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Forums / BB Social Zone / Have you ever felt this way?

Topic: Have you ever felt this way?

  1. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    22 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey there TMB,

    No need to apologize (but thank you) - you are entitled to have a life!! I am glad you had a good weekend away - even if it was a quite one and the weather here was miserable too lol

    It was a hard weekend - a lot of people would revel in having time away from their children - there are times I feel that way haha although I think at the moment I would rather they were with me - back to normal tonight here (well as normal as our household gets lol) Gizmo (named by miniman from the Gremlins movie) was a sookie lahlah he pines when my little one is away, but did cosy up to me at night - I think he was as cold as I was.

    I have contemplated further study at times, however the only drawback is that I can't do anything with a degree once completed - a catch 22 situation and it is mainly due to the care of my older son. Although I am looking at learning German again - my heritage and I started learning as a child. At least then I wouldn't always have to look up the lyrics to all of the Rammstein songs lol

    That is awesome that you are achieving some happiness in your life now - I'm sure it didn't happen overnight - so feel proud that you have gotten to this point. Hopefully in time I can say the same.

    Wow - great minds think alike - what uncanny coincidence that you were a bright spark at a young age as well - a twin as well - an identical one??

    I wasn't overly surprised that my friend was a no show - she has a lot on her plate at the moment - although it did dampen the spirits a little.

    Chess is way more interesting on a board - I like the look of the fancy medieval ones you can get get. I have a online play against the computer version - I get frustrated with that one very easily - I'm sure that one cheats lol I think the correspondence one would be torture - you would have to be dedicated and I'm sure cheating would go on too.

    Good to hear that you are getting into The Fall's cd after a few listens. I am quite often like that with new music - then you end up finiding the songs you really like and can listen to over and over.

    I did sleep last night after several without much sleep - I felt jet lagged when I woke up though! I must have needed it.

    American Sniper is a fantastic movie - I saw this at the cinema just after it was released. Clint Eastwood is both a great actor and director - have seen most of his movies. Good luck with the bargain hunting at the markets - x fingers the weather holds. I did watch Rock Wiz on Saturday night - decade was the 80's. Could so totally relate and answer most of the questions - it was my teenage decade (yes, shows my age lol)

    Ohne dich mein freund, ware das Leben nicht interessant!

    A big cyber hug back to you TMB,


  2. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    23 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    How are you? Good I hope. So, you are back in your usual routine. I am sitting at my computer desk trying to type this message and outside is the banging and kathumping of machinery. It's not too loud but I wonder if the vibrations are good for my computer? Not to worry.

    How cute, Gizmo longing for miniman like that. I can't have pets where I live but I probably would if I could. I've only had one pet for myself, Boris, a red point siamese. He was a great companion but only lived to age 4.

    I don't suppose you saw Q&A on ABC last night. It was a discussion about energy sources and their effect on the planet etc. What made it extra interesting for me was the presence of singer, Antony as a guest. Have you heard of him?

    He spoke really well, condemning all but renewable sources of energy. At the finish he sang "You are my sister" a beautiful song of his. I was lucky to see it, just caught a glimpse while changing channels. Of course this meant I saw only some of "American Sniper" as I was off in "snooze" land pretty quick.

    I see where you are coming from in relation to study. Perhaps, if the circumstances were right, and you wanted to, you could do 1 subject at a time at Open Universities. That's what I did.

    Learning and studying and doing assignments and getting results made it a very worthwhile venture. I did an average of 1 subject a year which with my illness, suited me perfectly. Some people would say "You're mad!"not going for a degree, they didn't understand my purpose.

    Thanks a lot for your kind and encouraging words. I thoroughly deserve them! (just kidding) It does feel good to be starting again to laugh out loud and just "feel" good. I'm sure that in time the same will happen for you. Definitely!

    You're right about listening to favourite music over and over again. I've gone from disliking, to liking, to loving some of these Fall tracks. One goes for a glorious 7 mins! Another track is called "Dedication not Medication" lol

    How is the sleeping going? Are you getting enough?

    I saw Rockwiz too and could answer some of the questions. Not as many as the previous week, yes I am a child of the 70's! which makes me how old? old enough lol.

    Thankyou for the German quote. I have translated it to mean " One ditch, my friend would make a knight in Lebanon curious" HaHa! Seriously, I did translate it properly...thankyou.

    Bon jour mon ami, vous avez un beau jour!

    Big cyber hug


    P.S. Is your new pic a wolf? Looks great!

    P.S. Twins? yes, identical? no. A brother.

  3. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    23 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Firstly - I actually did laugh out loud (thanks!) the translation  - um, not sure what convertor you were using lol It was more of a thank you for being a friend to me.

    Today was busy - miniman had his visit with the mental health nurse to discuss a few strategies - some new, some I have been doing for eternity with my older son. I am still waiting for his diagnosis for Aspergers - the waiting game is always fun. Just when I thought the day was ok - received a letter in the mail from his father - legal procedures are about to begin. Another headache there - I am booked in to see my lawyer - she is good and at least this time around I have a professional one - the other battle is a story for another time!

    I hope the machinery stops after awhile for you - hey an excuse to have your music louder! Sorry to hear about your cat's short life - we are lucky that Gizmo isn't a wanderer. Boris is a cool name too! I will have to look up the red Siamese - Jack has a cat book - I am sure it will be in there lol

    No, I didn't catch Q & A - sometimes the tv is dominated by the boys. What you have described sounded like an interesting discussion and no I haven't heard of Antony - but will find something on Google or Youtube.

    Thanks for the tips with Uni - one day when my head is in the right frame of mine I will look into it. Practical for me would probably be a Disability Cert.

    See I told you, you would find some tracks that you would like lol Along with Rock Wiz, the boys and I watch Spicks and Specks as well - bit of a family thing we do. At least being children of the 70's I think we develop a wider taste in music - that's what I am sticking with haha

    Yes, that's my black wolf - the wolf has always been my favourite animal. To me they symbolize strength, determination and loyalty. It will be my next tattoo.

    Thank you for the polite French - every day I am trying!

    Big cyber hug back

    Aufwiedersehen mein friend, sich selbst zu sorgen,


  4. Yffrre
    Yffrre avatar
    1 posts
    24 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Dear indra

    first of all my apologies for barging into this convo from the outside  I was browsing the forum as feeling quite sad and alone recently and stumbled on your ongoing conversation with the wonderful TMB  I just wanted to write in after following your story a bit as I find it and your outlook very inspirational  

    basically I think you're a great mum  if I am completely honest with myself there is nothing in my life that I take more importantly than myself and my own feelings  but your dedication, patience, bottomless love, continuous effort and duty with your kids is absolutely admirable to me  I wish I could dedicate so much strength and duty to something outside of myself  in a sense it reminds me of those old medieval conceptions of honour and duty, and serving a purpose higher than yourself  I think your story and struggle could serve as a great example of the type of sacrifices that are so rare in the modern word

    that being said - you are not JUST your sacrifices, and I do hope you find the time to give yourself something back!

    thats all I wanted to say for now  as you say- onwards!

    (fun fact- I am actually writing this from Germany   Also machst gut! Schlaf gut! Und ich wünsche dir ein schönes Tag !

  5. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    24 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Wow! what a message, from Yffrre in Germany! Saying how inspirational you are!!! I must agree...I never thought about it but you could get an award or something, seriously! Best mum of the year?!

    Thanks for the "thankyou for being a friend". I think the last piece of German you wrote meant "Take care of yourself". I used a better translator lol.

    Before I forget, if you are looking for Antony, look up "Antony and the Johnsons" you'll find more that way.

    That's no good having to wait for your son's diagnosis. And now you are faced with legal procedures from the father! I'm glad you have a good, professional lawyer. Please keep me informed with what's happening (if it's no bother).

    Yes, the machinery has gone, thankfully, now it is blissfully quiet. It was vibrating so much it was like being on a carnival ride or something. lol.

    Boris got some strange respiratory illness that Asian cats get but the 4 years I had him were great. We used to hide from each other and play chasies up and down the stairs and he was exceptionally loyal and very affectionate. I could have kept him but his quality of life would've been too far reduced. (Have a look in Jack's cat book. haha!)

    I first heard of Antony in 2003. He was touring Australia with Lou Reed. It was a  great concert more so because LR was one of my icons! A few years later I heard Antony and the Johnsons' "I am a bird now" album and was an instant fan. So much emotion in his songs. Since then I've gotten most of his albums.

    So, more practical for you would be a "Disability Certificate". I thought about doing something similar years ago but never did. I would like to work with people with disabilities again (not myself lol). Maybe in the future.

    You were right about me finding tracks I liked...I'll keep an eye out for Spicks and Specks too.

    Wolves, they are impressive aren't they? Are you thinking of any design in particular?

    Well, I'm off to the supermarket for some excitement! Am going to try and get 13 items through the 12 item aisle. Wish me luck!

    Merci d'être un vrai ami

    Big cyber hug!


  6. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    25 June 2015 in reply to Yffrre

    Hi Yffrre,

    Thank you for your lovely comments - it was very humbling. I just see myself as a mother who loves her boys dearly and would do anything for them. It something I don't have to think about - I just do.

    No need to apologise for writing a post - I had a laugh with TMB saying that I sometimes forget this is a public forum where anybody can read. If it helps - well that is a good thing then! TMB has been a great support as well as Lauren, Jacko and Neil - I am just thankful that there are some good people still left in this world.

    I still find it hard to do things for myself - that's something I have always struggled with - but I am learning lol Never to late for an old wolf to learn new tricks haha

    I must read things more - how wonderful that you are in Germany! My mother was born there and emigrated with her family after WW2. It would be wonderful to visit the country - but alas it probably won't be though.

    Again thank you!

    Heute ist ein besserer Tag, hoffnung fur mehr zu kommen!


  7. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    25 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    This is take 2 - I had typed a long post back earlier, hit send and System Error!!!! How frustrating, so here I go again lol

    I was very humbled by the post from Yffrre - I just see myself as a mother who loves her boys - nothing more, nothing less. The only thing I guess s is that I do have a lot of patience. I am the one who brought them in to this world - so it is up to me to look after them!

    I'm glad you found a better translator haha wasn't sure if I have coined a phrase such as a Lebanese knight lol Thanks for the extra tips in regards to the music. I have always leant towards heavy metal - yep all in black as a teen - but I do like some of the classics - in particular Janis Joplin and The Who. I have just started getting into a band called Rival Sons - haven't bought anything as yet.

    Unfortunately with the public health system the waiting game is just a standard. There have been a few health professionals we have seen that are trying to help the process along. Fingers crossed! I did have a burst of something go right today! The visit with the lawyer went well (after she told me off lol). I now know that I have more rights concerning my youngest and feel strong enough now to stand up to the bullying of the other party and his parents. I even hugged my lawyer as I left and she was great as she only charged me a small fee. It makes a great deal of difference having a private lawyer this time too. Yay!!!

    Grocery shopping is such a chore - I am a bargain hunter by trade and I usually try and shop alone, otherwise I get nagged for Ninja turtle toys! I did actually treat myself today and had a Mint Kitkat - such decadence haha

    Poor Boris - at least you had a few years with him. Gizmo is a very playful cat and only likes to cuddle when he feels like it. He won't sit with miniman too long as my little one can't sit still long enough haha Our cat also has a thing for feet lol

    I think Disability Cert came to mind, as I definitely have the practical experience lol I have been involved with this for over the 11 years my older one has been in the school system. I have been his advocate on many occasions - I am a fierce mother wolf. I had to take on the Education system twice and was a victor on both occasions. Even ended up on tv for one of them! I am not a judgemental person and believe that people with disability never chose the path that they have to follow. The right people should be there to guide them along the way.

    Not sure for the design with the tattoo - probably something similar to the pic I have on here. I don't want to go too large - not the pain, but the cost lol

    In response to your kind words, Danke fur deine Freundschaft, sind schwer zu finden treuen Freunden

    Talk to you cyberly soon,

    Big cyber hug back,


  8. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    26 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    I used to dress in all black too, at one stage. A black T-shirt, black stove-pipe jeans and pointy black suede boots (Winklepeckers!). I'd go to all the pubs in town and watch live bands with me mates. Used to drink in those days, not anymore. I was so cool!

    I have the Janis Joplin collection on CD but none of The Who. JJ is great! The Box set was a gift from a friend and I don't think I've ever heard it all. I downloaded 3 songs of the Rival Sons. Will have a listen.

    Good on you! for standing up to bullying by the other party and his parents, and that's fantastic you have a private lawyer who charges little and doesn't mind a hug. Haha! You even were a TV star advocating for your son, wow!

    A mint KitKat, how decadent you, I actually went out yesterday and got myself a massage! It cost $40 and it was sheer pleasure. Getting kneaded and pummeled felt great at the time but now, the ol' back is a bit sore lol. I also bagged myself 3 blu-rays for $28! One called "Her" won an Oscar for "Best original screenplay". I got it to study as well as enjoy the movie.

    Hopefully my friend is coming down tomorrow to visit. She was going to hospital for some tests but they might be postponing them. My footy team plays Fri night and Sun are the markets which I am looking forward to, again, if it doesn't rain! Grocery shopping on Sat morning...I always feel good having my cupboards full of food. As a bonus, we usually have lunch at a cheap, homey Thai restaurant we discovered around the corner from the shops. $10 for Pad Thai and a drink!

    Yeah, as far as I know, tatts are pretty expensive. They do sting a bit mind you but that's half the fun! When I got my shoulder tatt years ago I had a friend with me, in fact he knew the tattooer (does that make me the tattooee! lol). It did hurt a little but no way was I going to flinch.

    You definitely have the experience to do the Disability Cert. I think I have too. When I first got sick in '91 I was lucky enough to come across a Rehab org. There, I mixed with all manner of people, most with a MI. It was a real education, let me tell you! 

    For 10 years I did vol work, yard maintenance, office work, driving etc. and eventually I got a P/T job as a residential support worker which I held for 5 years. So I have had a fair amount of hands on experience.

    Hope your boys are doing well (and all of your feet are ok.! (Gizmo))

    Yes, true friends are hard to find. Makes me feel very fortunate to know you.

    Passez une journée merveilleuse, mon ami!

    All the Best



    P.S. BIG cyber hug! too.

  9. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    26 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Lol the good ole' days of wearing black and hanging out lol I think I also help put a small hole in the ozone layer with the amount of hairspray used for the big fringe and 80's hair! I don't drink very often anymore - 2 children, affects my medication and the fact that recovery time takes wayyyyyy to long now! I sound so old lol

    So cool - not many people are in to Janis - she has the most raw and powerful voice - my favourite would be Work Me Lord - sends chills. I have one of her biographies, a great read. She burned bright and fast - and you do have to feel for her in so many ways - just trying to find acceptance - as we all are....

    Awesome - a massage is definitely a treat - bargain too! There is a Chinese massage place where I live - it is a little cheaper than the remedial or sports massage ones here as well. The soreness is worth it - although I usually feel like sleeping when I am done. I think the last one I had was about 3 months ago.I googled "Her" - that actually sounds like an interesting movie - quite a few big name actors in it as well.

    The tv was more 15 minutes of fame lol - it got the point across and worked, as the problem was resolved within two days and the Education Dept. rang periodically to see if I was happy.

    Hope your friend is ok - will be nice for the visit. Hope your Rugby team does wins too - I can't get my around to calling it football lol I am from SA and football here is AFL. I haven't followed it now for a few years, but did when I was younger, growing up in the country going to the football was your only form of social contact. I played netball/basketball until I busted my knee at 18 - then I just worked instead (7 days a week for 5 years).

    I am the same - I try and keep the cupboards full - 2 boys and a cat that eat lol Glad you have found a good priced Thai restaurant - it's hard to find a meal nowdays with a drink for $10!!! There is a reasonable Japanese place here that do good cold rolls and dumplings!

    For the positive of yesterday, last night and today I got harrassed by my ex-husband to the point that I actually went to the local police station to see what I could do. Unfortunately not a lot as he lives interstate - but I got some advice. My little one doesn't want to speak to him on the phone either and I know now that I don't have to make him either.

    My last tattoo was the cover up - and the local tattooist threw in a touch up and and extra bit for nothing - I think he felt sorry for me when I explained why I was getting it. It wasn't too bad pain wise - had to suck the breath in every now and then though lol My first 3 didn't hurt at all - it was the one I got on the outer leg that hurt like hell - and bled - all while people waltz in out to have a look lol

    You certainly sound like you have seen a lot on this road - I'm glad you have headed in the right direction too - you have a great range of skills there too. I wasn't very adventurous when I was younger - no confidence and no supoort. I spent ten years in banking (which I hated), then went in to more Admin type roles. My last job, which I left in 2011, I was there for nearly 6 years and really enjoyed my job. Admin role in a Warehouse/transport - where I was the only female in my section. You couldn't be a wilting flower there lol I definitely held my own and at times I think they were a little scared of me hahaha I am still in touch with the 2IC and his family - dont get to see them very often as they don't live close by. Great people

    The boys are up, down and all over the place - the sibling squabbling is fantastic (not) and both have had a couple of meltdowns - at the same time - this week, not a pleasant time but you just ride the storm until is passes. Oh, and furbag is his usual mischief self!!

    Thank you TMB - I too am glad we have started a good friendship - I didn't think it was going to be possible for me anymore!

    Schones Wochenende mein Freund - bleiben Sie,


    Big cyber hug back,


  10. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    27 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Thanks a lot for your great reply. Am glad the boys are doing well and thought your idea to see the police was a good one even if it didn't bring direct results. I think it's really good that miniman doesn't have to speak on the phone if he doesn't want to.

    My friend ended up coming down to my place Fri night and we spoiled ourselves by getting Thai food and watching the rugby league. My team won!!! It was a hard fought game and I'm glad they won after getting flogged in their last match. I've been following them since age 7! My grandmother lived in the area and I just adopted them.

    Well, I have a few music bios too, Nick Cave, Pixies and , of course, The Fall. It's funny that I've had the Fall bio for 15 years and still haven't read it! lol Do you do that? Buy books and never read them?

    I have this cool program where I can download songs for free! So I downloaded Janis' "Work me Lord" and 3 Rival's. "Work me Lord" was very powerful. Enjoyed Rivals too, one acoustic which was brilliant. They reminded me a little of Led Zeppelin.

    Except for once, many years ago, I haven't really tried Japanese food. I know it would taste alright but is it a stand out? Do you think so?

    Your experience in an Admin. role in Warehouse/transport sounds well earned. You stood up to be counted! Good on you! I've had a few different jobs over the years. I left school to work in a steel-making plant. That paid for my trip to Europe. On my return, I doled it for a while then got a job with the Ed. a Clerk and did that for 2.5 years.

    I also worked as a builder's labourer and saved enough dough to go to Malaysia for 2 months. Have you traveled much? I bet you would like to go to Germany! I went there when the Wall was up. East Berlin was a strange place with 1950-ish buildings and cars. The supermarkets were unique with only one type of product and wrapped in plain wrapping, no colourful advertising.

    I think you mentioned being a reader. What do you like to read? I used to read a lot when young trying to read something from every author I heard of! These days I read text books mainly but they can be interesting too. I find reading about screenplay writing delves into other areas which I find fascinating. I think you said something about being a collector of sorts. Well me too lol. Over the years I have collected books, records, tapes, CDs, Dvds and now Blu-rays!

    Rockwiz tonight, The Voice tomorrow night, yee ha!

    Que le reste de votre week-end de la magie!

    Big cyber hug.


  11. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    28 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey there TMB,

    Unfortunately for me the weekend hasn't been a good one. I have felt very low and devastating alone. Have tried to keep busy with the boys but they have been a rollercoaster of high and low as well - part of ASD. I did the cardinal sin - cried in front from of them. I usually can keep it together enough not to do this - but a floodgate opened. I felt even worse when miniman handed me a tissue and gave me a hug. The only up I have had, was that my American penfriend was in touch on line and we had a good chat on Friday night. She is my evil twin - and she was both supportive and blunt - what I needed.

    Glad your football team won and that you both enjoyed some Thai food - it's funny how sometimes you end up barracking for a team that older relatives support. I was an individual even when I was young - didn't go with the flow and supported a football team that no of my family followed! The other sport I enjoy watching is ice hockey, something different I know.

    Yes, I am a book collector of sorts - not as much as I used when I was young and single and had spare cash lol I tend to buy as a birthday/Christmas treat or if I find some on special. Booktopia is a great online store, but I am old fashioned and love browsing through bookstores for ages and definitely will not own a kindle! There is something magical about reading a book and turning the pages. My favourite authors are Kate Forsyth (I got to meet her and get my favourite book signed and had a great chat). She is Australian and based in Sydney and writes fantasy/historical fiction. I also like Matthew Reilly (saw him too lol), Joe Abercrombie and I always go back to Dean Koontz and Stephen King, as they were the first two that I got into at about age 11. Reading and music are great form of escape. I do read non fiction as well, historical, cooking usual run of the mill.

    Glad you enjoyed the Janis song too - I watched Rock Wiz last night - didn't enjoy that one as much - except for the end song - I know I like heavier music but Groove is in the Heart has always been catchy - I know I admitted to it lolOh, and you were spot on with RIvals - Led Zep was the first thing that came to mind. I have been in to Led Zep since I was a kid as well. With The Who - give Quadrophenia a whirl - it's a great movie as well. Definitely in Pete Townsends rock opera phase.

    Japanese food is awesome - everyone only thinks of sushi - but there are so many great choices. I always enjoy the tempura vegetables. Although Japanese food seems to be a bit pricier than other Asian foods.

    You certainly are well travelled TMB - half your luck! When I should have been travelling and seeing the world, I was dealing with my anxiety disorder and could barely go 10km out of town, let alone overseas. I think it is out of the question now. Definitely Germany on the list - and wow your experience when you went sounds fantastic. I guess on my list would have been the US and Scotland and Wales.

    I also crashed and burned trying to give up smoking yet again this weekend. I m determined to keep trying though - I went without for a year until just recently with all of the new stress - it was easy to fall back into. I will get there!!!!

    Enjoy the Voice tonight - I only watched the first year of it when Karise Eden won - kept watching because she did the Janis song lol

    Ein tapferer Maske trage ich, Ihre Freundschaft TMB, bleiben genial,

    Big cyber hug back,



  12. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    29 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Comment allez-vous? Better I hope. Was very sorry to hear of your not so good weekend. Low and alone is no good at all, mate. I guess the boy's ups and downs plus other things just added up to be too much for you. That's ok. How adorable miniman giving you a tissue and a hug after you cried! I hope these feelings of depression(?) and stark solitude are only fleeting.

    Great you were in contact with your penfriend from the U.S! Have you been penfriends for long?

    Hey, I don't mind ice hockey either, it's fast and furious. I don't go out of my way to watch it but I did see a good movie on it once. It was called "Miracle", with Kurt Russell, about the 1980 U.S. Olympic ice hockey team. Have you seen it?

    Yes, with all the modern technology available, reading a book is still kinda special! Just thought of one you may like called "Call of the Wild" by Jack London. An oldie but a goody. It's about a dog called Buck and his life journey, including his time as a sled dog in Alaska(?). I've read it a few times , first when I was a boy. the later, always a pleasure. Good on you seeing your two authors, Kate and Matthew, that would've been exciting for you.

    I think Led Zeppelin are an exceptional band. My favourite album is "Houses of the Holy" with the Rain song etc. but most of their albums are extremely good.

    If I ever eat Japanese again I'll definitely try the tempura vegies! Haha!

    Sorry to learn of your anxiety disorder that kept you localized. I'm a bit like that now. I did my traveling pre 1990 and now don't know if I could cut the mustard with respect to doing it again. Too much for my brain to handle, lol. I have been to Scotland and liked it very much. I met a Scottish girl in Amsterdam and stayed at her parent's place near Glasgow for a week. I spent 2 months on a houseboat in Amsterdam, that was great! Would love to go to the many cool places there. Maybe I'll be reincarnated as a southern gentleman! lol.

    I got a skinhead yesterday. You are glad to not know me. lol.

    You did great to give up smoking for a year! Good luck with it again. I gave up in 1992 and have managed to stay off them. I stopped drinking grog too as when I drank, I smoked! Even so, it is very hard to stop!

    I did enjoy The Voice last night. One performer, a young bloke Sang from the soul. The judges were literally begging to be picked!

    Thankyou so much for your thoughtful message in German. Was touching!

    Soyez aimable avec vous-meme, mon cher ami.

    Keep smiling!

    Big cyber hug!


  13. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    29 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Thank you yet again for your unending support! I was so glad to read your response. Today being back in to the swing of things I don't have a lot of time to dwell on things. Yes, my little man, although he tries my patience at times was a little darling when he did this. The depressive feelings maybe fleeting, but the feeling of solitude isn't. I am starting to be resigned to the fact that I am going to be alone for a long time. I had a response from Neil, saying you never know, but I am starting to accept it.

    I have been in contact with my friend in the US for three years now. She is my doppelganger lol We met through a penpal site as I had penfriends when I was a kid and wanted to experience it again - although being online is far easier than snail mail! You say being reincarnated as a southern gentleman - she is from Virginia and we have spoken on the phone before - she has a great Southern twang and does a great rendition of Gone with the Wind haha

    I have heard of the Kurt Russell film but not seen it. I love Slapshot with Paul Newman - even though it was made in 1977 - it is still very funny if you get past the 70's fashion lol Speaking of movies, I love Jack Nicholson and one of his best movies (my opinion) is Goin' South. Absolutely hilarious, I definitely recommend that one, if you haven't seen it already.

    Led Zep - yay another fan! I think Physical Graffiti would be my favourite album of theirs. As for songs, so hard to narrow that done to a favourite. I do love Black Hearted Woman, Since I've Been Loving You and the Immigrant Song to name a few. I did a rendition of Rock and Roll at karoake many, many moons ago (and after a lot of beverages).

    I don't remember reading Call of the Wild - but do know it's a classic. One of my all time favourites would be To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - the movie was also done brilliantly. It was Robert Duvall's first movie as Boo Radley.

    I did watch the Voice tonight - albeit under protest from miniman (he wanted to watch Dr Who). I loved the last singer Amber with her song "Strong". Must look that one up.

    Sooo jealous that you have been to Scotland! Glad you ended up with free accommodation as well! Houseboat in Amsterdam? Was that on a canal?

    I am a bit cross at myself with the smoking. I find the first day of withdrawal really hard - if I can get through that, I will be on my way again. Yes, I agree with you there - drinking and smoking was like a balancing act for your hands when you are out. I don't drink very often anymore - I just am not into it and after my 2nd ex being a binge alcoholic - don't enjoy being around heavy drinkers either.

    As for a skinhead - hair or lack there of - is hair. Ohh contrare TMB - I would have been the friend saying hand me the clippers - I'll do it for you lol I can't talk - I went from having hair half way down my back to a short bob under my chin in May. I got bored lol It's hair - it grows back and in my case quickly!

    Villkommen for the message!

    Hier ist bis zum Beginn der gute Freundschaft - danke TMB


    Big cyber hug back,



  14. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    30 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    I love hearing from you too, mate! Your posts are interesting, funny, informative. Like a mini novel, exciting to explore. I like the way you write. I enjoy helping you and writing to you is helping me. It's helping to drag me out of my solitude.(by the hair? not any more, lol).

    As for you being alone for a long time, I agree with what Neil said, you never know. Just concentrate on your life, yourself, your kids etc, as I know you are and will, Strive to be happy in yourself. You've got it all Indra, I don't think you'll be alone for long.

    Am just about ready to start reading the "Whiplash" screenplay. It is sitting patiently on my desk. I saw the movie a month or so ago and thought it was absolutely astounding. You must see this movie!! I give it 9.99 out of 10. The best film I've seen since "Warrior" a few years ago. It doesn't sound terribly exciting, a movie about a young jazz drummer, but take a look, it sure is! In your face, confronting and very, very dramatic!

    Slapshot and Going South are now in the memory banks. Thanks for that. I have heard of them before but can't remember seeing them. I had a laugh about the 70s fashion you mentioned. I ordered Fallen and Quadrophenia the other day. I admire Jack Nicholson too. Loved him in Batman and One flew over...To Kill A Mockingbird sounds enthralling too. Will keep an eye out for movie/book.

    Yes, our houseboat was on a canal in Amsterdam. A guy I knew owned two and let me and a mate share one. It was great! Freezing at times, in long johns underneath a stack of clothes, gloves, beanie. We all had our own bicycles and would go riding around town. (They have bike lanes all over the city) Sometimes we'd catch the cable car. Amsterdam was a beautifully architectured yet modern, forward thinking city. And heaps of interesting people to meet as lots of tourists ventured there.

    Your friend from Virginia sounds great. I found it hard to get a good penpal years ago, then I met a Polish teacher online. She would write regularly and send pics. We corresponded for 4 years. During that time we had a few fallings out. On one occasion I sent her flowers in Poland to apologize!

    It is just hair. And I don't like it long anymore. My friend cut it with electric shears. Last time she took a big chunk out of it and it looked kinda funny but this time no probs lol.

    Best of luck with that first day of no smoking!

    Keep smiling!

    Ete un long temps puisque je bascule et ai roule.

    Big cyber hug!


  15. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    30 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Well thanks - I just write what pops in to my head and I have always written this way! I remember getting lectured in Year 11 English for writing to adult for myself. I debated with the teacher that, that was how I wrote and he apologised and I continued to get straight A's in his class lol He also helped me at the time to get some work published in his magazine. I did have dreams at that stage of being a Journo. I am glad that I can help you too with your solitude. I enjoy your wit and interesting tales to be told. It's also good to meet (even in cyberland) someone who has some common interests as well.

    I kept myself very busy today - even though I was running on four hours sleep! Housework (blah), baking, a gym session and in between school taxi and an appointment with miniman's OT. I think I am running on adrenalin now lol Miniman took forever to go to sleep and my eldest was still awake after midnight. I won't go to sleep until he has - not that it makes a lot of difference, but I seem to sleep easier that way.

    Cheers - I have written down Whiplash - I have the memory of a sieve lately lol I have just gotten Netflix - so will see if it is on there.  I hope you enjoy Quadrophenia - there is some fantastic music in it and Sting plays one of the characters as well. It's loosely based on The Who themselves. Talking of bio's I read Keith Moon's awhile back - certainly a very interesting life!

    What an experience in Amsterdam! Cycling through a foreign city sounds like quite the adventure. Did you visit many of the historic sites? I think that is the allure of Scotland for me - castles, the highlands. Have seen quite a few docos on it and it just looks so picturesque. I have only travelled a little in Australia. Once I got on top of my anxiety disorder I felt a little more confident in getting out and about. I have been to Melbourne about a half a dozen times, Sydney and the Gold Coast. I'm not the most confident flyer - but I got there!!

    You are very polite to send flowers to Poland - how thoughtful. Funny you mention Poland, that is the other part of my heritage. My grandfather was Polish - and still had his ultra thick accent even after living in Australia for 40 years! With my background I get teased that I am a stubborn, hot head lol

    Um, crashed a little with the smoking - but I have cut down. I have to find another outlet for my stress -

    Awesome line from Led Zep - never to old to rock and roll!!!!!!!

    One up you here - Das ist das Geheimnis des Quottenten - auf uns ein wenig regen fallen muss

    You should have taken pics when your friend took a chunk out of your hair lol At least now you will save some cash on haircare products hahaha

    Stay awesome TMB and always great to hear from you Mein Freund!

    Big cyber hug back,


  16. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    1 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Thanks for your kind words. So you wanted to be a Journo? I imagine you would've been very good at it with your wide general knowledge and English skills. I never knew what I wanted to do when I was young. I left school and went to work at a local heavy industry. Think I wanted to be a doctor but marks weren't high enough. Only knew that I didn't want to get married and settle down.

    Wow, you certainly were busy yesterday. I see what you mean regarding sleeping better when your sons are asleep. I must be getting older, I only seem to need 6 hrs sleep each night but then, like an old grandpa, I drop off in front of the telly!

    Quadrophenia sounds great. I'm looking forward to it. Expecting it mid-July. Keith Moon's bio would be very good as you say, I also have P.J.Harvey's and Anthony Kiedis (from RHCPeppers) both unread! lol. Is Netflix, watching movies online? I hope you like Whiplash if you see it, it certainly isn't dull!

    I haven't seen much of Oz either. Flying has never bothered me. I remember going to Stirling castle in Scotland, very impressive and so was the lush green lands surrounding it. Edinburgh castle was a stand out too. Can't recall visiting a lot of historical sights in Amsterdam but imagine I did. Saw the house of Ann Frank plus art museums. Went to a nightspot called "Milkveg", "The Milky Way" which had live bands and sold grass from just about anywhere and all legal!

    A stubborn, hot head eh? The truth is coming out now! Haha! My friend gave me a pretty good rundown of Poland (which I've mostly forgotten!) I remember it being a very interesting place with lots of tradition.

    Have been giving that Fall album a bit of a hiding. I really like it, typical Fall. Another surprise for me was enjoying the music in Whiplash. I've never liked jazz but the music in the movie was great! The young star must have practised for months!

    I don't want to sound like Dr TMB but have you tried nicorettes or ? They're good to chew on, gives your mouth something to do when stressed. I used them when I gave up along with the good ol' peppermint lollies.

    Congrats on the 100 posts!

    My translator spat out heiroglyphics from your last German message! I think it's Led Zep? The Rain Song? Can you enlighten, please?

    Lol, re: my hair products. Just wish it would stay short by itself.

    "Seulement les humains portent leur passe autour, leur passe autour". The Fall

    Until next we meet in cyberville, mon ami.

    Big cyber hug!


  17. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    1 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    That was an interesting passage from The Fall - thank you. Yes, my quotation was from The Rain Song (a very pretty song for want of a word). "This is the mystery of the quotient - upon us a little rain must fall". Robert Plant does hold such poetical license - except in Vol 4 - which is heavily plagerised from Lord of the Rings - I didn't mind the movies, but I must admit it is the only novel EVER that I didn't finish. It wasn't the length, it's just that I find Tolkien over does the descriptiveness of each character and it became a chore rather than a joy to read.

    I have Whiplash in queue on Netflix - it wasn't ready for watching - I will when it comes through. I did read the blurb that came with it and it does sound interesting. I am with you on that on - I have never been in to jazz either. I find it a little too "busy" to listen too. I give credit to actors that fully research their roles or learn a skill or instrument to make their character more authentic.

    I had three things I was tossing around for a job in high school - but I left as I explained with no option of uni - and worked in a bank for the next 9 years - which I thoroughly hated. I lament sometimes if I hadn't had children (both boys were big surprises) what would I have achieved? I certainly would have more cash and probably wouldn't have to colour my hair so often either lol

    Thank you for filling me in with stories of your travelling days. I have heard about the availability of weed in cafes before and all legal. I have also seen a doco about the red light district, where the women are in the windows on display - it was really quite sad to watch.

    Um yes - probably more stubborn than a hothead lol

    Not looking forward to Friday - my eldest baby has to go away for the week. Most people tell me enjoy the break (I still have miniman) but I tend to worry more than relax. He is always highly strung about going (I have to send him at the moment) and the only thing I don't deal well with his Autism, is when he is upset and I can't reassure or console him. It doesn't get any easier.

    Thanks for the congrats on 100 posts - I only looked at it when you mentioned it lol I do follow some of the other posts, but I generally only comment/lend an ear when I can relate or feel that I can help in some small way.

    Off to the docs tomorrow for bloods and level checks - the joys - in the last couple of years it's the only time I have ever had bruises on my fingertips - such a joy!!! I am a bit concerned with my leg at the moment - will get that looked at that as well. I am probably over cautious, as I have had two blood clots on my lungs before. The fun of old age pregnancy - never again!!!! Just thought I would share lol

    Well, Dr T - you can keep the nicabate lol they are disgusting! I am going to do cold turkey again and if I keep failing will go the patches again I think. Trying....peppermints work and butterscotch lol

    "Und der Haifisch der hat Tranen, Und die laufer vom gesicht, Doch der Haifisch lebt im wasser - so die Tranen sieht man nicht" - Haifisch (Shark) Rammstein

    Look forward to hearing from you in the land of cyber Mein Freund,

    Big cyber hug back!



  18. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Really enjoyed your post tonight. Laughed several times and thought the usual "me too" on some of your comments like the "business of jazz" for example.

    Yeah I thought, "Only humans carry their past around..."" was insightful and very true from The Fall...what other species carries their past around with them? As far as I know animals don't.

    A beautiful song The Rain Song, one of my favourites, one I use to try to play on guitar when I was learning but somehow it wasn't quite the same. Ha!.

    Haven't read Tolkien and don't think I want to now. lol!. You mentioned Whiplash and I suddenly thought "Oh My God" what if she hates it!? Guess we'll find out soon enough. It's a full on but a good full on movie to my way of thinking and yes Miles Teller does a first rate job on the drums.

    So 9 years of misery doing a bank job you despised gave you grey locks! Is that why you cut your hair? Seriously, what were the three things you were tossing around for a job when you were at school? Journo?  and ? and ? I didn't like the Red Light district in Amsterdam either. So you're mostly stubborn are you?

    You poor thing. I'm trying to think of something useful to tell you! re: your son going away. I suppose you've tried everything to prevent him from getting upset. I really feel for you Indra, wish I could help. Is there any external help or perhaps help online for info that you could get? I suppose you've already explored those options. More than happy to talk more. How is the sleeping and loneliness going?

    Me too with the posts! I only like to comment to people having problems with Self-Esteem because of this fantastic book I have which has helped me no end. I noticed your post to someone tonight. I thought it was great, well written and very  helpful. Good on you!

    Two blood clots in your lungs wow! Did you have to take Warfarin, the blood thinner? And you're worried about your leg. Let me know how you go at the doc's please. You might as well tell Dr T everything - blood tests etc etc. lol.

    I don't blame you, those Nicorette are pretty horrible. Peppermints and butterscotch yay! Actually, I am pretty sure Nicorette have new meds now capsules etc. or?

    Don't know how my translator will go with the shark quote from Ramnstein. Will  need the advanced model, the Indra 5000 translator. haha!.

    Until next time we meet in the "Land of Cyber",

    "Qui est en poussant sur les pédales du cycle de la saison?"  XTC

    Big cyber hug mon ami!


  19. Mares73
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Mares73 avatar
    748 posts
    2 July 2015
    Hi India & TMB I opened this post thinking  one of you could do with some support. And whilst I read ur struggles, I also sense a great connection which is helping you both face life's challenges. My story in brief-grew up in alcoholic violent home, went to  Priest for help & was drugged & raped. Then at 19 met & married the first guy I knew-i cried the night before the wedding. I knew I just didn't feel worthy of being loved or cared for. Fast forward to today I have 2 kids & still with my husband who is battling acute leukemia. It's a dark lonely Road yet I've had to find strength to survive. At the same time I'm going through a civil  case against the priest who abused me. Shame I can't take a similar case against my father but he opted out of life few yrs back. Have either of you read "The Happiness Trap" or lo0ked up Russ Harris online? He practices ACT-ACCEPTANCE & Commitment therapy which i find much more realistic than CBT(cognitive behavioral therapy) which tells us to challenge our thinking. ACT is reverse-its about accepting & not judging how you feel. Not sure what point your each at with depression, anxiety & recovery. I struggle mostly with anxiety of late, always vigilant,  ready for attack. It's exhausting. But I now understand it comes from me being the "parent" in my family as well as my marriage always on alert for threats, moods, tensions. Highly sensitive.I keep being told that I have no self esteem, doubt myself & always put others before myself. So I have a big challenge in accepting myself.  I've also come to isolate myself, losing most friendships & have days where I struggle to leave house-effects of trauma I'm told. Anyway enough about me.My post is titled "how to cope with devastation when life falls apart". I've been a member for coming up 2 yrs I think. I hope you both have a manageable day. Oh & I'm sure I've heard of "TheFall" -is it an English band? What's their biggest hit so I can find them? I've taken to Spodify-all that great music for free. Do either of you have access to it or I could talk u thru steps. You both sound like wonderful grounded people & despite your pain, struggles or battle with the Black Dog-you continue to get back up & most importantly I feel there's a sense of humour-a way to put a a smile on each others face. That can't be underestimated-ive forgotten how to feel happy or even a fledging sense of it. I'd love to laugh. Well  take care, thanks for both ur insights & hope to chat again. Lve Mares
  20. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to Mares73

    Hi Mares,

    Thank you for your sharing your story with me. I am very thankful for TMB's friendship and connection, it is good to find some commarderie with another person and some common interests.  I feel it's is hard to find a connection with people, especially if they don't understand some of the struggles that you face. I am glad I stumbled across the forums on BB, and have had some wonderful support from TMB and other caring people.

    Your story is so sad and I am sorry that you have had to go through so much hardship. My mother went through similar abuse at the hands of the church when she was at an orphanage (her mother passed at a young age and my grandfather could not look after 3 small children), she did not want to go through the legal battle as others did that were dealt with a similar fate at the place they were at. She did not believe me at first when I told her that I had been abused as a child. She did cry and apologise to me recently though. For me that part of my past I don't generally like to talk about to much, as I tend to end up with night terrors after doing so. I have moved on so to speak and just tend to deal with the current part of my life.

    Laughter is definitely a great coping mechanism, and I do tend to have a very dry one lol Yes, I have Spotify but thank you for the suggestion.

    I don't have a choice but to get back up after being knocked down over and over again. I have two wonderful boys that depend on me and me alone. It gives you  sense of purpose for being here. I don't chose to be alone, it's just that circumstances tend to make it that way.

    Your compliments are very humbling, I do hope you find the laughter and light that has been missing and continue to stay strong - not only for your children, but most importantly for yourself.

    Take care of yourself and appreciate you stopping by,


  21. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Glad you got a chuckle with some of my post - the old adage of laughter is the best medicine certainly does ring true at times!! You are certainly correct in saying that humans carry their past with them -and sometimes not for the better. It is hard to let go of some of the things that you endure - would be a perfect utopia if only you could remember happy times. An awesome quote by XTC - Who is pushing the pedals - old man Winter for the season, I delved in an thought about who is pushing the pedals of the mind, if only one knew. That is my deep and meaningful (or less) part of the conversation lol

    You are a glutton for punishment taking on The Rain Song when at the L plate stage of guitar - I learnt for awhile but it was pre-children days and I think because my first ex was pushing me to do so. If I ever had the chance, I think piano or really adventurous, violin would be wonderful to learn. I have a budding drummer with my miniman - he has already worn out a few things. He has some natural talent happening.

    Sorry to bad mouth Tolkien - some people love it and my case not - if you are up for the challenge by all means read away!  Don't stress when I get to see "Whiplash", I am honest - will let you know either way if I enjoy it or not, and I am not that harsh of a critic haha

    No my silver sparkles in the hair started at 22 after I had gotten on top of my anxiety disorder - that's what stress does to you. The only vanity I have in life is not to be grey!! Apart from that I have never been one to keep up with the latest trends or the like. I am all for individuality!

    Thank you for being concerned about us all - and yes I have tried everything, including a pyschologist, it takes alot for me not to cry with him sometimes. That is the hardest part about being a parent and one with special needs kids. I will just try and make his night fun and let him choose what he wants for dinner - little things that mean something to him. I am also guessing I will be in for a late night.. So to answer the question still sleepless in SA. I think BB should have Skype - but with masquerade masks to keep the whole anonymity thing happening. As for loneliness - still very much feeling that emotion. It is tiring.

    Well, have tbeen to round one of the Docs - I feel like a pin cushion! It's a finger prick test like diabetics do, but my levels were ultra high again, so it was a blood test as well - which took them 2 attempts. I then had to go for an ultrasound on my leg to make sure there were no more clots forming - such fun. Was given the all clear for that, but have to go back and get results and further instruction. It wasn't my normal GP (he's on annual leave - lucky him) and the GP I saw a bit gruff, but very thorough. I cried when I left the hospital - not sure in relief or who knows at the moment! I used to be a lot harder on myself when I cried - felt weak - but am a little gentler towards myself these days.

    Thank you for the compliment - it has taken me many years to know how to receive them - not that many had come my way before lol It is a good feeling when you can reach out and help somebody. Even if it is just listening to someone.

    The Indra 5000 hey lol The site Affenknecht has Rammstein lyrics translated - the passage from Shark was in regards to solidarity! Rammstein lyrics are usually very, very dark or dark love songs, it was hard to find something inbetween lol

    Well, must dash for now - it was nice of Mares to stop in - and I am glad we have the friend connection happening TMB -

    Haben Sie einen wunderbaren Rest des Tages, bald sprechen,

    From cyber and beyond,

    Big, big cyber hug back,


  22. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Oh, mind of a sieve here. Forgot to reply - the other career paths I wanted to do were Physiotherapy or a fall back of teaching High School, with English and PE as subjects - that was all before I destroyed my knee lol Lastly, yes I am a lifer on Warfarin - once you have had to PE's that's it - you are on it for good.One of my doctor's I have had called it Rat Poison - it's not the most fun medication to take. Lots of bruising and very hard to keep stable - but better than the other outcome by not being on it!



  23. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    3 July 2015 in reply to Mares73

    Hi Mares,

    Thank you for your post. Yes, I have a good friendship and connection with Indra. I thank Beyond Blue for giving me the opportunity to meet people and make friends here at their forums. Indra has provided me with awesome support which along with one other lady, has helped me enormously.

    Wow, you have certainly been through a lot. Am sorry your life has been so full of painful events. I don't have children but I do know what it's like to have a family member abusing alcohol and being intimidating. I also have had the experience of witnessing a family member battle with a severe illness.

    You're right, The Fall is an English band. Their best hit was a song called "Victoria".

    Thanks very much for the offer but I already have a song download program.

    Thank you very much too for your kind words of praise. Very generous of you. A sense of humour is very important I think. It can relieve stress and anxiety. Sometimes depression can blot out our sense of humour and it just takes another kind soul to get one smiling again. I learned years ago that endurance is one of the most important things in life particularly when depressed. So getting up after being down is a continual thing for me, though as I get better it is getting easier. I do appreciate your words.

    I wish you all the best in your journey. May your difficulties be surpassed.

    Please be kind to yourself, take care and thanks for popping in. 


  24. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    3 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    You'll have to excuse me today, I'm feeling a bit flat as I have a cold. So my words may not be as lively as usual.

    That's all I did on guitar was learn. I had no talent for it at all even though I really like music. I have met a few people who are very skilled and it is a pleasure listening to them. One guy has been in bands where I live and loves doing covers, especially Cold Chisel. Another guy I knew used to compose his own songs and they were, to me, very good.

    I'm glad miniman is into drumming, maybe he will like parts of Whiplash? lol.Yeah, I can see you playing a violin.

    I don't think my brain could handle Tolkien at the moment. And no, I won't stress about you liking Whiplash or not. (He lies!) I think it's true that you will either like it a lot or not at all. Anyway, we will see. I watched "Chicago" last night but didn't like it much. The songs were a bit predictable. Was good seeing Richard Gere tap dancing!

    Grey hair, wow! I am starting to go really grey and my friend wonders why I don't dye it. For some reason, I just wouldn't do it. But if someone wants to then that's cool. 22 is young, too much stress you poor thing! I don't follow trends either and feel I'm great just the way I am. How's that for healthy self-esteem? I'm not very patriotic either, instead seeing all people as people just coming from different places. Don't get me wrong, I love Australia and feel lucky to live here but I don't think we are better than others.

    That must be very hard for you, not crying with your son sometimes. That sounds like an excellent idea, letting your son choose his dinner. Do the boys have favourite meals? Sorry to hear of your lack of sleep, hope it improves for you. You made me laugh out loud with your comment about Skype and the masquerade masks. Would that be masked depression? sorry...

    It's good you are kinder to yourself re: crying. I don't think it's wrong or right just needs and awareness. I myself get a little teary sometimes when seeing something emotional on tv (now don't tell anyone!) Once in a blue moon I'll have a blubber but less so now as my depression eases. So great that you are clot free! Hooray! Best of luck with round 2 of the Docs.

    Was nice of Mares to call in. Glad we have the friend connection too.

    "Entre la pensee et l'expression se trouve une vie"  The Velvet Underground.

    Take care, yourself and sons.

    Bye for now


    P.S. Big cyber hug!

    P.S.S. Sieve here! lol. Ta for telling me about career paths and Rat poison!.

  25. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    4 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    I had seen that you were feeling poorly on another thread- hope you are feeling better today. Take the old wives' remedy of chicken noodle soup, vix and rest on board. It seriously does work! I know, old mother hen here lol

    I kind of shy away from musos now - my violent ex is one. I do think musicians here have a prerequisite of learning Cold Chisel - there is always someone yelling out for Khe San. I always preferred Bow River myself.

    You are brave - Chicago hey. Musicals are one genre that I can't get into. My limits are The Who's rock operas, Led Zep's Song Remains the Same and uhmm Rocky Horror Picture Show (yes, I admitted to it). My mum was a mad Richard Gere fan - she used to have a photo in her purse - not of her family!

    That was a positive for your self esteem! I wish I could follow suit. I have never had a lot of it - I guess when you have been put down for half of your life, you kinda start believing in it. I am not overly patriotic either. Yes, Australia has a lot more positives and freedoms than other countries, but there are negatives about here as well. Tall poppy syndrome comes to mind. I guess the same thing could be said about religion as well - not going to open up that can of worms lol

    It is hard to hold back and be strong for my son -sometimes I just can't though. It has been a bit of a down day, apart from taking miniman to the Minion movie. Was pretty funny and he was happy, he got an Avengers drink and cup. The local cinema is not too bad - firstly, don't have to travel and it is less expensive than the major ones.

    The boys do have their favourite meals - my older son likes chicken burgers and they both like pizza (but only particular ones). Miniman is a very fussy eater - he would live on cake and donuts if I let him!

    I laughed with your response to the Skype - if you can't laugh - what else are you going to do?

    I seem to cry at a lot of things lately - must stay away from the sadder stories on tv - don't tell anyone - um TMB, have you forgotten where we are?? haha Doctor's was all ok - just an adjustment in dosage and re check next week - it goes through that cycle sometimes.

    I loved the quote that you pilfered as well - I think my lifetime lies in thought and only sometimes I can express them. Being on here I have been able to be myself.

    Meine Traume, sind sie nicht so leer, wiemein Gewissen zu sein scheint, ich habe Stunden, nur einsam - Behind Blue Eyes - The Who.

    Feel better soon Mein Freund,

    Take care of you too,

    Cyber hug,

    Indra S

  26. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    5 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Thanks a lot for wishing me well. I have no chicken noodle soup or vix but I have been resting a lot AND drinking homemade Coffee lattes like they're going out of style! Also been sucking on plenty of butterscotch and throaties lollies. Am feeling better but still a bit deflated and not terribly alert. I hope you are going ok!

    Yeah, I won't be racing out to get another musical. lol. Didn't like Chicago  much. But I do have quite a few music videos that I like...The Police, ACDC, Nick Cave, P.J. Harvey and more. I have a 1975 concert of ACDC live in Paris that I'm especially fond of. Rocky Horror Picture Show eh? How many times? lol.

    Very sorry to hear that you have been treated badly (put down) a lot in the past. My self-esteem used to be low for years, now it's much better. I can at least fight back against negativity now and can handle criticism and other undermining things. I have the tools to fight back so I can cope much better. All from a book someone gave me years ago. It really has helped to change my life. Anyway, I won't rave on about it too much. Here are the details if you're interested...

    The whole title is, Self-Esteem (Third Edition) A proven program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning.

    Publisher - New Harbinger Publications

    ISBN: 1572241985

    You can get it at Fishpond.

    I know everyone raves on about how good a book is and such, well this one actually IS terrific! A complete manual for getting and maintaining your self-esteem. It really opened my eyes! I wasn't doing anything wrong before, it just wasn't that good for me, if that makes sense.

    That sounded like fun, the Minion movie. Sorry to hear your day was otherwise a bit down but it's great the cinema is so handy. The boys favourites are my favourites as well. lol. If I wasn't watching my weight, I'd be scoffing down more food like that too. Lucky for me I'm not!

    No good that you've been crying a lot, you must need to...but it's great you can be yourself here at the forums. Yeah, between thought and a top line and I liked the way you applied it to yourself. I liked the Behind Blue Eyes quote too, thanks for that. When cyber surfing for lyrics, I didn't realize that The Who had so many good songs.

    "Juste un pas de côté de ce monde aujourd'hui"   The Fall - Just Step S'ways

    Thanks for wishing me better.

    Take care, mon ami

    Big cyber hug!


  27. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    6 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Sorry for the delay in response - have had internet hassles - and found the reason why this morning. The ex who recently bailed on us, had actually hacked my internet and locked me out!!! The tech from Internode ended up having a great chuckle with me in getting it fixed. My ex had changed the password - well let's say it wasn't very polite. I am keeping an eye on it all, as he advised me I can go to the police if it keeps happening. It also show me he had been using my service as well! Talk about nasty!

    I hope you are feeling better as well. I have never gone for a flu shot - I generally - touch wood - get the flu. Maybe a bit rundown or the sniffles for a couple of days. I put it down to that I don't have time to get sick lol I have been feeling a little tired of late though.

    My family was in the wars over the weekend - my mum is back in hospital, but will be out tomorrow and miniman and I are going down to spend some time there. I also got a txt at 1am Saturday night from my brother, saying that one of my nephew's was airlifted to the city after he had had a motorbike accident. Ended up with a broken arm and concussion. I love how they all run to me in a crisis!

    You have been scarred for life by watching Chicago haha Music videos (Dvd's - I know I am stuck in the old age) are great. I have seen one of the AC/DC ones before. I much prefer Bon Scott as a lead man too. This particular one had the miniscule Angus Young running around like crazy - only to see him in the wings on an oxygen mask!!! Not bad for a man who still chains smokes. I have read Bon Scott's biography - certainly a good read.  Oh, and I have lost count on how many times I have seen Rocky Horror lol In the younger days, friends and I would make an event of it, if it came on tv - lots of liquid merriment and singing I'm afraid lol

    Thank you for the book reference - will have a look. I have ordered stuff from Fishpond before and they haven't been too bad .Don't apologize for promoting something that has helped you.

    Minion movie was great and I took miniman to see Inside Out today - the emotion movie lol This one was a bit sad at times, more of a girl's movie - not enough action happening for my little one lol He wants to see Antman now lol Curse you previews!!! It is nice though to be able to do this with him.

    You have great willpower then with the food thing - I yoyo - but am on the way back to me from the past! I don't obsess with it though.

    The Who certainly do have a great catalogue of songs - ranging from the very early poppy stuff to the rockier. I like Roger Daltry's voice - it's not a classic trained one - but a manly one lol

    I had trouble converting the last Fall song line as well - a little help? haha

    Kein Reim, Kein Grund, nur leben

    Take care of yourself to Mein Freund,

    Big cyber hug back,


    1 person found this helpful
  28. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    7 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Not good for you, the way your ex has been acting! Hacking and locking you out and using your service! It sounds pretty underhanded. I certainly hope it doesn't continue but if it does, as you say, you could then involve the police. Be careful! Not wanting to alarm you or anything, it makes me wonder if there are any other areas where he could try to take advantage of you?

    I am feeling better but the cold is lingering. A few more days and I should be right. Thanks for the well wishes.

    You must be considered the Strong One or something similar to have your relatives coming to you for assistance. Maybe you give good advice! I hope your nephew is ok and your mother too. I hope too, that you enjoy your stay there at your Mum's.

    It definitely could be fun for the actors and makers of the film but for the audience I'm not so sure...I may be scarred for life from watching "Chicago"! lol. What worries me the most is that I'm still humming "All That Jazz", one of the film's main songs!

    Angus Young is a character! I like early ACDC too. Bon's biography would've been good. I read Nick Cave's, it was excellent! ACDC are touring Australia later this year. The tickets are $200 and up! I used to have a friend who went to midnight screenings of "Rocky Horror". She used to get dressed up with all her friends. It was a big party!

    Just like Rockwiz...What was the first concert you ever saw?

    Fishpond are very good, I use them all the time, their prices are low and they have free shipping!

    So, miniman wants to see "Antman". You'll just have to get to the cinema later so you can miss the previews lol. Someone got me in a full nelson recently forcing me to watch "Marley & Me". I hate to admit it but I kinda liked it, in fact, I'd recommend it!

    Hard to gauge my depression right now due to my cold but before it seemed to be  improving. I was having more clarity in the mind and more good energy but won't be able to tell for sure until the cold clears. Am hoping the rapid thoughts and negativity are less but we shall see.

    Oh OK, the last Fall lyrics were:

     "Just step sideways from this world today" which makes more sense when you hear the opening lines, "When what used to excite you does not, Like you've used up all your allowance of experiences". Hope this makes sense!

    "No rhyme, no reason only life". I liked this one a lot. One of The Who's?

    "They taught me how to work, but they can't teach me how to shirk correctly" XTC

    Je espere que vous allez bien, mon ami.

    Big cyber hug!


  29. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    8 July 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Sorry for the delay in getting back - I have only just returned from my folks and they don't have great internet coverage where they are! I do guess that I am strong - but it's the old adage of you have to been strong when you don't have any other option but to be strong - I do crack from time to time and I guess that just makes me human lol

    Yes, it was very underhanded of my ex - but I was very quick when he left to make sure that I had things changed and now with my internet access I had help from the provider and made sure that is secure. Definitely will be reporting it if it happens again!!

    Glad to hear you are on the mend - colds can be very draining! I do hope as well it is just your cold making you have the feelings of depression as well. True, once you feel better, it will be able to help you think with a little more clarity. I am starting to feel more positive - although I have a long road ahead as well. Just taking the good days as they come!

    It's hard to get to the cinemas to late - we have been sitting down the front, so miniman can see ok - I am enjoying taking him, it's something we can share, so I will stop complaining about it lol

    The visit was a standard one - playing parent to my mother and getting lectured like a teenager by my father lol At least my little one had fun playing with his cousin - they get along really well. She is 6 and they spent the whole time playing and holding hands.

    Lol told you - scarred!! Haha you will have to listen to something really heavy to get All that Jazz out of your head lol I end up humming most of the kids tunes at random moments - not sure which one is worse lol Wow - ticket prices are certainly expensive now days! I have heard that AC/DC are still one of the loudest concerts going around - as for my first concert experience - there are two. I saw INXS at a festival in Adelaide when I was a kid with my family - was the Australia day one - can't remember the year though ('80's of course) and my first proper concert was - mmmm - aha lol Cut me some slack - I was young!! The funny thing I remember was reading in the paper the following day that the screaming had been recorded as being louder than the music - would attribute my loss of voice the following day haha My musical tastes did develop from there lol Yours and what was the first album you had?

    I laughed with your friend dressing up for the Rocky Horror nights - I am not quite that dedicated and you won't catch me in a pair of fish net stockings either lol

    Thank you for the Fall lyrics - awesome wrapped up in awesomeness! I think I can relate to that so well - it makes perfect sense.

    As for mine - no, not the Who - that was actually me! Random thoughts make it to paper (or online cyberworld) at times. I do write and have a cache of poetry when I get some inspiration.The XTC line was pretty cool as well - will search out some more from me shortly!!!

    Ich tue besser Mein Freund, Das leben ist voller unbekannt, aber ich habe keine Angst.

    Big cyber hug back to you!



  30. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    9 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey there Indra,

    Speaking of being strong, don't you think depression sufferers must be fortified in ways because they go through so much heavy duty stuff? It's a bit like what challenges you the most, will toughen you up! Endurance and depression go hand in hand, for me. That's why I got the tatt!

    No worries if your reply is a little late. Please feel free to take as much time as you like. I really enjoy getting your posts but I can wait longer if you're pushed for time etc. (a little longer anyway! lol).

    GREAT NEWS!!! you are feeling more positive!!! Congratulations! May it continue to grow. That's really good that you and miniman are sharing so much by going to the movies together. Good to see things are going well for you two. Hope your elder boy is doing well, too.

    Lol - I have my headphones on, full volume, trying to irradicate that  insidious, scarring music that I can't get outa my head and can't even mention!

    ACDC - loud and dear Haha!

    So, who was your other first concert experience?, you didn't say. From what you said I have it narrowed down to David Cassidy or Normie Rowe but I give up! INXS would've been cool to see. I was especially mad on them in the mid 80's when "The Swing" came out. I saw them about 1985/86 at a local club. Was a terrific night.

    My first concert was Thin Lizzy supported by Wakoo in 1976 at a nearby sporting oval. Thin Lizzy were coool! My first album was pretty conservative. It was "Hotel California" by The Eagles. I was Bowie mad at this time though.

    The Fall have very interesting lyrics though some are very hard to follow. For me, it adds to their appeal, in an odd way. I think it makes them more fascinating. Who else would have a song called "Who makes the Nazis?"

    I'm glad your random thoughts sometime make it to paper. "No rhyme, no reason only life" was very thought provoking. Please share your poetry anytime. Have you put any poetry on the Poem thread here at BB? Your last message in German translated to "I better act my friend, since life is more fully unknown, but I am not afraid" Is that close? It does make sense.

    My song quote is from Liz Phair...she sings about a typical male. "He's just a hero, in a long line of heroes, looking for something attractive to say..."

    While I remember, RockWiz is touring in Nov just in case you're interested.They are doing a tribute to the Aria Hall of Fame.

    Il y a un océan là-bas que je suis arrivé à nager. Stanard Ridgeway.

    Big cyber hug!


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