Hello Ajkeats
Please accept my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beautiful daughter, not only is it so very hard, but at this time when you cannot be with people for support, you cannot have a funeral for her that one would usually have, this is so much to manage on top of the overwhelming grief you are already experiencing.
Grief is so very different for us all but I think one thing is common, is that it is a process. There are no rules and no guidelines on how to do it and what to expect and I think this is one of the hardest emotions to manage, as there are so many unknowns. I am still going through the motions, I lost my brother who was 19 in July. Perhaps if I can share a bit about my journey something in it might be helpful to you.
I healed so much from being here on this forum, from sharing, from listening to others, by expressing how I was feeling and letting the support of this wonderful community help me. I also sought the support of a grief counsellor who was amazing and as my grief was to do with suicide she was able to support me through this and teach me so much that helped me understand..if that is the right word.
I also wrote a journal, I purged on a page, blamed, said raw and hurtful things, but it was for no one to see, just me, but it felt awesome to get it out, some of it didn't even make sense but it was so helpful to get it all out. I hope too that you have someone with you at this time that you can lean on and fall apart with. Sometimes the shock prevents us from crying and letting the emotion out, but if you can, you cry and you yell and you do whatever it is you need to do to feel some peace, if that is possible.
Doing something, no matter how small to make you feel some sort of peace, something that can make you smile or feel joy. You need to take care of you and make sure that you are kind to you. If people ask if they can help or what they can do to help, reach out, talk and even accept a meal, let your loved ones help you through this time.
I am so beyond sorry and I have no idea how painful it would be to lose a child, I hope with my heart I never have to.
I hope to chat to you some more.
Huge hugs to you and my heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
Sarah xxx