Everything is so hard. Waking up is hard. Getting dressed is hard. Having a shower is hard. Eating is hard. Drinking is hard. Going to school is hard. Getting to class is hard. Living is hard.

I'm really behind in my schoolwork. I've been skipping classes for months and not doing assignments. I could actually get kicked out of school for not meeting their expectations. But I don't even care? Like, I know I'm supposed to care about school, but I don't. I can't find a reason to any of it. And even if I did, sitting down and starting is the hardest thing in the world. It feels like there is a barrier between me and doing stuff. The only thing I can do consistently is sit in a dark room and play video games.

I can't picture myself graduating or getting a job because I don't think I'll make it that far.

But I don't WANT to die. I just don't want to live. I never asked for this life and these responsibilities. The other night I stared at my arms, closed my eyes, and opened them hoping my limbs would disappear. They didn't, obviously.

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why does nobody understand? I'm like five seconds away from giving up entirely.

Hi Pale,

welcome to beyond blue.

It is sad to hear that everything is a struggle for you at the moment.

Can I ask when there was a time when you felt good about things? A kid in my family had been feeling down and went to the GP with his mum and they spoke about how he was feeling. His symptoms were like that of depression and anxiety. It turns out his iron level are very low. But he will still getting professional help as well.

Just a couple of suggestions you might like to try... One is smiling mind, which is an app you can install onto your phone. Another would be ,,,

Headspace, ages 12-25, also have a free online 1:1 chat here
headspace.org.au/eheadspace/

Kids Helpline, anyone under the age of 25, have a free 1:1 chat here
kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling and a 24/7 number 1800 55 1800

Have you been able to speak with anyone about how you are feeling? If not, you could always try the sites I mentioned above. You might also be able to speak with the school counsellor about your situation? I see a psychologist and while wait there I also see kids come and go. There is no shame or embarrassment in asking for help, and you are not alone. It is hard trying to feel good, but there is hope.

Tim