Hey! Reading this I can really relate strongly, in my younger high school years I was overly confident and obnoxious in a way (funny though), and later on I slowly turned into a hermit just fully encapsulated in my own shell of fears, self doubt, insecurity. Both of these people weren't me, it was how I was dealing with and masking my deeper issues especially ones of rejection in intimate relationships and friendships falling apart by not feeling loved. It can be so tiring when you feel like your shackled to your past and mistakes and people you bump into or phrases that trigger you, I used to be soooo bad. But trust me, you are worth so much more than external events or people around you that have hurt you, made you feel embarrassed or not good enough. This is not who you are, and it really sucks when your mentally consumed and lost in it all trying to find yourself and grow, but you will. We're all gonna make mistakes, I've made really bad ones in my close relationships and I used to obsess over it to the point I turned to really self-damaging habits, low self-esteem and I didn't know how to interact with others for a while.Your going to heal, your going to be filled with so much love, and all of this triggering is assisting you in letting it all go and stay in the past where it belongs, You are a living, breathing amazing human who is sooo much more powerful than a thought or a deed of the past- this isn't you. You are your potential, what you love, your dreams, your truest love. Embrace yourself this love, your passions - triggers will always be there and sometimes even when you think you've healed years later it can get you again but let me assure you this is totally normal. Your a strong person and your gonna get through this hard time, theres a big bright light at the end of the tunnel for you my friend.