How incredibly painful, to have your 'go to' person in life be the one person who's not here. I feel so so deeply for you.
If you don't mind me asking, what did you learn from them while they were here? What kind of legacy or philosophy did they gift to you? I imagine they were outstanding in incredible ways, given your connection.
If you were to dream of your friend giving you answers or a sense of the way forward, do you think you would look forward to dreaming about them? I recall someone once saying that they would occasionally dream of a close friend who had passed. They were in 2 minds about such a thing, whether it was good or bad. While the dreams were good and even helpful to them, waking up from them was incredibly painful. Coming back to full consciousness was the moment where their brain suddenly reminded them that their friend has passed. It was initially terribly sad. They eventually came to see the dreams as kind of like 'visiting' for a period before returning (to their waking state). I think it's referred to as 'lucid dreaming', where you can direct your dreams. Not sure how it's done, as nothing's ever led me to research it.
It can feel impossible to gain a different perspective on life when it appears as nothing but dark. It's such a hopeless perspective that only those who have faced the darkness can understand. From my own experience, I would say it takes the right combination of people, the right combination of words, the right combination of circumstances before such combinations unlock something significant. Until then, we can be left finding all the wrong combinations. In think we can feel wrong ones. We can feel the people who say 'You should be over it by now', kick us when we're down. We can feel the impact of people not actively bringing us to life in ways that really count. We can feel our thoughts and what we imagine, when it comes to the darker images that come to mind. With such an ability to feel so easily, we can also feel those who bring us to life. It can take some time before we meet with such a person or such people, those who brings us back to life or light. I may sound a little foolish to some degree but I believe the reason we continue to feel the darkness at times is because we haven't met them yet. When we meet them, we know it, without a single doubt in our mind. We feel it.
With me wondering for 15 years or so why there was no light, I came to realise no one had brought it until the day it came.