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Forums / Grief and loss / Losing Parent - Covid Lockdown and No Visitors

Topic: Losing Parent - Covid Lockdown and No Visitors

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Istaysee
    Istaysee avatar
    1 posts
    2 October 2021

    Hi,

    My mum is nearing the end of her cancer journey. She was exposed to covid in a visit to the hospital and it landed my mum in an isolation room and dad alone at home for 14 days. There was an error at the hospital side and 1 day prior to her being released from the dreaded isolation room, she was reexposed due to hospital error. She will now likely die alone in that room. We are coordinating as hard as possible to get her some visitors or home. Nothing happens quickly and she is now palliative. We don’t know how long is left. I want to hear her voice on the phone but I can’t handle hearing her beg to see us and come home. It’s emotionally tearing her and me apart. I can’t process the idea of losing mum, let alone the horrible weeks she has had leaving up to it. She doesn’t have covid, the isolation is for precautionary measures. I feel guilty for sitting at home and doing nothing to help her. I feel so very sad and angry all at the same time. I feel helpless, it is so terrible, I can’t bear telling her that we can’t get in there. It makes me so sad. Does anyone have a similar experience? What can I do?

  2. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
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    mmMekitty avatar
    992 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hello Istaysee,

    I am so, so sorry for what you and your Mum are going through. I have not gone through anything like this. I don't know what I would do either.

    It's a terrible situation. I wish I knew how to help.

    I'm sure what you want right now is some practical help. I wonder, do you think it might help to talk over your feelings with someone before phoning your Mum? Just to air the feelings, express them and then be able to focus on allowing yourself to hear your Mum, and to tell her those things which are important to say, It will still be very emotional, very hard, but you might feel a little more prepared to carry these feelings if you talk to someone first.

    Beyond Blue has the phone Counselling Service, and the Chat Online service as well. I don't know how to make links to those here, but you'll find them at the top of the page.

    Or, the hospital, they surely have a social worker who might be helpful to both you and your Mum.

    I'm sorry I don't know what else to say. I can't imagine the depth of pain you and your Mum are in. You have both been through so much.

    My warmest regards,

    mmMekitty

  3. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3219 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hi lystaysee

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and what you are all going through. It must be heartbreaking for you.

    I lost my mum a long time ago from cancer in a palliative care unit but my dad and I couldn't get to the hospital in time to be with her, which was dreadful, so I do understand some of what you're going through but covid makes it even worse.

    I have been a nurse in a palliative care ward. I think you should talk to the nursing staff caring for your mother. They can help support you and they also can request a social worker or counsellor to help you and your mum.

    These people will be able to give you help and support. Don't hesitate to ask about anything. Palliative care staff are trained to help people like you and your family.

    You get yourself some help and advice ok? And people here on BB will support you too.

    You're going through a terribly tough time. We'll all be here to offer whatever help we can but definitely go and have a talk to a caring nurse and see what help they can give you.

    Big hug from me to you! 💖

  4. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1558 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hi Istaysee

    My heart breaks for you and your mum.

    I lost my mum to cancer two years ago, just prior to the start of Covid. I had to fly overseas to be with her and missed seeing with her by one day. I was on the end of the phone when she passed. It was gut wrenching. I'm still not over the disappointment of not being able to hold her one last time.

    I guess what I'm saying is that I know how you feel. I am so very sorry that you find yourself in such a challenging situation.

    Given your mum doesn't have Covid and the hospital created this horrible situation, I'm wondering if you could try to get around the restriction on compassionate grounds. I would first try calling the hospital administrator and strongly making your case. If you've had your vaccine make sure they know and also that you are willing to wear whatever PPE they request.

    If that doesn't work I'd call my local MP. And if that fails, and you're up for it, I'd call the media. You could try a high profile radio talk back show or local TV news. Make sure the media know that the hospital exposed your mum twice to Covid--that's a story. Nothing like a spotlight on a problem to prompt action.

    There's no guarantee any of this would work but the worst that can happen is that the hospital continues to say no to a visit.

    Kind thoughts to you

  5. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    Petal22 avatar
    1351 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hi Istaysee,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    So sorry you are going through this.

    I wouldn’t be standing for what the hospital is saying to you, it’s the hospitals error that your mum is in the isolation room they need to take a deep hard look at the situation!

    Your mum is nearing the end of her cancer and she deserves to have the support of her family at this time….

    Get in touch with the highest person in the hospital and state your case! Don’t take no for an answer.

  6. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    992 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hello Istaysee,

    How are you? What has been happening? Have you been able to see your Mum?

    Warmest virtual hugs,

    mmMekitty

  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15310 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to Istaysee

    Hello Istaysee, I've read all these comments and you have my heart in all that's going on and feel so sorry for your mum as well as for you.

    We hope in these past 10 days that you have been able to overcome this problem and you have our deepest thoughts in every possible way.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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