So, on my birthday at the beginning of the year. i lost my poppy, now he was a very special man. he meant the absolute world to myself and my family. and his death was so so sudden. i felt so numb. then a few days later, i saw a post on Facebook that a girl i used to dance with had passed away, and i immediately text the sister of the girl and say ' i am so sorry, she was so beautiful. i will see you in a few days,' Because i knew her and her family for most of my childhood. god she was only young, i felt so numb inside.

then the hard part was who funeral do i go to, and i sat down and i looked up and i knew my poppy would understand why i wouldn't be saying goodbye to him with everyone else.

when i got there, i found the sister and we cried in each others arms. for so long. they were my family too.

and on top of all this, i was in a very toxic relationship. he just wasn't helping me. and i couldn't have the loss of these two amazing people in my life, piled on top of my toxic relationship. so during all of that, i was also going through quite a tough breakup.

its been 7 months, and i thought i was getting better and better. but its all coming back. its just all in my head.

Hi, welcome

Well I think you’ve handled everything really good under the circumstances.

Briefly- my dad was the salt of the earth. He passed in 1992 at the age I am now-64. That’s 28 years ago and I still have bouts of grief. While that news might not sound an answer for you, such grief periods I actually look forward to as I’m experiencing thoughts of love and appreciation for the greatest role model any son could have. If I can find a hill I’ll climb it and sit there in total silence except for the birds and - google- youtube Prem Rawat Maharaji sunset - and other videos of his.

Someine said to me a long time ago “death is part of life” - it’s cold comfort but I suppose the more we accept that the easier moving on can be.

You can channel grief. Maybe plant a small rose garden in Poppy’s honour? My dad used to always help people so I do the same as part of my ritual of keeping his memory flowing on.

These waves of grief will drift a little more as time goes by. 7 months isn’t long- allow yourself as much time as you need.

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TonyWK