Hi PA2074
My heart goes out to you as you struggle with such a mind altering life changing decision. Having only 2 kids (19yo girl and 16yo boy), I recall the battle between 2 minds when it came to having a third child. It really is what I'd call a heartfelt and mentally disturbing decision. Disturbs your everyday focus, disturbs your sleep, disturbs your nervous system and kind of just invades your existence. Almost becomes obsessive and definitely can become stressful in certain ways.
For me, the biggest factor was financial. With my husband and I more than happy to go the traditional route of me staying home for a number of years raising the kids while he raised the money every week (to be able to support this lifestyle choice), it kind of became a matter of 'How much financial challenge are we willing to face under the circumstances?'. I should add, if I had ended up having a non planned pregnancy resulting in a third child, we would have coped. Amazing how we're pushed to cope when the choice is not there. It's often through having no choice that you find the absolute best in yourself - the outside the square thinker in you, the sage in you, the strategist in you, your resilient sense of self and so on. We're developed through the process of challenge. In the case of an added expense, 'the financial planner' in us can also very well exercised, the creator of financial spreadsheets and juggler of resources :)
As a mum and as a person in general, I can honestly say my kids have raised me beautifully so far. They're absolute legends. They've raised me to be a more patient person, a more resilient person, more evolved, more open minded, more loving, more analytical, more sensitive and so on. Kids raise us in incredible ways. I suppose you could ask the question, when it comes to a 3rd round of motherhood, 'How would a 3rd child raise me and how do I wish to raise them in return?'. If you imagine so many joyful loving ways (amongst the challenges), perhaps you have your answer.
I hope you reach a conclusion that serves your heart and mind, so that both are satisfied :)