I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, a quiet place filled with peple that have had troubles large and small. Having troubles tends to make you listen harder to others, relate if have had the same experiences and think of others and how they managed if you have not been there yourself.
When you set out above all that has happened to you in your 15 years I can understand why you wonder what a s**t hand life has dealt you. It is a wonder even one tear came to your eye, whatever you feel inside you have not given up.
I guess I'd like to suggest two things to you. The first is nobody can live though that and makes themselves improve and get happier by themselves. The load is simply to great for one, 15 or 50.. You have been greatly injured, on the inside.On the outside you's probably have no hesitation in seeing a doctor.
So you can see where I'm going , you need the proper medical help -plus decent people around you in your life - in order to reach the stage where you really don't want life to end or change, it is so much better.
Could you tell me what scares you a bout it? I held off in part as I thought I might be put on a ward (did not happen until later when I agreed). cold it be waht others might think?
Your child youth group worker might be a starting point. Is that person someone you like and has never let you down?
You can see a GP in a long consultation, or anyone at school you think will take it seriously.
Plus of course the Kids Help Line as Sophie suggests, voice or chat
Just a couple of avenues -what do you think might be best?
I do have one hint from my own experience. My problems had gone on for a very long time, were a mix of people and complicated. I realy did not think I'd be able to get it out without mucking it up so I took a week, wrote everything down (in dot-point form, not essays) and handed a copy to the psych I was seeing for the first time, it worked great.
I had enough time to remember it all, and put it in an orderly manner, plus of course I could use the copy again if I had to see someone else.
Learning to cope is hard at times, but you can get there. It is important you 'click' with your medical person, and end up having faith in then and knowing they understand the problems.
Do you have anyone at all, maybe a friend, or some family somewhere you have faith in who would just listen and care?
You said you listened to music, can I ask what you particularly like? I'm listening to Tom Waits .