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Forums / Grief and loss / When your parents were not so nice but you still grieve

Topic: When your parents were not so nice but you still grieve

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. am i here
    am i here avatar
    1 posts
    7 May 2020

    I come under the heading of "dutiful child". Visited in Nursing home at least weekly. Prior to that rang and visited. I did the right thing for people who didnt do right by me.I sat by their bed day and night in those last few days. I held their hand as they passed. Such a "good" child.

    Am I grieving what should have been, what could have been. Some siblings arent that upset. Some are more nostalgic about the few decent things from our childhood. One cut them both off completely.

    Why do I cry? why do I grieve?

  2. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    388 posts
    7 May 2020 in reply to am i here

    Hello am I here,

    My condolences on your parents' passing. Grief has nothing to do with how nice your parents were, but it has everything to do with how you felt about them. You built your bonds with them those times you visited them in the nursing home. You held their hands as they passed. These experiences don't happen without leaving a mark on you.

    We grieve when we lose something that is dear to us. Your parents were dear to you, even if they weren't so to your siblings. It's natural for you to feel grief, it's just your body's way of processing what has happened. Suddenly there is no need for you to visit the nursing home. The people who were a part of your daily life are no longer a part of that life. You may feel a void since you have all this extra time without knowing what to do with it. It's a natural process. There's no need to question why you feel that way, but rather, let yourself feel it, let your feelings out and let yourself heal.

    Take care,

    1 person found this helpful

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