I woke up this morning feeling worse than normal about myself mentally and ended up taking the day of work which definitely sounds really sooky so maybe I should have just gone, IDK. I just feel like the absolute worst human and have for a while so I wanted some advice please.

I'm 21 and working a full time trainee ship at the moment and I just feel completely useless and like there's nothing i'm good at. Its like no matter how hard i'm trying, i'm always mediocre at best and always complete unforgettable as a person and it feels like it has always been that way. It kind of just feels like i'm an invisible person if that makes sense, i'm just a really boring person to the point that my best friend in high school told me she didn't like or enjoy hanging out with me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be less useless and annoying all the time. Its like i can't hold a conversation with people and I feel like even though i'm trying hard to have a proper conversation some times I come off as rude like i'm trying to cut it short. When i'm in a conversation with more than 1 other person I can barely every get a word in and it's frustrating. In work meetings if I get asked a question my mind completely goes blank, my face goes bright red and I physically can't get any words to come out of my mouth.

I've really hated myself since i was 14, I talked to my friends about it for a bit but they said they were going to tell my parents about it so I told them I was feeling better and haven't talked to anyone about it since then.

I don't what to talk to my family about it and I lost contact with my friends. After I graduated high school my family moved 3 hours away, we've been here since 2017 and I haven't made any friends yet. I do think i'd like to make some friends here but I get so anxious and scared about talking to people and I can't help but overthink everything, it's all so exhausting I really wish I could sleep forever. I don't know what to do, I feel overwhelmed by everything and like I never make the right decisions.

I'm sorry if that was to many questions in one post, if anyone is able to decipher any of what I've written I would really love to receive some advice.

Thank you.

Grace,

welcome to the forum.

I am sorry you feel this way.

Many people reading this post can relate to you as many have felt this way at some time.

I find words like completely useless not helpful as you have written your first post and written it clearly and related to others reading it.

You have a traineeship so that was a good decision and you are working.

When we feel down we often generalise about everything and only see the negative side.

I can see you are clever and are caring and can express yourself well.

Have you ever spoken to your doctor about how you feel.

Feel free to keep posting here

Quirky