Before I go I would just like to share a quote that I really resonated with for some reason.
"You know what the best thing about hitting rock bottom is? There's only one way to go and that's up."
Hope/Glad you're okay.

-Brandon

Hey Brandon,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post.

I gotta say, I felt a bit of mixed emotions reading it. On one hand, I felt a bit sad reading what you've gone through and how long you've really suffered without getting any help, and then on the other hand the end of it got really uplifting and inspiring.

What do you think brought you here to the forums for the first time? It sounds like you've been dealing with this for years, and then not really that long ago started to notice it. So what changed to make you post?

I do think it's important to be able to talk about this with someone, even if there's a part of you that feels like you shouldn't. I've got the tendency to swish my feelings in a box because that's what I was taught, but with the right person - it's okay to open that box :) Have you ever thought about talking to someone that's not your family and friends?

Oh and finally, I don't know why but your quote reminded me of this one from Winston Churchill: "if you're going through hell, keep going".

Thank you for the reply!
I wasn't really sure if anyone was going to find this so fast with the thousands of other threads on here.

I believe the reason why I chose not to pursue any help was because I didn't think I needed it. As I was going through it all I suppose I just kept convincing myself that I was "just sad" and that "it'll go away". I think also as a male that I'm not really that emotionally articulate and so sometimes I don't really know what I'm feeling or how to describe it.

Anyway I guess I just kind of had enough of trying to keep it in and try to resolve everything on my own that when the big new stresses of 2019 kicked in, I saw myself in the darkness, if you will.

another good quote indeed.

Hi Happiness attack,

You're so welcome!

That makes sense. I can see that too, and I think probably a lot of people can relate with what you're saying. I'm not male but I also see that there's a lot of stigma around men getting help and talking about their feelings too. Especially if they're not used to it.

I think there's a sense of courage around going to therapy though. In admitting that hey, you're only human and you're struggling with human things. If we're struggling with pain in our leg we say yes to seeing a doctor - because we can only toughen up so much before we need extra help. I think it's the same with our brains too.