Please don't judge
I've gotten into contact with an ex for closure. it's been 14 years since I've seen him and 8 since I don't live in the same country. Living different lives I've got kids ,he does not. he's single, I'm not. My marriage has been failing for years were basically in it for the kids but not having any family here is probably the only reason why we're still married besides the kids of cause.
last year I got in contact with ex,he was and probably still is the love of my life. I needed closure,all these years I've been hurting ,I've missed him ,I've hated him.i just needed to know what happened. Honestly things were going great. We cleared some things ,asked and gave forgiveness.
fast forward 8 months , we're still speaking it's was so nice having him as my friend. And things got serious, telling me he can't be without me,he loves me,wants me have a child together. I was shocked Ive wanted all these things my whole life and here he's telling me that it can happen. I asked if he's sure this is what he wants,yes. Do you want children,yes definitely. I have children ,you can't have me without them you have to be okay with that, yes I know Im 200% sure of this.
so of cause my heart is racing ,I get to be with the man Ive always loved and he's okay with my children. My mind was racing, I'm over the moon, I get to be happy again with someone I never stopped loving.
Sometime goes by and he's acting weird and he tells me this is not going to work. I'm shocked ,what do you mean.what changed ?? He had time to think and felt that he couldn't "wait" for me to come home (mind you I go home in 3 months). Says it's not the kids ,that this isn't good for us. And that was he's last words.he blocked me. Just like that. Blocked me. Left me . Didn't have any decency to have a proper conversation with me. Just like that,this isn't good for us.
I'm beyond heartbroken. I believed him and once again he's hurt me. I've only ever felt this pain once before and it was by him and I've been through a lot , but this pain is so bad that my depression has gotten so much worse. It took me years to be okay from that first heartbreak, I was a complete mess, i did things that I should be ashame of but I won't because it got me through the tough times and I had to go through that all in my own.
But now I'm older,I should be wiser,I have children that needs me, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through this. I have not stopped crying. I just want the pain to go away💔