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Forums / Anxiety / Lonely

Topic: Lonely

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Von is lost
    Von is lost avatar
    24 posts
    27 September 2020

    Recently I’ve been feeling really sad and lonely when I’m alone. I feel sad about how few friends I have, how that there must be something wrong with me because I can’t make more friends and can’t find a healthy, reciprocal relationship/boyfriend. I compare myself to every other girl seeing them as really fun to be around and interesting, and that I have no personality and no fun traits.

    I can’t seem to stop anxious thoughts about the future that I’ll never find anyone and continue to be lonely for a long long time. Even when my housemates are out and I’m at home alone, I always find myself crying and feeling so lonely that I don’t have friends/boyfriend to see like they have.

    5 people found this helpful
  2. Rosalba
    Rosalba avatar
    1 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to Von is lost
    I feel much the same as Von.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    tranzcrybe avatar
    617 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    Hi Von is lost,

    Could you imagine a world where every girl was bubbly and fun all the time, or where every guy was some knight in shining armour with chiselled facial features? One word - ick!

    Just as there are as many colours in the rainbow, we all have our unique qualities and attributes that are equally attractive to others for the same reason. Advertising singles out one quality which corrupts the senses into believing this is what we all must pursue - and there is advertising everywhere we turn.

    Sadly, it's those negative thoughts we have by comparing ourselves to others that may be keeping us from actually realising and releasing our inner beauty for all the world to see. These inner qualities are the key, not the veneer.

    Be yourself and love who you are - doors will open...

    Regards,

    t.

    5 people found this helpful
  4. Suzie29
    Suzie29 avatar
    5 posts
    28 September 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    Hi Von is lost,

    Sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. When I'm feeling lonely I find it helpful to talk to someone. From experience I highly recommend https://efriend.org.au/ and https://beingsupported.org.au/ the staff are kind and listen without judging. They are peer support workers so they understand what you are going through.

    3 people found this helpful
  5. posvibe
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    posvibe avatar
    7 posts
    1 October 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    Hi Von is lost,

    I totally agree with tranzcrybe!

    I would also just add that when I feel anxious about the future I remind myself that I simply cannot predict what is going to happen and therefore just to then take it day by day. If you stress out about whats going to happen in a year from now, then your day today is going to be full of unwanted feelings.

    I would also urge you to trust in the nature of time and that a lot can happen in such a short amount of it- I am sure you will find what you desire in the very near future.

    Good luck with everything, be excited about future- everything will work out.

    5 people found this helpful
  6. Gabriellek
    Gabriellek avatar
    2 posts
    2 October 2020 in reply to Von is lost
    I feel so much the same. I’ve given up on friends and relationships because they always go wrong. I have a disabled son and always fee like I’m doing the wrong thing or not doing enough. I’m in the middle of a divorce and sending my ex to jail. No one ever said life was easy but it would sure help if it was easier and if people were kinder and more loving and honest.
    2 people found this helpful
  7. Yoges
    Yoges avatar
    1 posts
    25 October 2020 in reply to posvibe
    I could really feel the words and gave me great comfort and feelings of hope and it’s wonderful to identify. Reaching out and feeling worthy makes me feel I’m not so alone
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Guest_0753
    Guest_0753 avatar
    24 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    Hello Von is lost,

    Oh wow, this is exactly how I have been feeling lately :) Since I have been struggling with socialising, opening up, taking initiative with people for quite a long time, it does make me feel lonely and unconfident at the end of the day, bursting into tears at times, thinking that I have no friends to turn too, no one is interested, no boyfriend which gets me down the most and then I get that negative thought of there is something wrong with me or I am too shy, not attractive enough that the guy never asks. I am also someone that when something bothers me, I can't tell anyone, so they simply don't know. Even I feel like I can become anxious about what the future holds before it has even happened.

    I would love to hear how other people try to combat this feeling too because as a young person I would like to start opening up and meeting new people.

    I will be honest I don't care so much on what other girls look like, there physical characteristics do not bother me. I try to understand myself more and the fact I have insecurities and there will be people out there that will be interested in me/you and my/your unique personality and if not, don't worry about those people like they have not bothered about you. This is something, I'll admit I am learning. To not give those people the time of day that aren't interested. I find journaling is a very therapeutic way to get out my thoughts when I get like this. I enjoy writing. You could try it while you eat a yummy snack to cheer yourself up :)

    Good luck :)

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Bananie1234
    Bananie1234 avatar
    67 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    Hi von is lost,

    Coming across your thread. you’ve literally described my life for the past few years.

    everybody seems to have more friends, busier and have better relationships than me. i used to feel so lonely when everybody is out and I’m alone at home. I can feel myself finding it harder and harder to take the initiative because I just feel everybody is unavailable and i feel rejected when they say no.

    I’ve struggled with relationships a lot in the past as well and I’m finally in a relationship that I’m happy with, but because of covid border closures, we haven’t seen each other for 7 months as he’s an expat working overseas. I’m full of resentment when i see everyone else with their partners (and they never struggled like i did in the past)

    how I’ve coped with this feeling was to see this as a challenge. That if i get through this, ill be stronger and more independent than everyone else.

    I can’t rely on others on my happiness. I think the best way to start is to learn to appreciate alone time. Find something that you’d enjoy doing alone. Eg go for a walk/hike, read a book or watch netflix (whether at home or at a cafe- it really helps) or even join some club. Ive find that joining some club , eg art, hikes, any sort of club really helped my anxiety and loneliness.

    i also think some self exploring would help. I think we’re like this because we are not backing ourselves up which is why we are so negative. we tend to believe that there’s something in us that makes us less interesting + comparing ourselves to others. For me, i find listening to self help podcasts or read self help books, really helped a lot. It really helps you understand yourself as well.

    i still struggle with it, especially right now due to covid restrictions. But im definitely coping with it much better than i thought i would.

    i hope this helps in some way. x

    1 person found this helpful
  10. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Guest_0753

    Hi wonderful peeps

    I felt very much like this earlier this year.. for many reasons I had shut myself down more and more.

    I took leave from work and saw a psych. I kept my usual Counsellor going and still do.

    I have a few of my own tips... but there are so many great Thread Topics here in the Wellbeing section, please visit these and get into them!

    My own tips that worked:
    - contacting old friends - one per week for 8 weeks. All but one felt very lonely and sad too! The other one was extremely stressed. We've reconnected and have occasional calls and texts with most of them now.

    - watching "The Call to Courage" by Brene Brown on Netflix pretty much changed my world.
    I have 2 of her books now and highly recommend all things by her. She has free online clips if you don't have Netflix.

    - Clips by Kristen Neff (thankyou Sleepy21!)... just gorgeous. I have her workbook too now.

    - Journaling - my own introspection this year into who I really am, what I really love doing and what's important to me has been invaluable.

    IME if we truly KNOW what we love doing and find groups / ppl who love doing same then connections are based on a shared interest and that's an awesome thing to have in friendships.

    This can bring so much JOY.

    SO find out what you LOVE then throw yourself into those.

    You may be gobsmacked at how many people are just BURSTING to meet YOU!

    Please don't hide your wonderful selves from the world, watch Brene and work out who to trust lol then have fun with your life.

    I'm hearing you Gabriellek - more power to you through this. And more power to you all.

    Love EM

    3 people found this helpful
  11. ana1991
    ana1991 avatar
    2 posts
    28 October 2020

    Heeey:)
    My first post- and sorry for my English mistakes and grammar, English is my second language:)
    I feel extremely lovely, I have good friends but they all are in different cities and countries, I love my colleagues and feel happy at work BUT when I am alone I feel lonely and anxious about being lonely whole my life...I feel like I won't find a relationship and it will be like this all my life. I am also afraid of the relationship...I am afraid to be hurt and stay heartbroken.
    I look extremely happy from the outside, always trying to look after myself but this feeling of loneliness is always raising the question in my head WHY? AND WHEN? will I be in a committed relationship, find the one... it's like my mind is playing with me and I can't think about anything else. It sounds crazy, but I feel like I am obsessed with these thoughts. I just moved to Perth and have no one to go out with, I have no friends or family here and I think it makes my fears worse.
    I recently found a second job so i will make my life as busy as I can and will have no time to think about it, but I might pass out one day from overworking hahaha

  12. FelicityJ
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    FelicityJ avatar
    1 posts
    7 November 2020 in reply to Von is lost

    hey, sorry to hear you've been feeling this way. i 100% get that feeling of loneliness, particularly when it comes to meeting new people or trying to date. i keep wondering what is so wrong with me that no one ever seems to like me, especially when friends and family reassure me that i'm a catch. obviously not, because everyone's throwing me back.

    it's hard to be our best selves when we don't feel loved, and it's hard to see all the good qualities we have. i compare myself a lot to others too; i always feel different to other people which i hate because i just want to be like everyone else. but being different doesn't make you any less valuable or lovable; even if you're not as "fun" or outgoing as other girls, there's still things about you that are wonderful and other people want in their lives. i've (kind of) accepted that i'm not an adventurous extrovert, which in my mind is what everyone wants in a friend and partner. but i'm still kind and loyal, and i'm doing my best, so isn't that all we can be?

    i hope you get a break from your sadness <3

    1 person found this helpful
  13. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    tranzcrybe avatar
    617 posts
    7 November 2020 in reply to FelicityJ

    Hi Felicity,

    Welcome and thanks for joining the forums by offering your support.

    One thing I have noticed in today's tech age is how hard it is to be noticed - I see people all around who have eyes fixed to their screens (ironically on dating sites perhaps?), not looking up to see the next potential love of their life just pass on by, not engaging in those quirky happenstance events that bring people together, and losing that physical interaction which leads to us feeling comfortable with each other and ourselves.

    Analysts will look back on our folly in decades to come and just shake their heads in disbelief...

    Regards,

    t.

  14. AliasKind
    AliasKind avatar
    48 posts
    9 November 2020

    Hi Everyone,

    Thank you for starting and contributing to this post. This is at the heart of my depression and has been for many years; as the years passed, I got older and it became painful to be around my friends whose lives had progressed in ways that I have always wanted (house, marriage, children etc.). The pain from the long periods alone ended up being less than the pain of socialising and being around people for short periods (for a meal, event etc.) which drove me farther into isolating myself and being alone, such a viscous negative cycle.

    I now have very few friends, I don't have friends to interact with on a regular or semi-consistent basis. So I cannot give or receive genuine friendship. I'm aching to give to someone special and be 'their person'. Having been through a period of significant mental illness I'm starting again I have to find and make new friends. I'm a little lost as to how I'll find people or a person that I can develop mutual care, trust, empathy and consideration with, who has similar wants too myself. People just seem to have such different ideas of what a friend is. Finding activities you love is a great suggestion EM and finding people there. Less opportunity in a regional town I would think than what one would find living in a city? Ughh

    I'm doing much better mentally now, alone and all however so I have hope positive things will start to flow.

    Sending heart-filled sentiments for kindred spirits x

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