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Forums / Grief and loss / I don't know how to deal with loss

Topic: I don't know how to deal with loss

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Rose2015
    Rose2015 avatar
    2 posts
    1 November 2015

    Two weeks ago, my uncle died.

    Growing up, I had very little family outside my immediate one. I had my parents, my brother and sister, my grandmother and her husband and my uncle. That was it.

    I would like to recognise that I know I am incredibly fortunate just to have had that much. I know many don't. 

    I have not known grief or loss. Growing up on a farm, losing pets was never that much of a sad occasion. You were grateful for the memory but the loss wasn't usually unexpected. The only other two people I know who have died were great-grandmothers - and their deaths were not unexpected. We celebrated their long lives and all they had accomplished. There was some mourning, but I never knew them well enough to feel that great loss. 

    My uncle was 48. He was my dad's best friend for almost four decades. He was diagnosed with brain tumours two years ago. He leaves behind two tween children. 

    Even writing this, I tear up. This was the only person who I have in my memories outside of my immediate family who has been there. He let me live with him for a few months when I moved to the city for work before I found a place to live. When I did move out he was the person I knew I could call at any time if I was in trouble and he'd be there. He is in many of my memories as a child and teenager. 

    I don't even know how to handle such a loss. The family didn't have a funeral, and while I went home to be with my mum and spend time being supported by my boyfriend (long distance), coming back to my regular life has been incredibly difficult. I live across the other side of the country to all I know and love. I find myself mindlessly watching TV or sleeping or pacing. If I'm not forgetting to eat, I'm eating a lot. I'm recognising signs of when I suffered depression almost two years ago. 

    Does it get easier? Do you feel normal again? Even those I know who have lived through loss haven't been able to help me - no one I know has any kind of similar story.

    I'm at a bit of a loss.

  2. Paul
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Paul avatar
    810 posts
    1 November 2015 in reply to Rose2015

    Hi Rose,

    Hugs. I'm so sorry you've lost someone dear to you.

    It does get better, you'll be OK. It's a painful and as you've described a confusing time. Grief is such a natural thing, unfortunately it's natural to feel the pain and anger and depression. I really like how you've reached out to us on the Beyond Blue forums because to me it means that you are expressing how you feel, which is one of the major ways of getting through grieving.

    When we travel through grief, the pain of losing someone so loved transforms into beautiful memories that live in your heart and keep you warm. It hurts to start with but please know that you'll come through.

    There are some great resources about grief here. At the top of the page in the "the facts" menu is "grief and loss" I think you would find it helpful to have a browse and a read through.

    Going through grief as I mentioned is natural (grrr) and painful, but it's also a set of emotions that are very similar almost every time you travel through grief - they have a pattern. The info in the facts menu will explain.

    If you feel like you can't cope or you're depressed and need urgent help Beyond Blue has a hotline. The number is at the top and bottom of the page. Also there is the option of a grief counsellor, they are awesome to help you understand what's happening.

    Please try and take care of yourself at the moment Rose. Eat well, talk to friends, use the resources here if you need to.

    Take care and remember what you're feeling is natural so it's OK to feel it and if it gets too much, sing out.

     

    Paul

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