Idk how to start this but I am an 18 year old with autism and adhd along with depression, learning disablities and anxiety.

These abnormalities are ruining my satisfaction with life and I'm always depressed. I find it hard to understand other people and their emotions and I usually avoid socializing with others because of this. My facebook recently got terminated which made me go into a manic state because that's one of the only places I feel accepted, I'm part of a weird side of facebook where nobody knows each other irl and we all share "edgy" and esoteric memes and most of are mentally ill, kinda like the dark web of fb. I enjoy being a part of this tight knit community since I feel they understand me better than normal people do. I've had accounts deleted before and sometimes it's been months after I made an account and it's usually entirely random.

I also struggle with the effects of my ADHD and I'll usually walk for hours on end or pace around my unit, I find it hard to concentrate on anything and I struggled at school because of this, to the point I ended up dropping out. My medications don't seem to help much and I'm too scared to tell my psychiatrist to change them and every visit I just end up listening to his recommendations without any input of my own

I feel so disconected from everyone due to my autism but also my esoteric and bizarre taste in online humor that most people who aren't a part of the side of the internet I usually dwell wouldn't quite get. This sounds silly but the internet is a very large part of my self identity and I wouldn't be the same person without

I'm also a very self conscious and insecure person about every aspect of myself an I hate being criticised for my actions and the insecurities are so severe to the point where I avoid leaving the house during the day and end up staying home and sleeping

What I'm basically asking for is some advice on how to cope with having disorders that make me very different from other people and live my life the best way possible

Hello Dead.but.Dreaming

It is so great that you have found yourself here to reach out for some support and some comfort at this time when I can hear how frustrated and how disappointed you are feeling. I have no idea what it is like to live with Autism and ADHD and to manage this daily to have a happy and satisfied life. What you also can find comfort in is that here I am sure you have read so many other people's posts and you will see that you are not alone. There are others that are feeling just like you and reach out here for support.

That is really hard to accept when the one platform you find a connection with has been taken away from you, that you do feel disconnected from so many and I hear what you are saying in that places like the internet provide you with a place to be you. Where you are not judged and you can find things that interest you, even if they are bizarre and somewhat dark. We are all different in life and this is what makes us who we are.

I just wanted to talk about what you said about your medication and perhaps they are no longer working like they once did, and that you are scared to tell your doctor. Can I suggest that if can mention to him/her exactly what you have said here, that you do feel like you are just listening and taking his/her advice and perhaps if you do try to open up and share some more things, they infact have a better platform and more information about you and can actually give you some things to try. They are probably feeling like they are doing the best with what limited information you are sharing and by opening up it actually helps them to be able to help you.

I am so sorry you are feeling depressed and feeling like your only source of connection has been taken away from you.

I hope to chat to you some more and would like to know what you think of my suggestion.

Huge hugs

AS

ay. same neurodivergence.

i feel like losing the ties to a community that had impacts on you even if its as “inconsequential” as like, memeing about dogs or a discord server where you talk about a video game would hurt badly. any place where you’ve felt at home or like you drop the act will have that effect on you even if it was your mentally ill memes facebook group.

(social media does that a Lot where they ban accounts for any nebulous violation - i thought fb was lax as hell on removing people and content but ive used it like nine times so i may be wrong. anyway i miss the days where a vindictive moderator would write a whole manifesto and a half on why you were hammered, dont talk to me or my son ever again, rather than twitter terminating accounts for saying kill with a vague “uwu u viowated owr tewms of sewvice uwu”)

im struggling to talk to nt people outside of my weird speech style too. i’ve gotten into trouble or just weird looks from my ambling voice or bringing up oddball topics. its the way i find most comfortable talking and changing it hurts

im combined type n also unmedicated as anything so working off all my energy so i can like, sleep, focus, make good decisions (99% of my bad choices come from being too uncontrollably hyperactive i swear) is p serious for me. i can like, get it off from exercising but this is more from the pov of i don't enjoy exercising too much but being physical means i can’t easily get all excited to do laps around my hallway again. cleaning helps me too but i overexert myself a lot so

you talk about being too scared to tell your psych your meds dont work - like if you’re scared youll hurt his feelings or something? your psych is a person youre paying to look after you and make sure you function well, if he’s not doing it well you are allowed to point it out to him or raise objections.

also re: your self conscience and fear of criticism? reminds me of something commonly experienced by adhders called rejection sensitive dysphoria; https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/ it's a pervasive thing so its hard to talk about how to get over a fear of rejection and honestly trying to push through that myself i still havent found an answer. sleeping a lot is a mood whenever i hit episodes it can be 7pm and i’ll feel like i need to sleep for a week to feel right again.

sounds shallow but i hope you’re doing well dead but dreaming. we’re all autistic adhds trying to figure out the world together yknow