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Forums / Grief and loss / I lost my Nan to cancer

Topic: I lost my Nan to cancer

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Katie27422
    Katie27422 avatar
    1 posts
    11 August 2021
    She was my favourite person in the whole world and the last month without her has been so stressful I cant focus on school anymore and I often find myself reading my old messages with her and crying. Yesterday my teacher saw me upset and asked me what was going on and i just broke down infront of her and my entire class
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6625 posts
    11 August 2021 in reply to Katie27422

    Hi Katie27422, 

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. Thank you so much for having the strength to share your story with us, we understand this isn't always easy to do. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your Nan to cancer. We can imagine it has been a very painful month for you and can hear the admiration and love you have for her.  

    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, or our friends at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. These options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

    Kids Helpline also have some pages on Losing Someone which you might find helpful to look at. We'd also recommend you get in touch with GriefLine on 1300 845 745. They provide counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief.  

    We're sorry to hear how you've been feeling at school. We hope your teacher and classmates were kind and supportive to you, and we hope that you're able to be kind to yourself through this. Please feel free to share any thoughts or feelings you have with our community and we'll try our best to provide you with some comfort and kind words.  

    Kind regards, 

    Sophie M 

  3. Gabs_
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Gabs_ avatar
    93 posts
    11 August 2021 in reply to Katie27422

    Oh Katie27422,

    I am sending you the biggest hug. I am so sorry for your loss. It's so difficult when you lose that special person in your life. The pain can be so unbearable, and unfortunately, people can sometimes think that once the funeral is over you should just be getting on with life. But life and feelings don't work like that.

    Firstly, know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. I lost my mother-in-law suddenly last year, and I still read her emails and texts... I even recorded her voicemail message on her answering machine and still listen to her voice for comfort.

    Unfortunately, losing someone is something you will carry the rest of your life. People talk about going through the "cycle of grief" and finally coming to acceptance. But I once heard someone talk about acceptance, as just accepting that you will never be the same again and you will always have a spot in your heart for them.

    Time helps. I wish I could tell you that there is a magic pill that makes the pain stop, but what I have found (with both the death of my mother-in-law and my own nan) is that you have the sadness for some time, and then one day it will stop hurting just a little bit less...something will happen that reminds you of them and you'll laugh and have a more "awww, I love her" thought than a painful memory. And then you'll have periods of feeling better and then you'll have a moment where you go to pick up the phone to call them and then you get a super gut punch because you realise you can't.

    It's difficult, it's a long process, but you will get through it.

    And you will find your own ways to connect with her.

    I go and eat my lunch at the cemetery sometimes at my nan's grave and I just talk to her about what's happening. I just natter away and it makes me feel like she knows what is happening in my life. I also use my mother-in-law's baking trays and then it makes me feel like she's cooking with me. They are small things, but they make me smile.

    Have you had a look at some of the beyond blue information on grief and loss? There is some really good info in there that might help you know that you are not alone and that what you are feeling is completely valid.

    The most important thing is to look after yourself. Hold onto the memories. Keep her things close to you, so your relationship with her continues, just in a different way.

    Sending you my love. I'm here if you want to chat more.

    G x

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16230 posts
    12 August 2021 in reply to Katie27422

    Hello Katie, there is no harm when your teacher asks you 'what's wrong', you have every right to breakdown because your nan has passed away for reasons which may not be completely understood, and you have my deepest thoughts.

    It's never easy when a favourite nan or perhaps grandparent passes away suddenly or due to an illness that progressively takes them to an unknown place, my heart opens up for you and understand how painful this must have been for you.

    You know by crying you are holding your hand out for comfort, it's your way of showing that you want others to know how deeply upset you are in losing your nan, to an illness that can't be explained why.

    If you are able to get back to us, we want to help you as we're so terribly sorry for you.

    My best wishes.


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