I just want to be left alone, I’m better when I’m left alone. It’s easier to just be by myself. I know I shouldn’t cut people out of my life but I just can’t be a good friend right now, I can’t be a good daughter, I just can’t participate in life right now. I tried to wait it out and continue on like everything’s fine but I’m projecting, I’m not being a good human being. I’m being a horrible person to the people I love. And everything just hurts too much and I just can’t make it stop, and I don’t understand cause my life is good, I have friends, I have a good job, I have my parents, I have a roof over my head, I have everything essential I need so why do I feel like this. And I know I’ve been here before, I’ll get through it, but I don’t want to get through it just to go through it again and again and again, god I’m so tired. But I’m an adult now, with responsibilities, so life goes on.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice or just prospectives would be appreciated

I hear you Claire_4,

It does sound like it is incredibly exhausting to go through these periods. Especially when we have adult responsibilities added on to that. I relate to what you wrote but for me it's my anxiety, the ups I feel good again and the downs I feel bad again and then I find it hard at times to pull myself out of it.

Can I ask, do you have professional support around you for example do you see a counsellor or psychologist? It can be so incredibly hard to do everything on our own and be expected to act as a 'normal human' when we are pouring from an exhausted energy source if that makes sense.

I am so grateful that you reached out here on the forums though, please know that you are not alone and we really want to support and comfort you.

Hi, welcome

An interesting post, thankyou for being honest.

I'll quote a few yhings -

• "I can’t be a good daughter". That content leads me to think there is expectations from yourself or from your parents. Expectations are uncomfortable and damages self esteem
• "I just want to be left alone" been there done that. A knee-jerk reaction could become a regret. Google - beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?
• " I just can’t participate in life". Mental illnesses often contain mood swings, dark periods, ebb and flow of emotions. We must remind ourselves good times return. Google - Beyondblue topic the timing of motivation
• "I’m not being a good human being". even reading your post I know you are a wonderful person. So you're clearly wrong on this.
• "I’ll get through it, but I don’t want to get through it just to go through it again and again and again" big changes can be justified in some cases. Beyondblue topic if all is lost- be radical
• The most famous financially secure people can have depression. Assets etc have no bearing on our depression
• "god I’m so tired". best to pursue this to your GP. - Beyondblue topic a good night's deep sleep

I hope those articles help. I'm here every day so Repost and we'll continue if you want.

TonyWK

Hello Claire, anybody can have a perfect job, lovely family / friends and an ideal life that many would only wish for, but this isn't enough if you are descend for any mental illness, it's not strong enough to avoid it, and many times you wonder why it should be you, well I don't have an answer to this, but know that something inside you breaks down, although I'm not a doctor.

There could be many triggers that suddenly happen which you didn't expect and begin to affect your life unexpectedly.

Any mental illness can make you tired with a fear that once you can get the help you need, that you may relapse, I do myself know that it's happened, but each time it makes me stronger and you are able to climb that ladder until you see the light once again.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Hey thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. Yes I do have professional support, I’ve been seeing a psychologist for a couple of years now, once every week and this year have started to see her less as it had seemed I was ready to potentially stop therapy all together. I was going good, everything was good, until it just wasn’t and here I am, what feels like back to square one.

I also wanted to say it’s really nice just hearing someone say they understand and they feel the same, like I know people go through the same thing but just reading it makes it more true so thank you

Hi Claire,

I am sorry you feel this way but I understand.

Depression is a CHRONIC illness - meaning you can be fine one day but you can relapse into it again. Remember this. You will be okay, and with time you will learn how to keep your depression at bay. It can take time. So make sure to keep working with your psychologist. You are loved and wanted on this Earth - even though your depressed brain might tell you otherwise. I know how it can feel.

I am here if you need,

jaz xx

Hi Claire,

I am so glad that after reading the posts you didn't feel alone in how you are feeling because that is that is the truth - so many of us can relate to what you have written (definitely including me of course!)

I am really glad you have professional support with the psychologist. I know that we can be so incredibly tough on ourselves and feel as though we are going 'backwards' but in truth just as @jaz28 has written above, we can feel fine one day and then the next day we aren't. I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be happy and positive all the time but sometimes that pressure can accumulate on me and I can dip down or spiral. Honestly that is okay! Because that is not a reflection of who you are and your soul. I think in society often it can be 'I am my anxiety' for example but in truth it should be 'I am a person who happens to suffer from anxiety'. We are not defined by these ups and downs, they don't define who we are. These are some things that I tell myself, I hope they are helpful to you too!