When someone takes their life it can have an enormous effect on those around them and that is not confined to just friends and family but also to the other people they had been in contact with, including people where they work, and professional relationships too.
There is shock of course, often a surprising amount of grief, and a feeling one simply does not understand, and if the person had seemed OK then it could happen to others unexpectedly in the future too. There is often an unjustified sense of failing the person, as if one could have understood more, done more, offered more. In actual fact no one person can keep another alive. That is a team effort between medical personnel, the people around the person, and the person him or her self.
Trying to understand why someone took their life and could not see that tomorrow could be better is not straightforward, people's reasons can be very complex.
I'm afraid I did not really understand what you meant by an ugly property settlement. If this is something personal to you it may well have left you more vulnerable to being affected by the death.You mentioned you did not feel as in control as you should.
I think you were resourceful and wise to seek the support of a friend, and I would expect the effect on you to last quite some time. Do you have family to be with? Facing a situation like this all on your own makes it harder.
Talking about how you feel is natural and important. Apart from those you are close too there are organizations that can help a great deal:
- The Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467)
- Our own Help Line (1300 22 4636)
are there to talk with those in your situation, it is no big thing to contact them, they expect it.
If you would like to post here more that will be fine, we will look out for you