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Forums / Young people / NEW TO THIS - I think I'm slipping back into depression?

Topic: NEW TO THIS - I think I'm slipping back into depression?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. ch4rli3
    ch4rli3 avatar
    1 posts
    8 May 2020

    Hi, I'm new to this forum. I'm 22 years old, so a bit on the older side..

    A bit of backstory as to why I'm here; I am a lesbian, I grew up catholic & even though I was never really made to be ashamed of myself, I always felt it. Last year I was in a bad breakup with my first partner ever, a female. It was her first time with a female, but not first relationship. Long story short, after 9 months, she said she never pictured her future with a female & left, so of course, my heart was broken for the first time.

    I slipped into a deep state of depression. The breakup, combined with my lack of confidence in my family being ok with my sexuality, & a traumatic injury during football (which happened conveniently at the same time) caused me serious hopelessness & doubt about life & living.

    I was grateful to have the support from my best friend who encouraged me to seek help with the Uni Counsellor, to which he was pivotal in my recovery. After 4 months, I felt reborn, I was finally doing things for myself, by myself, I got an internship related to my study & I was playing football again. I also have met another wonderful girl who is gorgeous & authentic in every way possible, & she shares some interests that I do. We have been dating for 7 months.

    Here is where it feels pear shaped - I was working full time internship over summer & found that my job isn't nearly as exciting as it originally was (esp not 3 hrs transit everyday). I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, not knowing what I will do as what I thought I would like, I didn't. I was actually relieved when covid resulted in me temporarily not working, so I didn't have to go to work. Since isolation, however, I've noticed I've become more irritable, with my family and esp my partner. I feel like I have become a bit of an a**hole. I've felt dread when thinking about what I will do after I graduate. I haven't been sleeping well at all, I feel tired all the time, I feel extreme guilt about the uni work I have to do but have no motivation nor the energy to do it, and it's always on my mind. Other times I feel extremely restless & hopeless b/c I can no longer be bothered to do the fun things I used to do. My distant friend, unexpectedly committed suicide back in October & as a result, sometimes I feel a bit of guilt that he's not here, yet I am.

    Uni is over an hour away, I don't have the money for a psych, & I don't really want to tell anyone else about it bc I don't want to worry where can I go from here?

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9398 posts
    8 May 2020 in reply to ch4rli3

    Hi, welcome

    WELL I’m glad you met another love!

    A few things stick out to me I’d like to discuss

    I used to commute 90 minutes one way to work. It was country driving but it wore me down along with the car wearing out. That added to my irritability. Lack of sleep is well known as a trigger for those with mental illness in terms of mood swings.

    There could well be justification for a GP visit so you can get a referral to 10 free psychiatrist visits and hopefully seek a diagnosis. You might simply be burnt out from trauma or family dissatisfaction etc.

    please google the following and read the first post of each

    beyondnlue topic worry worry worry

    beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

    beyondblue topic a good nights deep sleep

    reply anytime


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