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Forums / Grief and loss / A client of mine died by suicide

Topic: A client of mine died by suicide

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. lyn4670
    lyn4670 avatar
    1 posts
    24 June 2018
    I have been through an ugly property settlement and thought I was ok until a client committed suicide and now feeling quite bereft and not in control as I thought I was. I invited a good friend over for lunch which helped a lot but still feeling so sad that my client couldn't see that tomorrow would be better
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Waz61
    Waz61 avatar
    1 posts
    24 June 2018 in reply to lyn4670

    Hi lyn4670,

    A friend of mine killed herself late last year. She lived on the otherside of the world to me. I felt so sad, so very sad that she was unable to stay on the hard road, that she strayed off into the swamp. That’s how I see it. Recently I returned from visiting her surviving husband and two young children.

    I have suffered three very long periods of profound clinical depression, the last went for 10 years. Suicide is always very close in those years.

    It sounds like you are a professional, perhaps in family law. I’ve worked in high trauma, high conflict areas of the law where the clients and client’s family and members of the community have taken their own life.

    This is a round about way of saying I have empathy for how you feel. It is deeply sad. And it is important that you look after your own health, your own well-being. That you process the vicarious trauma. You must take care of yourself. It may also be possible to learn different and new ways of working with clients such that as well as providing the professional service you are able to help with the emotional and psychological upheaval your clients may be experiencing. Or ensure they are obtaining the mental health support they need. AND you must look after yourself.

    Good luck.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10561 posts
    24 June 2018 in reply to lyn4670

    Dear Lyn4670~

    When someone takes their life it can have an enormous effect on those around them and that is not confined to just friends and family but also to the other people they had been in contact with, including people where they work, and professional relationships too.

    There is shock of course, often a surprising amount of grief, and a feeling one simply does not understand, and if the person had seemed OK then it could happen to others unexpectedly in the future too. There is often an unjustified sense of failing the person, as if one could have understood more, done more, offered more. In actual fact no one person can keep another alive. That is a team effort between medical personnel, the people around the person, and the person him or her self.

    Trying to understand why someone took their life and could not see that tomorrow could be better is not straightforward, people's reasons can be very complex.

    I'm afraid I did not really understand what you meant by an ugly property settlement. If this is something personal to you it may well have left you more vulnerable to being affected by the death.You mentioned you did not feel as in control as you should.

    I think you were resourceful and wise to seek the support of a friend, and I would expect the effect on you to last quite some time. Do you have family to be with? Facing a situation like this all on your own makes it harder.

    Talking about how you feel is natural and important. Apart from those you are close too there are organizations that can help a great deal:

    • The Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467)
    • Lifeline (131114) and
    • Our own Help Line (1300 22 4636)

    are there to talk with those in your situation, it is no big thing to contact them, they expect it.

    If you would like to post here more that will be fine, we will look out for you


    3 people found this helpful
  4. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
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    demonblaster avatar
    7665 posts
    25 June 2018 in reply to lyn4670

    HI lyn4670 ☺

    How so very sad. I'm really sorry for how you're feeling. Suicide affects so many people. It's terribly sad.

    I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

    I started replying to you last night and went to check info before I gave it to you and the thread disappeared, looked for ages, so glad it's back.

    I was going to give the numbers our good man Croix has given and also
    from the home page there's suicide information. If you scroll down a tickle theres 3 large circles and the 3rd one on R] , there might be something that could help you through this 🌹

    You always have here too darl 24/7 as well if you want to talk we're listening

    I too am glad you reached out to your friend and got some comfort.

    Hope to see you again.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Mickii
    Mickii avatar
    45 posts
    26 June 2018 in reply to lyn4670
    I just went through the worst ever property settlement with my abusive ex husband. Yesterday, after yet another court appearance, it almost pushed me to suicide. Just walking on the street the court is in makes me ill. Last night even after taking my meds I woke up from nightmares. All I can say is how can this system continue to traumatise so many people. Last night all I can think was the only way to be free from it is to die. Even now I can not relax, what is the next thing he will do to me, when will I be served with more papers, how I can I get him to stop. The sad thing is the Family Law Court has sanctioned his behaviour by not doing anything about it. How can this be allowed to continue.
    1 person found this helpful

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