Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. It's really difficult navigating our way through grief and having lost someone. Sometimes it feels like it will never end and we'll carry the pain with us for a long time.
That can be the case, but there are a few things that can be done to help us along the path of grief.
I'm sure the psychologist you saw would have explained that there are different groups of emotions we all usually go through when we lose someone we care about. We step through the stages generally in order but jump back and forward as well. Sometimes we get stuck at a particular stage because it's so painful it feels like getting past is out of our reach.
At this stage we go a bit numb initially and things don't really make sense, our protective shields go up and we sometimes just close off.
We get angry at the person we loved for leaving us, at ourselves for not doing more, at whatever happened, at the world, at everything, at particular people. We just get angry.
If only I did x, y or z. It should have been someone else. I could have given more. There are so many ways we bargain to make it better for ourselves to try and make sense of the emotions and resolve them.
This is more a prolonged sadness, it can turn into a deep depression. It's something to keep and eye on and talk to someone about if it lasts longer than a few weeks. Remember we can move back and forward through these stages of grief.
5. Resolution and acceptance
This is not the end missing someone but a new start with that person in a special place in your heart rather than consuming all of our thoughts and feelings.
I'm sorry if I have told you things you already know Bec, I wanted to lay those out though as a bit of a map and to go back to the point that we can get stuck at a particular point in grieving. The important part is for us to talk about what you're feeling. It could be that because of the immense pain you mentioned, that we need to talk gently about what's going on and to know that the ultimate path through is being able to be open and honest with yourself about how you're feeling and where the feelings are coming from. It's difficult - I really do understand. Perhaps we could stay in touch here and have a bit more of a chat at your pace.
There's also a section on Beyond Blue dedicated to Grief and Loss. In the menus, "The facts", "Grief and Loss".
Hope to talk soon.